in this video you will learn the four most common unintentional attitudes and
behaviors that women do that sabotage and push men away but these are not the
obvious ones that most people think of instead these surprising behaviors are
done with good intentions but unfortunately they end up scaring great
men away from you so if you're single or dating this is one you don't want to
miss don't go anywhere because we're starting right now hi everyone I'm
Dr. Antonio Borrello and I'm a psychologist and a relationship coach. this channel is
all about helping you build great relationships so you can grow happy with
the people you love so if you're interested in making your love life the
best part of your life start now by clicking the subscribe button and hit
the bell notification so you aren't missing anything ok on to the behaviors
that scare men off and sabotage your relationship first it's very common for
two people to begin talking and getting to know each other and things start off
great and then after the first or second or after a few dates the guy suddenly
loses interest for no apparent reason sound familiar well welcome to dating in
2019 well actually when there is a sudden change in a man's interest
without an obvious reason it's usually because he has a change in belief about
you in other words something happens there's some interaction between you two
or some behavior that makes him see you differently or believe something
different about you and that causes them to be less attracted and less interested
in pursuing their relationship with you now what he thinks isn't necessarily
true about you but it's simply his new perception of you based on his
interpretation or misinterpretation of something you've said or done and the
problem many women don't recognize the things that they might be doing to
trigger those changes in his perception in other words they are unknowingly
sabotaging their relationships with great guys that's why I'm going to
explain both the beliefs that push him away as well as some of the possible
behaviors that trigger those beliefs so let's jump right into them the first and
probably most common thing that pushes men away is when
one he believes that you were insecure needy or clingy and of course those are
unattractive traits that cause you to lose value to him now those things could
be completely untrue about you but regardless if he thinks those things
about you good luck in changing his mind if he thinks that you become less
attractive and his feelings will change that's why it's important to know and
avoid the behaviors that might trigger those feelings now there are so many
behaviors that are consistent with insecurity and neediness some are
obvious some are not so obvious but I'm going to talk about three common ones
the first is when you frequently check in for reassurance or to see if he's
still interested or ask him how he feels about you
this can become a sign of insecurity in his eyes let me explain it's normal to
want to know if you're on the same page with regard to your feelings and
intentions however frequently asking him how he feels or for reassurance is a
problem if this is you then you probably ask multiple times are we good are you
still interested in getting to know each other are you sure but why does this
happen well suppose the last four or five
people you dated ended up ghosting you it would be natural to have some
perpetual feeling that things are on the cusp of falling apart
I mean it's happened the last four or five times so it's understandable that
you might be cautiously looking for the signs that things are gonna go wrong and
that the relationship is about to come crashing down on the other hand asking
for reassurance shows him that you are insecure and that lowers your value in
his eyes and that becomes a huge disadvantage it shows him that you are
afraid of losing him and then you are no longer the prize you are no longer the
challenge again you just lowered your value another less obvious sign of
insecurity is what I like to call false confidence when I think of false
confidence I think of a person who makes it a point to always tell you who they
are rather than show you people with false confidence are those who boast
about their looks how many people like them or want them and they're quick to
share all of their accomplishments now I know that most women don't go out of
their way to brag about their looks or how many guys want them one
on a date no instead it happens when they are feeling insecure or maybe
worried about being rejected by the guy they want here's an example a woman has
plans to go out with the guy that she's dating but something comes up and he
needs to cancel and perhaps this is the second time that it's happened and so on
the phone she starts talking about the four guys that are dying to take her out
or how she turned down two other guys to go out with him that's the kind of false
confidence that I'm referring to it's triggered by insecurity again the reason
they brag or boast well it's because she feels insecure about herself and
believes that bragging is going to boast her image instead it does the opposite
the third behavior that makes him believe that you're insecure or needy
can be triggered when you over text and over communicate keeping in regular
contact with the person you're dating is usually so sweet it's like you're
sharing your day with someone almost as if they are keeping you company and
making your day more enjoyable as long as the communication is balanced meaning
he is initiating the conversation at least 50% of the time on the other hand
if you're the one that is usually contacting him a lot more like if the
communication is very imbalanced it won't be long before he'll begin to see
you as needy and clingy so answer these questions do you get anxious if he
doesn't respond right away does your heart drop when you realize he hasn't
texted back for a while do you start worrying that something is wrong if so
that's a problem and if you double and triple texting him without a response
that adds to your anxiety and raises the cleanness index tremendously and he will
undoubtedly feel your insecurities and neediness and that becomes very
unattractive number two he doesn't think you have a life because you're always
available for him as I've said in other videos one of the most important traits
