I’m Brad Browning, and I’ve been YouTube’s leading breakup coach since 2012. In my 13
plus years as a breakup coach, I’ve learned a lot… about breakups, about relationships,
about human psychology… and of course, about getting back together with your ex. In this
video, I want to share with you one of the very first lessons I learned early on: you
should NEVER chase your ex, no matter what. And in this video, I’ll explain what exactly
I mean by that… and why it’s so important if you want your ex back.
If you want to watch my full video tutorial on getting a second chance with your ex, go
to BreakupBrad.com after this video is over and you can watch it for free. Just go to
BreakupBrad.com, select your gender, and watch the full tutorial to learn way more about
how to get your ex back as quickly as possible.
Now, like I said… the idea that you should NEVER chase your ex is something I learned
very early on, and it’s been one of the most consistent lessons I’ve had to teach
my clients ever since. Because if you DO want to give yourself the best possible chance
of starting over with your ex, you simply CANNOT let yourself start chasing them…
it just doesn’t work, even though it’s the natural human reaction to a breakup and
often feels like the right way to get them back.
What do I mean by “chase” your ex? Obviously I’m not talking about literally running
down the street after them, although that would be an extreme example. What I’m referring
to is any action that essentially leads you to actively pursue your ex in an attempt to
change their mind about breaking up or convince them to take you back. This can be as simple
as texting your ex repeatedly when they don’t respond initially, but generally it’s more
abstract… it’s more about your own mindset and approach to dealing with your ex. Chasing
your ex means begging, pleading, spamming them with messages or calls, apologizing over
and over, agreeing to their every demand, allowing them to manipulate or use you, sending
flowers or gifts… these are things that I would define as “chasing” your ex, and
they’re all terrible for your chances of getting them back.
What I DON’T mean, though, is that you should simply stop putting in any effort to win back
your ex. That’s not what I’m saying at all. There are tons of things you can do -- some
of them you can do today, right now -- to improve your chances and make your ex ask
you for another chance. In fact, my best-selling Ex Factor program is literally an entire online
program outlining the countless strategies and techniques you can actively employ to
reverse your breakup and win back your ex for good. If you want to learn them all, pick
up a copy at BreakupBrad.com… but really, for the purposes of this video, suffice to
say that I don’t think you should stop trying to get your ex back or accept the old cliché
that “your ex will come back if it’s meant to be”.
As I mentioned earlier, chasing your ex is what most humans will naturally tend to do
when they’re dumped or when they change their mind about breaking up. When we want
something from someone else in life, we ask for it, or we bargain for it, or we buy it…
we don’t try to play mind games or think about psychology. But when it comes to getting
your ex back, asking for another chance… begging for another chance… trying to buy
or bribe your way into another chance… trying to convince an ex to change their mind…
those are the exact opposite things that actually make your ex WANT to take you back. So, it’s
counter-intuitive, and doesn’t come naturally. Our instinct is usually to chase after our
ex and tighten our grip as we feel them slip further and further away… but, contrary
to your instincts, the right way to go about things is the exact opposite of that, at least
in most cases.
And frankly, emotions play a big role in this: you probably love your ex a lot, you miss
them like crazy, and you want them to know that. You want to tell them how badly you
want to try again and start over, or explain how things will be different. You fear losing
your ex for good, and you worry that’s going to happen unless you act now and convince
them to take you back. But when you act on those emotions and fears, you’re just chasing
your ex and usually making it harder and harder to ever get them back.
See, when you ask or beg your ex to take you back, you immediately “lower your own value”,
so to speak, in the eyes of your ex. All of a sudden, you put your ex in total control
and hand them all the power… you basically make yourself subservient to them. This is
fundamentally unattractive, and 99% of the time it’s going to make your ex MORE confident
that breaking up was the right choice. They’re not usually going to think to themselves,
“wow, this is pathetic, my ex is a loser and I can do better” … but they will subconsciously
perceive you in a less positive, less attractive way. They might still tell you they love you
and miss you even after you do and say things that ‘lower your value’, but they will
see you differently on a subconscious level and that will result in them being less and
less interested in ever taking you back.
More than that, when you chase your ex, this typically ends up with you being willing to
do or say anything that will give you a chance to talk to them or see them in person. You’re
totally vulnerable to being used and manipulated by your ex, and you remove any sense of urgency
or pressure for your ex to change their mind. This is especially true if you decide to ignore
my advice and NOT employ a period of No Contact after the breakup -- when you’re always
there for your ex, you always immediately reply to their texts, agree to whatever time
and place they suggest to meet up, and bend over backwards at any chance to help them
with a favour.
