- TO ALL MY FELLOW EARTHLINGS, HAPPY EARTH DAY.
[cheers and applause]
I THOUGHT I WOULD CELEBRATE EARTH DAY
BY DOING SOMETHING GREEN LIKE RECYCLING,
SO TODAY I'M USING MY EARTH DAY MONOLOGUE
FROM SEASON 2.
NO, I'M KIDDING.
BUT WE ALL DO NEED TO GO GREEN,
AND ONE THING WARNER BROS. IS DOING IS,
THEY HAVE A FARMERS MARKET HERE EVERY SINGLE WEEK ON THE LOT.
AND HOLY PETUNIAS, THERE'S A LOT OF FREE SAMPLES.
FARMERS MARKETS ARE LIKE A COSTCO FOR HIPPIES.
THAT'S WHAT THEY ARE.
I COULD NOT BELIEVE HOW MANY FREE SAMPLES THERE WERE.
IT TOOK ME AN HOUR TO GET PAST THE HUMMUS GUY.
DIDN'T EVEN KNOW YOU COULD HAVE 37 VARIETIES
OF HUMMUS THAT HE HAD ME TRY EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM.
THERE'S THAT LITTLE TINY, TINY AMOUNT THAT YOU TRY.
AND THAT IS THE THING ABOUT THE FARMERS MARKET.
YOU CAN'T JUST POP IN AND OUT
LIKE YOU DO AT A GROCERY STORE.
PEOPLE MOVE AT A GROCERY STORE.
PEOPLE MOVE VERY SLOWLY AT A FARMERS MARKET.
PEOPLE ARE MOSEYING PAST THE RHUBARB
AND LOOKING AT THE DIFFERENT THINGS,
AND IF THEY'RE NOT MOSEYING, THEN THEY'RE SAUNTERING.
AND IF THEY'RE WEARING TOO MUCH PATCHOULI, THEY'RE FROLICKING.
GOING TO THE FARMERS MARKET
IS LIKE WALKING INTO AN OLD WORLD BIZARRE.
EVERYONE'S SELLING THEIR WARES AND OFFERING YOU SOMETHING.
TRY THIS, TRY THAT, TRY THIS.
THIS IS A TRUE STORY.
ONE TIME I WAS HEADED INTO A FARMERS MARKET,
AND I PASSED SOME OLIVES AND THEN SOME FRESH BERRIES,
AND THEN ALMONDS AND THEN MANGOS,
AND EVERYONE'S TRYING TO GET ME TO STOP.
AND THEN THERE'S A YOUNG GIRL THAT CAME UP TO ME
AND TRIED TO GET ME TO BUY SOME GUM.
AND SHE'S LIKE, "CHICLE, CHICLE, CHICLE," WHATEVER.
AND I REALIZE I HAD WALKED ALL THE WAY TO MEXICO.
I WAS IN...
[cheers and applause]
I WAS IN MEXICO.
TRUE STORY.
AND FOR SOME REASON,
THERE'S ALWAYS A GUY GIVING OUT MASSAGES.
NO, THANK YOU.
IF I WANT A BACKRUB FROM A STRANGER IN A CROWDED PLACE,
I'LL RIDE THE BUS.
I THINK IT'S IMPORTANT TO SUPPORT PEOPLE
WHO GROW THEIR OWN FOOD.
WE SHOULD ALL STRIVE TO LEAVE A SMALLER CARBON FOOTPRINT.
[cheers and applause]
VERY IMPORTANT.
I AM ALWAYS CAREFUL NOT TO STEP INTO CARBON.
I DON'T WANT TO LEAVE THE FOOTPRINT.
RIGHT NOW I'M GONNA LEAVE SOME FOOTPRINTS WITH THIS DANCE.