LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY FIRST GUEST TONIGHT IS AN EMMY,
GRAMMY, OSCAR, AND TONY-WINNING HOST OF "THE VIEW."
PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW," WHOOPI GOLDBERG!
♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: MAY I?
>> THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
>> Stephen: SO FEW GUESTS BRING THAT LITTLE EXTRA
SOMETHING.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
>> YOU HAD ALL KIND OF PUPPY HAIR ALL OVER YOU.
>> Stephen: IT'S ALWAYS SO FUN TO HOLD PUPPIES.
>> THEY'RE GREAT.
WE'VE DONE IT FROM TIME TO TIME.
AND, YOU KNOW, WHEN PEOPLE -- >> Stephen: YOU AND I--
>> ARE ABLE-- WELL, WE'VE KNOWN MANY BITCHES IN OUR LIVES.
>> Stephen: BUT I'VE RARELY HELD THEM.
( LAUGHTER ).
>> WELL, YOU ARE A MARRIED MAN.
>> Stephen: TRUE.
>> NO, YOU HAVEN'T HELD THEM.
BUT I THINK, YOU KNOW, PEOPLE WHEN THEY ARE ABLE TO ADOPT,
IT'S A WONDERFUL THING, YOU KNOW,.
>> Stephen: DO YOU HAVE A DOG?
>> I HAD A DOG FOR A WHILE.
AND HE WAS BLIND AND HE WAS DEAF.
AND I RAISED HIM NOT TO REALLY PAY ATTENTION TO THAT.
AND THE PEOPLE THAT I HAD GOTTEN HIM FROM CAME AND SAID, "YOU
KNOW, WE HAVE OTHER DOGS THAT COULD REALLY USE HIS HELP."
BECAUSE HE WAS BLIND AND DEAF, HE DIDN'T SCARE THE OTHER DOGS.
SO THEY COULD BRING HIM IN AND HE WOULD LAY DOWN AND THEY WOULD
COME AND LAY WITH HIM.
>> Stephen: OH, THAT'S NICE.
HOW DID YOU HELP HIM GET OVER THE FACT THAT HE WAS BLIND AND
DEAF.
DID YOU HOLD HIM ALL THE TIME?
>> NO, NO, NO.
I TREATED HIM LIKE A REGULAR DOG.
WE WOULD GO DOWN THE STAIRS-- BUT HIS SENSES ARE GOOD.
HIS SENSES ARE GOOD.
HE KNOWS WHEN HE'S NEAR SOMETHING.
HE CAN SMELL STUFF.
MANY PEOPLE TRY TO CODDLE ANIMALS LIKE THIS, AND I THINK
YOU HAVE TO SORT OF GET THEM PREPARED TO BE OUTSIDE.
AND HE'S GREAT.
I MEAN, I SEE HIM FROM TIME TO TIME.
I GET VIDEO THEY SAY SEND ME THAT SAY, "LOOK, HE'S DOING SO
WELL."
>> Stephen: YOU HAD HIM FOR A WHILE AND YOU SORT OF-- YOU
COACHED HIM UP TO GO TO SOME OTHER FAMILY.
>> YEAH AND IT WAS KIND OF WONDERFUL.
>> Stephen: SO YOU WERE A HALFWAY HOUSE.
>> I'M A HALFWAY HOUSE.
YES.
AND MY CAT WAS LIKE, "I'M GLAD.
BECAUSE I DIDN'T KNOW WE WERE GOING TO BE DOING ALL THAT."
MY CAT IS, LIKE, 18 NOW.
>> Stephen: WHOA!
>> YEAH, SO HE'S LIKE, "WHO'S COMING?
FOR HOW LONG?" YOU KNOW, ATTITUDE, BIG ATTITUDE
-- >> Stephen: WAS THIS YOUR
FIRST DOG?
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: THEY'RE SO GREAT, AREN'T THEY?
>> WELL, THEY'RE VERY DIFFERENT.
THEY REALLY WANT YOUR ATTENTION.
>> Stephen: CATS DO NOT GIVE A DAMN.
>> CATS DON'T CARE.
UNLESS YOU LEAVE.
THEN THEY LEAVE YOU LITTLE TOOTSIE ROLL THINGS.
( LAUGHTER ).
>> Stephen: WELL, LISTEN, YOU-- YOU'VE GOT AN EXPERTISE ON
SOMETHING I NEED TO ASK.
IT'S A MOMENT OF NATIONAL CRISE.
I'M SURE YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.
YOU'RE A FOUR-TIME OSCAR HOST.
THERE IS PRESENTLY NO OSCAR HOST.
