the other day i made a joke well you
know how i love those emotionally
unavailables
yeah i mean you always joke about that
but now i'm really seeing that you do
and i did not handle that well how dare
you joke about something that i joke
about that is actually real that i use
humor to deflect
who do you think you are someone that
listens to me
someone that sees me someone who accepts
the things i tell them about myself as
fact
i didn't say any of that but i thought
it now first off being
emotionally unavailable doesn't make
someone a bad person or incapable of
love
like very often emotional unavailability
is just a coping mechanism from our
childhood and the go-to attachment style
of the avoidance
and sometimes emotional unavailability
is just temporary because
we just went through a really hard
breakup or we're dealing with the death
or we're just going through a very
stressful experience
but there are some clear signs that
someone is emotionally unavailable for
the long term
one they haven't been in serious
relationships yeah i've never
been in a relationship before i want to
it's just that
every man is awful two they're hot and
cold
what three they avoid conversations that
go deeper this one can actually be
tricky
i dated someone who was really good at
talking about deep topics like
racism sexism sexual assault politics
spirituality
but the moment the conversation became
about his past
his relationship history or any of his
own personal vulnerabilities
nope good luck breaking through that
the emotionally unavailable don't
communicate consistently they're usually
unable to describe how they're feeling
like naming specific emotions typically
aren't good at receiving or showing
affection
and my personal favorite tend to avoid
labels
i just think that premature commitment
might ruin the bond that we're building
how well by putting a name on it does
not come with certain expectations that
could potentially hinder our soul
contract
i don't think a genuine connection could
be broken by something as simple as you
calling me your girlfriend i disagree
one minute i'm calling you my girlfriend
the next minute
you expect me not to see other people
then we're moving in together then
you're smothering me with your constant
need for emotional support and intimacy
then
we're married trapped in a loveless
hopeless this
wow okay but also be honest with
yourself
how emotionally unavailable are you are
you secretly afraid of falling in love
because you'll get hurt
are you distrustful and cut off people
at the drop of a hat do you like keeping
your options open in case someone better
comes along
do you fear that a relationship means
you'll lose yourself your identity
and your independence the good news is
emotional unavailability is something
that
can be worked on it really just requires
the will to work on your own personal
development
show up and be vulnerable and yes there
will definitely be some stumbles along
the way
but ultimately if you want a meaningful
connection and intimate relationship
the work for the emotionally unavailable
person is necessary
and if you're the person dealing with
someone who's emotionally unavailable
you have to figure out if they're
actually willing
to show up and do that work i'm anna
akana and thank you to squarespace for
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