that men find attractive in women is independence
in other words men are attracted to women who have a full life not to women
who come off as needy and clingy look I understand that when you're excited
about someone you want to spend as much time with them as possible but you
must make sure that you are keeping up with the life you had prior to meeting
him and you can't stop doing the things you were doing before you met him so
making keep plans with your girlfriends and keep your schedule busy this goes a
long way towards helping him to see you as a high-value woman with an exciting
life and when you do that he is going to want to be a part of that and when he
isn't he's going to feel that too so yeah if you have your own life men will
find that independent sexy it reminds him that he isn't the center of your
world so therefore he has to put in more effort to get to spend time with you
so keep active with the friendships and activities you had before you met him
because that's what made you who you are remember your relationship started
because of who you are if you lose your identity you will likely lose the
relationship to number three he doesn't appreciate you because you don't allow
him to pursue you why does this happen well oftentimes it's because you are
pursuing him and for so many reasons that becomes unattractive to so many men
instead you have to lean back and let a man put in some effort to prove he's
worthy of your time that means that you have to stop pursuing him that means
that you have to stop texting him in between dates and you cannot be
initiating communications with him instead you must let him do it
look I know this is a difficult one to do because you like him you miss him and
you want to talk to him it's hard not to reach out because you want to be
connected and communicating but if you want a man to really want you you must
pull away and allow him to miss you allow him to pursue you he's a man in he
needs to do that remember people appreciate and value the
things that they have to work hard for if you give him all of your affection
and time and attention in the beginning what does he have to work hard for and
consequently you lose value and his attraction goes down so do not initiate
calls or text to him notice I didn't say ignore him or stop communicating I'm
saying stop being the one that's always looking for him and starting the
communications in other words you're not the one who's going to be
starting the day with a good morning call or text instead let him do it let
him begin to wonder how you feel let him begin to wonder if you've been thinking
about him trust me silence speaks values that he will usually start to pursue you
again quickly oh and make him wait a little bit before he returned his calls
and texts doing so will certainly increase his yearning for you number
four you are trying to push him towards a
relationship I know it's difficult to not think about the future when you
really like someone at the same time it's important to cool your jets and let
the relationship evolve naturally and not even consider committing before
you've really gotten to know someone so take that goal out of your mind because
when you make something a goal you start planning and living in the future and
then you're constantly measuring your progress towards that goal that means
that you're not really being present when you're with him everything you do
is unconsciously slanted towards accomplishing your goal and even worse
everything he does that makes you worried about your goal happening is
going to make you upset and ruin the dynamic between you two so for the first
little while just enjoy the time you spend with each other as much as you can
and let whatever will happen between you happen otherwise you could wind up
unconsciously pushing him away without even realizing it now the most important
part of the video why does this keep happening to me and how can I turn
things around for most people there are two reasons it happens when you start
thinking of this new person as the one or when you start daydreaming and
romanticizing a relationship that doesn't even exist yet and may never
exist so instead of being able to be present and engaged in this moment
you're stuck in a future where you're assuming so much you're daydreaming and
fantasizing of all of the amazing times that you'll share and that causes you to
elevate the importance of this relationship a great deal and when you
put too much into this outcome you become too invested in a future that you
can't control and that causes anxiety when you really like someone when you
really want someone the stakes are higher the level of
importance you attach to that person is higher and your level of anxiety and
fear of losing that person goes way up and when that happens any insecurities
that you may have about the relationship about dating that person
well they manifest in your interactions with him and guess what happens he feels
it he notices those insecurities and it lowers your value in his eyes and makes
you seem needy or clingy or even desperate and then before you know it
he's running for the hills that's why you must stop looking for a relationship
to reassure you remember feeling secure comes from inside of you and if you
don't feel worthy if you don't know your value it won't matter how smart or sexy
or worthy or attractive your partner tells you that you are
it just won't stick and you'll need more and more reassurance to temporarily fill
you up again that's why you must strive to feel okay within yourself you need to
love yourself and accept who you are then you can be fully accepting of the
love and affection your partner directs towards you but as we discussed before
practicing self-love in the context of a new relationship is often easier said
than done when we want another person we often do things that we think will win
their affection and in doing so we often engage in behaviors that are anything
but self loving the good news is that like any relationship strengthening your
relationship with yourself and practicing self love is something that
you can learn to do so if you're interested in learning more about
practicing self-love click here to watch this video now or click here to watch
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