HAS ANYBODY CALLED YOU?
>> NO.
>> Stephen: NO ONE'S EVEN CALLED YOU?
>> NO, NO.
I WANT KEN TO DO IT.
>> Stephen: KEN WOULD BE GREAT.
>> HE WOULD BE BRILLIANT AND BE THE FIRST ASIAN AMERICAN TO HOST
THE OSCARS AND A WHOLE SERIES OF FIRSTS. AND HE ALSO LOVES FILM,
AND I THINK THAT'S WHAT YOU NEED IN A HOST.
SOMEBODY WHO GETS WHY FILM IS GREAT, AND THE INS AND OUTS OF
SILLINESS OF THE MOVIE S.
>> Stephen: WHY DO YOU THINK NOBODY WANTS TO DO IT THIS YEAR?
>> BECAUSE I THINK-- IT'S NOT SO MUCH THAT NOBODY WANTS TO DO IT
BUT, YOU KNOW, WITH SOCIAL MEDIA-- YOU USED TO ONLY HAVE TO
WORRY ABOUT NEWSPAPER CRITICS SAYING STUFF ABOUT NOW.
BUT NOW YOU'VE GOT EVERYBODY AND THEIR MOTHER, "WELL, I DIDN'T
LIKE THE WAY HIS TEETH LOOKED."
YOU KNOW.
AND, "HE'S NOT FUNNY?
OH, MY GOD, HE WAS SO BORING.
I WATCHED THE WHOLE SHOW.
HE WAS SO BORING."
NOBODY WANTS TO HEAR THAT.
NOBODY WANTS TO HEAR IT.
AND IT SHOULD BE A LOT EASIER TO DO THAN IT IS.
>> Stephen: DO YOU EVER READ SOCIAL MEDIA ABOUT YOU?
>> NO, NO.
>> Stephen: IT'S TERRIBLE.
>> DIONCE.
I DID IN THE EARLY DAYS BECAUSE I THOUGHT I COULD ENGAGE WITH
PEOPLE.
AND THEN I THOUGHT, WELL, I CAN MAKE MYSELF FEEL REALLY, REALLY
BAD.
WHY AM I GOING TO SOMEBODY WHO DOESN'T KNOW ME?
( LAUGHTER )
CAN DO THIS MYSELF?
>> Stephen: YOU'RE A PRO!
>> I MEAN, WHO KNOWS HOW TO MAKE ME EAT MORE DOO THEN ME.
NOBODY.
>> Stephen: YOU KNOW WHERE THE BODIES ARE BURRED.
>> THAT'S RIGHT.
I DON'T READ IT.
I DON'T PAY ATTENTION TO IT.
>> Stephen: DO YOU PICK YOUR LIVER A LOT?
DO YOU CRITICIZE YOURSELF A LOT?
>> NOT A WHOLE BUNCH.
NOT A WHOLE BUNCH.
>> Stephen: HOW DO YOU GET RID OF YOUR ANXIETY?
( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: IT'S LEGAL IN NEW YORK CITY NOW, I THINK, SO...
( LAUGHTER )
I DON'T KNOW IF IT WAS...
>> NO, I TRY NOT TO INDULGE IN ANXIETY.
BECAUSE I FIND THAT NOBODY CARES.
EVERYBODY HAS THEIR OWN ANXIETY.
SO I JUST TRY TO FIND A BETTER PART OF ME AND TRY NOT-- AND IT
DOESN'T ALWAYS WORK.
SOMETIMES I JUST WILL CUSS SOMETHING OUT, JUST OUT OF THE
BLUE.
YEAH.
AND I THINK, OH, LITTLE ANXIOUS, ARE WE?
THAT'S HOW I KNOW.
BUT, YOU KNOW, IT'S LIKE ALL THE POLITICAL STUFF.
YOU KNOW, WE DEAL WITH IT EVERY DAY, EVERY DAY.
AND SO -- >> Stephen: SURE ON "THE
VIEW," IT OFTEN GETS HEATED.
>> IT CAN GET HEATED.
BUT, YOU KNOW, IT'S, LIKE, WHEN I'M NOT WORKING, I'VE STOPPED
GIVING A LOT OF ATTENTION.
THE FOLKS AT THE TOP ARE ALWAYS GOING TO BE PISSING ME OFF.
BUT IT'S WHAT'S HAPPENING HERE AND HERE.
THE FOLKS HERE ARE DOING PRETTY WELL.
THEY'VE GONE OUT AND SAID, "YOU KNOW.
WE'RE NOT HAPPY ABOUT THIS."
SO THAT'S WHY ALL THE VOTING HAPPENED.
