-A Kansas City mom's car was stolen
at a gas station recently,
so she tracked the thief down and stole it back,
which brings us to a segment called
"The kind of story we need right now."
[ Cheers and applause ]
This is Danielle Reno.
A couple weeks ago she pulled into a gas station,
got out of her car, and when she did,
someone else jumped in it and drove away.
So she did what any normal person would do.
She filed a police report,
and then in a move that can only be described as abnormal,
she hunted the car down herself.
Danielle's cellphone and wallet were still in the car,
so she started tracking the thief's location
on the phone's GPS and cross-referencing that
with charges the thief was making on her credit card.
This is the kind of story we need right now.
While the rest of the U.S. -- well, the rest of us, excuse me,
are watching the news every day feeling helpless,
this woman watched "Taken" and was like, "I can do that."
[ Laughter ] "But for my car."
[ Applause ]
So what happened next?
Danielle showed up at each of the stores
where the thief had used her credit card,
talked to employees, and looked for clues.
To be clear, this woman
has no previous law enforcement experience.
She's just a mom trying to get to the bottom of a crime.
And if you've ever come home after curfew smelling like weed,
you know moms solve crimes!
[ Cheers and applause ]
It's too bad.
It is too bad she is not a detective
because Danielle Reno is a kickass detective name.
Danielle Reno sounds like the main character on a show on TNT.
[ Laughter ]
So finally, after two days
of intense Mariska Hargitay role playing,
Danielle had a break in the case.
She showed up to a different gas station
where the thief had recently used her card
and learned that he had just missed them.
But one of the gas station attendants had overheard
the thief making plans to have lunch at Applebee's
because even criminals in your neighborhood like to eat good.
[ Laughter ]
Also I guess the lesson here is if you're doing something shady
at a gas station, whisper, because it turns out
the gas station attendants are listening to you.
[ Laughter ]
So Danielle was off to Applebee's.
But because this story takes place in America,
her hometown has multiple Applebee's.
[ Laughter ]
So she and her friends split up
and each went to a different location to wait.
This is the kind of story we need right now.
Nothing this cool ever happens at Applebee's.
[ Laughter ]
Only two things ever happen there --
co-workers' birthdays and custody hand-offs.
[ Laughter ]
Also, how cool is it to be friends with Danielle Reno?
Most moms call you and invite you to book club.
Danielle's like, "Are you free for a stakeout?"
[ Laughter ]
So Danielle's chilling in a booth, lying in wait,
probably sipping on something like this
when the thief walks in.
Danielle walks out, finds her car in the parking lot
and drives away because you know Mom has a spare key.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Then she called the police,
but not before live-streaming her victory on Facebook.
-Oh, my God.
So, before I call the cops,
I wanted to show you guys what I just found
by doing our own stalking.
And I am going to pull into this parking lot and call 911.
And she's about to get her ass arrested
because we [bleep] found her.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Now, I know. I know.
[ Cheers and applause ]
You're not supposed to use the phone while you're driving.
But I think we can make an exception
when the driver is actively solving a crime.
[ Laughter ]
"Ma'am, you want to tell me what you're doing
driving while on your phone?"
"Yeah. Your job."
[ Laughter ]
Danielle called the cops.
They arrested the thief and she got her car back.
Plus, her show got greenlit for season two.
[ Laughter ]
These days, the world is full of people committing crimes
and getting away with it.
So, thank you, Danielle Reno,
for catching at least one of them
because this is the kind of story we need right now.
[ Cheers and applause ]