- What are the types of things a man says
when he deeply loves you, when he feels it to the core?
So besides the words, I love you,
what does a man say when he really cares about you,
when he's really feeling it deeply?
We're gonna share with you five things a man says
when he loves you deeply right now, check it out.
(gentle music)
Hey there, this is Mat Boggs,
and I'm the founder of the Love and Relationships division
of the Brave Thinking Institute,
where our mission is empowering people to create
and live a life they love, and that includes your love life.
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because every week we bring you videos
to empower you in your love life
and help you live a life you love.
So, this first phrase actually was shared with me
by a buddy of mine a few weeks ago,
where we were on a boys' trip.
Just happened to be our 25th annual boys' trip,
friends that I've had from grade school and middle school
and high school, and every year we get together.
And so this particular boys' trip,
we're all hanging out
and we were sitting around this table drinking beers,
and one of the guys says,
"Hey so, what have you guys learned
that's really helped you in your marriages,
in your relationship?"
And so this one gentlemen started sharing and he says,
"I have learned to not try to fix it
when my wife is having a stressful day,"
and the guys laugh (Mat laughing)
because we've all fallen into that trap of trying to fix it,
offer advice or solutions when our significant other
is having a tough day.
He goes, "Instead, what I just say is,
honey, that must be really hard."
And so that is phrase number one,
is, "Honey, that must be really hard."
And this phrase represents a strategy.
Something that your man has learned,
he's taken the effort to learn what makes you feel better.
That's why this is a demonstration of love,
because his natural tendency is to fix things.
This guy's natural tendency is to offer a solution,
but he's reserving that
because he knows what will really make her feel better
is what he's learned over time, is just compassion.
It's called jumping in the puddle.
When your partner is going through a tough time,
jump in the puddle with them and just say, offer compassion,
offer empathy and say, wow, that must be really tough,
or that really sucks, or that must be really hard.
When your man is doing that,
it shows a great demonstration of love, that he loves you,
because he's gone out of his way to learn the real thing
that will actually make you feel better in that moment.
Number two, when a man loves you
he will say things like this,
"Hey, a few months from now we should..."
And then he'll fill it in with a plan,
an activity, a vacation.
Hey, a few months from now we should take this vacation.
Hey, a few months from now we should go to this concert.
Hey, you know what?
In six months there is this thing happening, we should go.
That's a demonstration of love because
your man is seeing you in his future.
He's seeing his life with you.
In other words, he would rather be with you
than not be with you.
It was actually awareness of this particular phrase
that caused my wife to know that I was getting cold feet
before we got married.
See, we had been dating for over a year
and I would normally say things like,
"Hey, six months from now, we should do this,"
or "Three months from now, we should do this,"
because I was deeply in love with her.
And then there was a period where I got to the door of,
am I gonna propose or not?
And I started to get cold feet
and kinda go through my own process, and she sensed that.
And so she was asking, "Hey, what's going on with us?
Where are things going?"
And I hadn't really brought any of this topic up,
and I was wondering, I was like,
"How are you sensing that things are off?"
And she goes, "Because,
you are not saying the things you used to say
in the beginning of our relationship.
You're not futurizing with me.
You're not saying, Hey,
like I'm not in the conversation of your future plans,
six months from now or a year from now."
And as I reflected I was like, wow, she's right.
That was a reflection of my own fear
about not knowing what I was gonna do.
Now, of course, everything worked out.
I was able to move through that fear and we got married,
but her awareness of that language shift
was a great indicator of my fear, my cold feet.
So you knowing, how does your man feel?
Or, what is he using in his language?
Is he talking about future events?
Is he saying we should do this three months from now,
six months from now, a year from now, because if he is,
that's a great indicator for how invested he is in you.
Now, while that last phrase was about future plans,
this phrase number three is about present plans.
And the third phrase is "Honey, let's talk about the plan."
Because so often, what a guy will fail to do,
is think about his significant other in his plan
enough to fill her in on the details.
That is a lack of effort.
There's a lack of love.
So, when is he leaving?
When is he coming back?
What are the details?
A friend of mine recently told me now,
she'd been married for many, many years
and her husband is an engineer mind, and really focuses in,
and his natural inclination was to just forget
to give her important details about the plan.
For example, they'd be driving to a family get together
and on the way there, he would say,
"Oh honey, I forgot to tell you, this is a potluck."
And she looked at him saying, "What?
We're going to a potluck and you didn't tell me
so I could bring something?"