AND REGARDLESS OF WHAT PEOPLE SAY--
( APPLAUSE )
SO I LIKE THE FACT THAT THE PEOPLE ARE TAKING IFERG BACK
SAYING,UN," WE, THE PEOPLE, ARE SERIOUS.
WE ACTUALLY ARE THE PEOPLE.
SO WE, THE PEOPLE, WE'RE NOT GOING TO PUT UP WITH IT."
SO IT'S BEEN GREAT
>> Stephen: YOU HAVE A NEW LINE HOLIDAY SWEATERS.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: I ASSUME THIS IS ONE OF THEM RIGHT HERE.
>> THIS IS ONE OF THEM.
>> Stephen: YOU DESIGNED YOUR HOLIDAY SWEATERS.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: YOU GAVE ME ONE-- YOU GAVE ME ONE LAST YEAR.
>> THIS IS.
>> Stephen: THIS IS THE ONE YOU GAVE ME LAST YEAR WITH THE--
IT HAS A TWERKING SANTA ON IT WITH LITTLE BALLS RIGHT THERE.
I LOVE IT.
I WEAR IT ALL THE TIME.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: I WEAR IT ALL THE TIME.
>> Stephen: WE HAVE A COUPLE OF OTHER GOOD ONES HERE THIS
YEAR.
TELL ME ABOUT-- WHAT IS THIS?
>> THAT'S AN ADVENT CALENDAR.
>> Stephen: AN ADVENT CALENDAR.
EACH ONE OF THESE IS A POCKET.
>> SO YOU CAN PUT CANDY.
>> Stephen: TOYS AND SAUSAGES.
>> DID YOU SAY SNAUSAGS.
>> Stephen: THIS IS AN INTERESTING ONE?
THIS IS LIKE A PONCHO.
>> IT'S A BIPT OF A PONCHO, AND IT'S REALLY FUN.
IT LIGHTS UP.
>> Stephen: YOU CAN DISGUISE YOURSELF AS A CHRISTMAS TREE.
>> YES, YOU CAN.
YES, YOU CAN.
IF I PUT IT ON AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN I WOULD LOOK LIKE THE
BOTTOM OF THE BARK.
YEAH, I KNOW WHAT I MEANT.
I KNOW WHAT I MEANT.
>> Stephen: OKAY, AND THIS ONE I LOVE.
WOULD YOU HELP ME WITH THIS ONE.
YOU WEAR THIS FOR NEW YEAR'S EVE, RIGHT.
2018, 2018.
HAPPY NEW YEAR.
>> Stephen: ARE YOU SURE.
>> Stephen: SURE, BABY, DO IT.
2019!
COME ON.
YOU CAN'T SELL THESE FAST ENOUGH.
>> NO.
>> Stephen: I DO WANT TO POINT OUT ONE THING, THOUGH.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: I DO WANT TO POINT OUT ONE THING.
THIS ONE RIGHT HERE, THIS IS FOR KIDS, THIS IS FOR KIDS.
THIS IS A HANUKKAH OPT PUS.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: I WANT TO POINT OUT SHELLFISH ARE NOT KOSHER.
THIS OCTOPUS IS-- YOU MIGHT AS WELL PUT A PIG AND A YARMULKE ON
THIS.
>> NO, NO, HE WILL NOT BE EATING HIMSELF.
SO HE'S FINE.
>> Stephen: OKAY, ALL RIGHT, GOOD TO KNOW.
>> THIS ONE IS FOR YOU.
>> Stephen: OH, ANOTHER ONE THIS YEAR.
WHAT I DO HAVE?
WHAT IS-- WHAT IS-- THESE ARE THREE DEER.
>> IT'S A THRUFFLE.
>> Stephen: IT'S ABOUT TO GO INTO A FREAKY THREE-WAY.
AND THEY'RE ALL MEN.
>> NO.
>> Stephen: THE ANTLERS MEAN THEY'RE MEN, WHOOPI.
UN-- BAMBI'S MOM DID NOT HAVE ANTLERS.
>> I THINK THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE ON THE WALL.
I THINK THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE THE GIRL.
( LAUGHTER )
THINK THOSE ARE THREE-- AND IT'S FINE.
IT'S TOTALLY FINE.
( LAUGHTER )
I'M FLATTERED.
I'M NOT INTO THAT SCENE, BUT I'M TOTALLY FLATTERED.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
>> MERRY CHRISTMAS.
>> Stephen: WHOOPI'S HOLIDAY SWEATERS ARE AVAILABLE ON
ZAPPOS.
WHOOPI GOLDBERG, EVERYBODY!
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH ADAM PALLY.