Do you have a colleague or a friend who can make it all about themselves?
Do they seem arrogant and unable to put themselves in other people’s shoes?
If so, you may be dealing with a narcissist.
This video will teach you how to recognize and respond to one.
Make sure to watch until the end, because it’s one of the most amazing tips we’ve ever seen!
We have all heard about narcissism, but do you know where the term comes from?
In Greek mythology, Narcissus was a handsome and proud young man.
He never loved anyone before he saw his reflection and fell in love with it.
Narcissus withered away and died, turning into a flower.
This story may seem morbid but narcissism isn’t just a personality trait - narcissistic behaviour that is pathological can turn into narcissistic personality disorder.
So how can you recognize a narcissist?
One of the key give-aways is that narcissists are all about grandiosity.
Narcissists feel entitled and that they are above others.
They believe that they are so unique and different from most people that only those similar to them can understand them.
They may demonstrate their believed superiority openly or covertly and are often condescending towards others.
If someone from your entourage puts themself on a pedestal, constantly brags about their achievements and likes to belittle others, you are likely dealing with a narcissist.
They may disguise this behaviour as benevolence and appear as a knowledgeable mentor at first, but their lack of empathy will give them away.
As a rule, narcissists cannot put themselves in other people’s shoes.
They’re stuck seeing the world through their own eyes and while every person perceives their environment in their own way, most people can imagine what it would feel like to be in the same position as someone else.
Narcissists have difficulty doing this though, and noticing somebody cannot really empathize with others may be a sign that they are on the narcissistic spectrum.
Furthermore, their arrogance often leads to exploitation of other people as a means of reaching their personal goals.
They may go as far as being demeaning to those around them.
We all know narcissists to have inflated self-esteem and self-appraisal.
However, an important note to keep in mind is that nowadays we distinguish between two types of narcissism - one whose key characteristic is grandiosity and another type, where the person feels vulnerable and sensitive but skillfully hides this behind high self-esteem.
The vulnerable narcissist fears rejections and criticism, which prevents them from creating strong relationships with others.
What is more, narcissistic individuals may actually have inflated or deflated feelings of self-worth and self-appraisal, or waver between both.
They cannot stand being challenged by others and are bound to retaliate if they judge something as a threat to their status.
Narcissists are consumed by fantasies of power and achievement but if they are vulnerable, they are likely to feel ashamed of these mental images.
Another giveaway for narcissists is that they cannot create meaningful relationships.
Narcissists typically struggle to create long-lasting and healthy relationships with others.
They tend to seek personal gain and turn relationships into a one-way street that revolves around them.
As soon as the other person stops providing them with admiration or envy, narcissistic people end the relationship and move on to the next crowd of admirers.
If you notice that a friend of yours can always find a way to make the conversation about themselves and is only involved in your life as long as they receive something in return, you should give it a thought if they have other narcissistic characteristics.
Narcissists seek attention at all costs.
They will do everything in their power to be in the spotlight by bragging, exaggerating their abilities and achievements or even ridiculing others.
They want to be the soul of the party, the leader of the group - in brief, the person who will always be noticed first.
Luckily for others, this tendency is very easily recognizable.
Nevertheless, that is not the case for people with narcissism who are oblivious to their behaviour.
They often fail to recognize their true motivations and the destructive nature of their behaviour.
This is why confronting a narcissist may be particularly difficult - they are not receptive to constructive feedback and if you directly confront them, they may view your action as an attack on their persona.
However, we are now going to give you a few tips on how to approach and deal with a narcissist.
There are different ways of handling narcissists and how you do it depends on many factors.
For instance, if you are dealing with a narcissist at work, you may turn their characteristics into a useful tool.
You can try humoring them to put to use their talents.
If you are working on a project together, if your job involves a lot of teamwork, or if you need help, you can encourage and compliment them; they will be happy to show off their talents and this will benefit your work too.
Another option, if you are having difficulty with them at work, would be to escalate the matter to the management.
They will take measures to ensure the smooth functioning of the workplace.
Taking a more general perspective, regardless of what context you have to face a narcissist in, there are some general points to keep in mind.
The first and most important thing is to know how to identify narcissism.
Luckily for you, you already know how to do this, so the next step is to set clear boundaries with them.
You need to be ready to stand your ground and not let them discredit you.
Do not be afraid to stand up for yourself and let your voice be heard.
When resisting a narcissist, be clear, concise and stay on track.
Do not get carried away in the conversation or let it turn into something else.
Stay on topic, be assertive and once you have stated your position, end the conversation.
Narcissists may try to provoke or derail you, so make sure to remain calm.
Even if they strike a nerve, remind yourself you are dealing with someone from the narcissistic spectrum, and do not give in.
Be aware that narcissists readily strike back.
If they believe you have wronged them, even if this is not the case, they will attempt to belittle you or trick you into feeling guilty.
As they can only see the story from their side, they believe that your intentions are malicious and any attempt to broaden their perspective will be considered from their point of view to be a way to undermine them.
Another method they could use is to play with your sympathy - they can create an elaborate story in which they make you out to be the villain.
Therefore, prepare mentally and be sure of yourself, do not let them arouse doubt in your mind if you want to defend your boundaries.
Remember that this is not your fault, and you are simply defending your stance.
You should not make a compromise to please others if that is against your interests or wellbeing.
If the narcissist in your life is a part of your family, or a person you cannot really avoid, they are other measures you can take to ensure serenity in your life.
Surround yourself with people you can count on and who can support you through tough moments.
Narcissists can make you doubt yourself or your abilities but you should not let the opinion of one person influence your life.
If possible, refer the narcissist to a psychologist or a therapist to help them work through challenges.
There are also a few don’ts you should keep in mind when communicating with a narcissistic person.
Even though it may be tempting to give them arguments to show them another perspective, your plan will have a very slight chance of success.
Narcissistic individuals are usually unable to consider another person’s point of view, and they stay focused on their world.
Arguing is futile with them and it will not lead to an improvement in communication.
Same goes for leadership - they need to feel they are in control, so if you attempt to tell them what to do, it will probably lead to them lashing out, having their self-image and sense of control threatened.
Be aware that it is difficult to get into a serious conversation with them - they feel threatened very easily, and quickly retaliate or shut down.
This may be particularly challenging if you want to preserve your relationship with this person and if that is the case, your best chance would be to get help for your loved one from a mental health professional.
Lastly, when you want to get a point across, stay on the current topic.
Even if this is a recurrent issue and your disappointment goes into the past, a narcissist is more likely to listen to you if you express what you feel in the present.
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