And they'd have to pull over, go to the store,
buy something to take to this event.
Well, the funny part is, she's a gourmet cook.
So if he would at least give her a heads up,
she could cook a meal for the family
and an amazing meal at that.
And so, one of his demonstrations of love
was to really caus his engineer mind to focus in on,
hey, how can I love my wife?
She loves to know what the plan is,
I mean obviously a potluck, but all the plans.
She loves to know what those details are.
So, he makes an effort to fill her in
on all the details that mattered to her,
even if they don't naturally occur to him.
So when your man is willing to give you the details,
and here's what the plan is.
And here's what I am doing.
And when I'm gonna be back.
All of that is a demonstration of love.
He wants to take care of you
and make sure that you feel safe and comfortable.
And this brings me to number four.
And number four is, "I messed up, I'm sorry."
When you love somebody,
you are willing to own your mistakes.
When you screw up, you make a bad choice,
you're not operating at your best,
you're willing to say you're sorry,
you're willing to own your side of the street.
And in relationships there are always gonna be,
none of us are perfect.
Every single one of us are gonna make mistakes.
Your man is gonna screw up, he is gonna make mistakes.
But, is he willing at least to own it, say he's sorry,
and then try to make it right with you?
A friend of mine was recently describing to me
how he went on a vacation with his wife.
And he's got three kids,
and they were gonna ride bikes on this vacation.
And all three of his sons, they're little,
they're below the age of 10
but they all know how to ride bikes,
and he knows how to ride a bike,
but his wife doesn't know how to ride a bike.
And one of his dreams
is to go on a family bike ride with her.
And he tried to teach her a few years back,
but it didn't go well, and she crashed,
and she got kind of hurt and banged up, scraped up,
and so, she hadn't been willing to ride a bike.
And so, on this particular trip,
they were with another group of family friends,
and they were all going for a bike ride and he said,
"Hey you guys, my wife doesn't know how to ride a bike.
Maybe we can help her ride a bike."
He said, in that moment, she shot him the death stare.
And he was like, got defensive about it,
and later they went in and talked just the two of them,
and she was like, "Why would you call me out
in front of all these other people,
that I don't know how to ride a bike?"
And he was like, "Because I want them to help you learn.
Maybe they can help you,
and we can all go on a bike ride together.
That's my dream, that we go on a bike ride together."
And she was like, "Look, I don't wanna be pushed,
I don't wanna be called out in front of other people,
I will learn to ride a bike,
but I will learn at my own pace."
And he said, "You know what?
You're right.
I'm sorry, that was rude.
I should not have called you out
in front of those other people.
I should've come to you and said,
are you interested in this, and how can we make it work?"
And so in that moment he owned it.
And the two of them hugged, they kissed,
and they made a plan for how to help her ride a bike
in a way that feels good to her.
So, someone who can own their side,
even though he wants something, you want something,
the two of you are butting heads,
can you own at least your part of it?
That's a great demonstration of love.
And number five is, "Let's go see your family."
Now, let's go see your family is actually code for,
let's do something that really matters to you.
There was a period maybe a few months back,
where my wife hadn't seen her family.
She has an extended family that lives in this area
and they're about an hour and 20 minutes away.
And so, earlier that week, she was saying,
you know, gosh, she really misses her family,
and it's been a while since she'd seen them,
a few months since she seen them.
And so that weekend I woke up and said,
"What do we got going on today?"
And she was like, "Oh, I don't know."
And I said, "Well, let's go see your family."
And she just, her eyes welled up with tears.
And she gave me a big hug and she goes,
"Oh my gosh, that feels so good to hear you say that."
I hadn't even crossed her mind that morning,
but I had remembered that this mattered to her.
This was something that she wanted to do.
So, is your man suggesting that you do things
that matter to you?
That it might not be his first choice,
I wanted to go surfing at the beach that day,
but I knew that it really mattered to my wife,
that it would make a huge impression on her if we could say,
hey, let's dedicate this day
to doing something that she really wants to do.
A great expression of love
is when your partner's needs and wants
matter at the same degree as your own.
So those are five things that your man says
when he deeply loves you.
My question for you is,
what are some things you've heard your man say
when he's demonstrating love for you?
Go ahead and post that in the comment section below,
I love reading your comments.
This is an amazing community of heart-centered women
who are expanding love in the world.
I appreciate you.
Thanks for watching.
I'll see you soon.
(upbeat music)