- We'll get five suggestions. I feel we should be good.
Let's come to this wedge here,
what would you like a rap about.
(crowd talking)
Not being able to find the exit in a bar. Cool.
Okay, cool. I like it.
Let's come to this segment over here.
Catch you out. You thought you had thinking time.
What would you like a rap about.
- [Person in Crowd] A doctor dealing with COVID.
- A doctor dealing with COVID. And what did you say?
- [Person in Crowd] Uncircumcised penises.
- Uncircumcised penises. Okay.
(crowd laughs)
I, obviously I am uncircumcised because in my country
we don't mutilate children.
(crowd cheers)
I know it's like a religious thing, but in,
like, America, it's just a thing.
And I asked my friends,
I was like, why did they do that?
They were like, we don't know.
And I was like, I think you should know.
So I did some research.
I found out actually there was quite a good reason for it.
What they do is they take all the foreskins,
and they knit them together
and they make a Senate minority leader.
(crowd laughs)
So, so a doctor dealing with COVID
and uncircumcised penises,
I'm going to, I'm going to combine those
and not finding the exit in a bar.
Okay. Let's go back of the room, people right at the back.
I want to hear from you.
(crowd talking)
What was the first-
(crowd talking)
One second, one second.
No, well no. People suggest that all the fucking time,
because they think they're edgy,
no someone said, you said something
that ended in Republicans.
What was the first part?
- [Person in Crowd] Climate change with Republicans.
- Climate change Republicans.
- [Person in Crowd] With Republicans.
- With Republicans.
Okay, cool.
Some real word soup there. Okay.
Middle of the, middle of the room.
- [Person in Crowd] Ramadan.
- Ramadan.
Ramadan is the Muslim period of fasting before the
celebration of Eid. Is that right?
Yeah. Cool.
Okay.
And then people in the middle. Yes.
You've got a hand up. That's so polite. I love it.
Rappers be like "put your hands up."
You're like,
"Yes, finally. The opportunity."
Yeah.
So just to recap what we've got,
Not finding the exit in a bar,
a doctor dealing with COVID and an uncircumcised penis,
Ramadan, and the, what was yours again?
Oh yeah. Republican climate change.
Yes. What would you like a rap about?
- [Person in Crowd] What's your coolest dance move?
- The coolest dance move.
That's just a question.
(crowd laughs)
Well, there's not, I'll show you. My coolest dance move is,
no it's yeah. So you forgot what I was talking about.
Well, that's fine.
I will show you, I do one dance move.
It's that one, right?
Which is called the Gwyneth Paltrow at the end of Seven.
(crowd laughs)
Let's get a suggestion. Cause that's just, you know,
I'm just fucking knocking out of the park
with these ad-lib jokes.
Suggestion from the front,
- [Person in Crowd] Legalizing Strippers!
- What was it?
Legalizing strippers.
I don't know what state you're from, but I'm pretty sure-
The one Mormon in the room.
Okay.
(crowd laughs)
So not being able to find the exit in a bar,
a doctor dealing with COVID and an uncircumcised penis,
climate change Republicans, Ramadan,
and legalizing strippers.
This, lovely people, is a freestyle.
That's a rap made up on the spot,
and we are lucky enough to have a fantastic band
who are going to lay down some funky grooves for us.
And I'm excited to see where this is gonna go.
And I'm sure you guys are intrigued as well,
because this sounds like we're about to start
a set of jazz lounge standards,
which yeah, this is the type of energy,
vibe I'm feeling.
Where are we going to start? Let's do,
this was a kind of complicated mouthful. So let's,
let's do this. Nice.
Pick your jaw up off your floor.
By the time that you have seen this, a walk in,
whipping off the mask and pulling out my penis,
the doctor sitting there in his armchair saying,
Chris, let's see what you got there.
It's like a little windbreaker,
a hood upon your bell and bring it in yeah,
I know it doesn't smell.
Cause I wash it every day, rolling back the turtle neck
Why? Cause I worry that the doctor's going
to inspect my little hole.
I'm like Doc, please keep it ever so clean.
There's never that cheese clogging up around this side.
And the worry that I got is that I've got
this slight tickle in my chest and cough.
And he says "yo Chris, I know it's kind of odd,
but it's my job. So I give the nasal swab."
He puts it, nasopharyngeal the technical name.
If you don't respect your daughter, it's a shame.
I'm putting all the blame on the alcohol,
the blame on the drink unstabilize your mind,
So it's difficult to think.
You'd be walking round blurry,
cross eyed, can't check it.
You're like, yo dude,
how the fuck I find that exit
Like Sean William Scott in Dude Where's My Car?
it's pretty simple, illuminated in the bar.
The signs right there.
I know it's kind of far, kind of hard. What?
That's like 25 yards.
Still, you should see, but you're like it's not right.
I'm confused.
Why? Because the show is so many lies.
Just ask somebody to bring you and do a job,
or next time you come out, maybe get a service dog,
like a guide for the blind.
Yeah you're instructing them.
Pull them over here, but like an angry Republican,
He doesn't want to budge.
Doesn't want to be bipartisan on any thing with CC.
That's the climate change.
Not the email below to. The whole world's on fire.
What you going to do.
We're just gonna sit here and get angry. Why?
Because Joe Manchin don't understand me.
I know he's not a Republican, but basically in name.
Yeah, a real Democrat, but always gets the blame.
He's in West Virginia.
He needs to plump with the Biden side.
But Mitch McConnell's like, nah,
I'm like Ironside.
I never budge. I never even say,
if you doing Ramadan can't eat for the day.
When the sun rises, you really know you oughta,
not mouth a morsel and not sip the water.
You gotta wait until it goes down below,
cresting on the horizon,
then it's time to blow you be going back there.
Maybe get a nice bit of lamb, having fun. Yeah.
Respect the Ramadan. I never did myself.
Why? Because I'm atheist.
You will like a dance move.
I was like 'sup Chris.
Time to pull out an old joke about the movie Seven.
The last thing we're going to do slightly unpleasant.
If you can't get your eyes aroused and you see all the
ladies gyrating dropping trou' for me,
or even guys, I don't mind if they're male or the ladies,
legalizing strippers,
yo guys are you crazy?
Where are they illegal? Where can't they be?
Maybe you've not visited,
the Netherlands overseas.
You can walk through the red light district.
They'll do more than strip.
They will suck your dick.
Unless you've got a foreskin,
in which case they're slightly put off.
They're like, no Chris,
please you should run away cause we don't like it.
We like it with the top off.
There's a freestyle rap.
Like we knocked the fucking block off.
(crowd cheers)