Hey there! You want to know
The one that all narcissists, believe and fall for.
I'm breaking it all down for you,
right here in this video.
So, stay tuned.
Hi, I'm Rebecca Zung.
I'm an attorney. I am an author.
I help people negotiate powerfully with narcissists.
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All right, let's talk about what the biggest lie is.
This is the one that all narcissists believe and fall for.
Before I tell you what it is,
I'm going to tell you a story.
When I first went out on my own as a lawyer,
I hired a business coach.
This business coach helped me
put together goals for myself.
She gave me homework, and the following week,
I was supposed to, have done my homework.
One of the items of homework she gave me
was to write down how much money
I wanted the firm to make the following year,
(it was the first year of the firm) and
how much money I would actually bring home.
So, the following week we get back together and
she says to me, “Did you do your homework?”,
I said, yeah, so I pull up my little pad of paper and
I said, okay, I've run the numbers.
I've crunched the numbers
I did all my numbers at home,
these are all of our expenses and
in order for us to make it,
this is how much money I need to make.
So, that's my goal, and she looked at me and
she said, “Do you just want to make it?
or, would you actually like to make money?”
I was like, well, I’d like to make money but okay and
she's like, “well, then, write down that you're making money”.
I was like, oh okay,
like I almost had to give myself permission
or have somebody else give me permission to ask
for something more than just the bare minimum.
Just what I needed.
So, what she pointed out to me at that point was
I don't know that I had ever heard that before,
but there's this scarcity mentality
versus the abundance mentality and
what that means is that you believe that
either there's enough to go around always and
there's not like a finite amount of things in the universe, and
if you don't get in on it, you're going to lose out,
That’s abundance or scarcity is, the opposite.
Like there's only so much to go around and
there's not enough and if I don't hurry,
then, I'm definitely not going to get it.
I can't ask for too much because, then you know what?
There won't be enough for anybody else to go around.
Like, I just want you to understand that
this is a huge part of how a narcissist thinks.
They believe this to the extreme and
not just with money, but with anything, everything.
I once had a person that I had to deal with
in my business who was in the business with me and,
I would find out later that she had tips on certain things,
or that she was employing certain strategies or things
that would work for her,
to make her look better, but, it would have
actually made the entire business better
had she passed on the tips to me so that
I would also know them as well,
but she couldn't do it.
Not even to make the business look better.
Like, it was more important that
she looked as good as possible and
I think that they don't even really process it.
It's not like they think about it.
I think it's really really subconscious.
Like, if somebody actually asked this person
to articulate what's going to happen to you,
If you share this information,
would you fall apart? would you die?
would you wither and become the Wicked Witch of the West?
If that happened to you,
I don't think they really think about it
but they definitely are very close to the chest,
don't even give a dollar,
don't even give one extra cent to a person,
unless you absolutely have to,
unless you're getting something out of the deal, and
you better be getting way more out of it than
what you're having to give because
you don't want to have to give anything.
What I want you to understand though,
is that is a huge lie, because
the truth of the matter is
the problem is that you get what you think about,
where your energy goes, that's where your focus flows and
that's what you start to see growing in your life.
We can all bloom and if I bloom then, that's great and
if somebody else blooms, that's great too and
we can have a beautiful garden.
But my blooming has nothing to do
with the other person's blooming, right?
Those two things don't necessarily have anything to do
with each other and same thing with stars.
Like a star in the sky they just shine.
They don't worry about what's going on because
there's plenty of shining that we can all do.
The real Paradox in this whole thing though,
because the universe responds to you.
So, the more you are afraid that
there's not going to be enough,
that's what keeps showing itself to you.
There's not enough, not enough, not enough.
Esther Hicks talks about this in her talks,
with Abraham Hicks, where she says,
“If you think to yourself all the time where your thoughts are
I don't have enough money, I don't have enough money,
I don't have enough money, I don't have enough money.
Then you ask the universe to turn around and give you
the opposite of what it is that you're saying all the time,
it doesn't even make any sense.
The universe will respond to you.
It is energy, like attracts like,
it is just a very basic law of physics,
quantum physics, quantum mechanics.
However, you want to look at it, it's science.
So, your thoughts are energy and
what you're beaming out into the universe,
you're going to get back into your life.
If you're jealous of people, if you're sitting around saying
“Why does that person have this?”,
and “How come I don't have that?”
I've had people who've worked at my law firms,
who are like that, “why does this person have that?”
It's like, “life isn't fair, it's never fair”.
And if you feel that way,
that's going to be your way of being and
it's always going to be that life isn't fair.
That's what you're going to keep
seeing showing up in your life and
if you don't like it, you've got to change it.
When you're dealing with narcissists,
you got to realize that that's how they think.
That thinking,
especially if you've been married to a person
will spill over to you and
you'll start thinking that way too.
You've got to notice that and
stop thinking the way that they think.
I mean, they’re scarcity to the extreme.
In their world, there isn't enough love, enough respect,
enough money, enough prestige, enough recognition to go around.
There's not enough to go around.
So, they have to grab it where they can.
It's a survival technique.
It's almost like the kids who are on Easter egg hunts,
they're going and running and trying to get
as many eggs into their basket as they can.
Or even like kids who are going after candy
that's been banged out of a piñata and it sprays to the floor.
But there's only so many pieces to go around
so, they feel like they have to run in there and
grab as much as they can because
there's just not enough.
That is why they are
so desperate for supply all of the time.
If you want to know more about narcissistic supply,
definitely check out my video on that topic.
What they don't realize is that
there are enough piñatas to go around.
There are infinite piñatas in the universe.
Don't ask for food.
You don't go into a restaurant and tell
the server you want food, you ask very specifically.
You say I want the steak, medium rare,
with the vegetables on the side and a salad and no dressing…
Whatever it is. You're very very specific, and
that's the way you have to be when
you’re asking for what you want as well and then,
start feeling the emotions of what it feels like to have that.
Maybe it's an outcome that you want
from the negotiations that you're in.
If you got everything you wanted,
what would your life look like?
Where are you standing? How do you feel?
What are you wearing? What house are you living in?
Who are you talking to?
Make it as specific as possible, as if it's already happened and
then even feel gratitude for it,
you can take one more step, and say
I am so grateful that it all worked out the way it was supposed to.
I got this, that and the other thing…
Feel yourself in the flow and
floating downstream in that flow, instead of
trying to swim upstream against the current all the time.
If you're with me on this and
you're still listening here,
I want to know that you are feeling that flow.
That you’re with me, even just for the moment
you’re watching this video.
You are understanding the laws of physics, and
the laws of the universe and
the law that tells you that the universe is abundant,
there is enough,
you can get the outcomes that you want and
you can have the life that you want.
So, the biggest lie is that there's not enough.
We're like Rumpelstiltskin,
you can spin your straw into gold.
Remember that old story, that old fairytale…
A great book, if you're looking for a good book is
“The Alchemist” by Paulo Coelho.
Fantastic. It's a short read.
You can read it in a few hours,
on a Saturday afternoon or something.
It's like a fable but it's really, really good.
It helps you to understand that
you create your niverse, you create your reality,
you have the control to do that.
I'm so excited to see what you guys come up with and
what you are able to manifest in your life.
If you like this video, give it a like, share it,
drop me a comment, tell me “I am in flow”
or whatever it is, it's on your mind.
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subscribe and hit that notification bell.
Also, grab my free “Crush my negotiation” prep worksheet
15 pages, free ebook at winmynegotiation.com.
Join my free private Facebook group
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I can't wait to see you in there.
Remember you got this,
you can manifest whatever it is you want.
Today is a great day to start negotiating your best life.
I will see you in the next video!