Simon: So what you're saying is...
"Unleash your crotch's bird!"
[Captions by gianccm]
Martina: Okay, we are way too excited about this wonderful-
Simon: Yup.
Martina: This is--this is the definition of a Wonderful Treasure Find.
Simon: We bought this a while ago and we just have no idea what to do with this thing!
Martina: I'll tell you what's amazing about it is that we got this in "Taiso" (Daiso) in Japan.
Simon: Yup.
Martina: And there's Daiso in Korea as well.
(Simon agrees)
Martina: And so we went to Korea and they didn't have it!
Simon: No!
Martina: So we we're like "Next time we go to Japan, we cannot miss this opportunity to get this Wonderful Treasure Find!"
Simon: These "inflatable wild swans!"
Martina: Why is it wild?
Simon: I'm not sure!
Martina: Why isn't it just an "inflatable swan"?
Simon: So the instructions are--you're supposed to take off the stickiness of the back of it,
attach it to your crotch, squeeze around your groin area, and then it becomes fully erect.
Martina: Hey, hey, listen!
Simon: Erect, no--erect like um, erect a building!
Martina: We've had some of our WTF's age restricted.
Simon: Yeah.
Martina: We have to be sensitive--
Simon: We're not saying any sexual words aside--
Martina: No!
Simon: Youtube, don't you dare age-restrict us!
Martina: No!
Simon: No!
Martina: This is simply a strap-on swan, right?--
Simon: These are--no, stick-on swans!
Martina: A stick-on swan!
Simon: Yes, that goes over your groin area.
Martina: And it's got a really questionable-looking drunk man--
Simon: I like how there are only two people on there, like the demographic is "really pretty ballerina girls" or like "dirty pervert-o guys with missing teeth..."
Martina: He's got a hole in his sock!
Simon: Why he's got a hole in his sock, c'mon! Are you the ballerina and am I the pervert-o?
Martina: Yup.
I just really wanna know, what is the possible use for this?
Simon: O-kay!
So now I have to unstick the back; there's no tape.
Martina: Guess I'll tape it on like here...
Simon: Uh-huh! And then squeeze at the balls. Alright, here we go.
Martina: Stop, they're not balls! They are [indistinct]--
Simon: No, they are like, some like--
Martina: 'Kay, here?
Simon: Yes, squeeze it tight.
(Simon "urghs")
(Martina "rnghs")
Simon: Was expecting something... (Martina laughs) A little bit more....
Simon: Yours leans off to the side. Yours is a little curved to the side.
Martina: Does it look good?
Simon: It's not fully straight.
In unison: Oh no!
Simon: Oh!
Martina: Is it okay?
Simon: It's okay, swan dick, you're fine.
Martina: Yeah, I really don't know what we could do with these.
Simon: Really no idea.
Text: "C'est Fini"
Text: "Or is it?"
Left: "Diet Shoes" - Right: "Personal Claw Machine"
Captions by gianccm