These are nice things to do, but they show your ex that they can have whatever relationship
with you that they want. You’ll be there, ready to reply to their text instantly or
pick up the phone and agree to pick them up from the bar at 2am… and you’ll be there
if, at any point in the future, they want to change their mind about breaking up and
get back together. I know that might SOUND amazing -- “My ex knows I’ll eagerly agree
to get back together any time? Great!” -- but the problem is with the phrase “any time”.
Your ex doesn’t need to change their mind today, tomorrow, or even after they start
dating new people… as long as you’re chasing them, they have no urgency to take you back,
and you’ll always serve as a backup plan for them.
So when you apply the No Contact strategy, for example, you’re not giving your ex what
they want. You’re not giving them an unlimited time frame to test the waters or find someone
new, knowing they can just change their mind about breaking up and you’ll readily agree.
Sure, you WOULD agree if they asked, and that doesn’t need to change -- but they need
to WORRY that you may NOT agree, and feel like the clock is ticking and soon you’ll
move on and find someone new, forcing them to commit permanently to the breakup. No Contact
upends your ex’s expectations, and forces them to feel the full consequences of breaking
up… along with creating uncertainty about what you’re doing and whether you’ll be
willing to take them back. That can often, by itself, change your ex’s mind about breaking
up -- in fact, I see it all the time when my coaching clients use No Contact. Their
ex will often panic after a week or two of silence, and realize that this might be permanent
unless they change their mind soon, and they then buckle under the pressure and fear of
loss.
Again, No Contact is a perfect example of not chasing your ex… and yet still improving
the chances of getting back together. Similarly, that’s why I recommend strategies like what
I call “Covert Jealousy”, which you can learn more about in my past videos or at BreakupBrad.com…
and even stuff as minute as waiting a few hours to respond to your ex’s text messages
can make a big difference and ensure you’re not chasing your ex and letting them take
the driver’s seat.
Sending your ex gifts, flowers, or love notes… these are signs of desperation, and they’re
going to come across to your ex as though you’re chasing after them. And while there
may be 1 in a thousand cases where spilling out your heart in a long love letter to your
ex will actually work and help you win them back, the other 999 times out of a thousand,
it’ll be a turn-off for your ex and shift the balance of power further in their favour.
If you want to do that kind of thing -- gush your heart out to your ex, get down on your
knees and beg them to forgive you, show up at their door with a ring and propose -- do
it knowing that it’s only to satisfy your need to share your feelings or to ensure you
don’t regret not doing so down the road. Because in terms of how effective that kind
of thing is to actually convincing your ex to take you back… well, it’s just not
effective at all, and I’m saying that after 13 years of experience working with clients
in this exact situation.
Maybe you’re left wondering… are there any times where chasing your ex CAN be a good
idea? What if your ex is the type of person who WANTS to be chased, and will get angry
or resentful if you DON’T put in the effort to chase them and ‘play the game’, so
to speak, like they want you to?
Frankly, that kind of situation is more about your ex’s ego and desire to feel wanted
than anything else. Generally speaking, you don’t want to play ball regardless of what
your ex wants, although sometimes you might need to sort of ‘throw them a bone’ every
now and then to keep them from becoming genuinely angry that you’re not initiating contact
enough or trying to keep their attention. But overall, no, there’s almost no situation
where chasing your ex is a good idea if you are hoping to get them back.
And let me share one final reason not to chase your ex, beyond everything I’ve already
talked about: it’s going to hurt your own self-esteem, and it could possibly even cause
people around you to lose respect for you. Strong, confident people -- the kind of people
that are usually BEING chased by the opposite sex, and who succeed in all aspects of life
-- don’t chase after others for long. They have the confidence and self-belief not to
play that game, and the willpower and discipline to use proven effective strategies like No
Contact and everything else I teach in my Ex Factor program. They adopt a mindset of,
“my ex made a mistake breaking up with me, and I hope they realize that before I find
someone new”... they have pride and won’t let themselves be used, manipulated, or strung
along by an ex even if they love them and miss them.
So, by not chasing your ex, you greatly improve your chances of actually getting them back,
and you’re taking the high road and showcasing your confidence and self-worth to everyone
around you… including your ex.
If you want to know whether you have a chance with your ex, or whether you’ve already
been chasing them for too long to have any hope, go to BreakupBrad.com/Quiz and take
5 minutes to complete my free quiz. Not only will you see how likely it is that you’ll
get them back, you’ll also get a list of personalized recommendations on what to do
next. The URL is BreakupBrad.com/Quiz if you want to try it out yourself for free right
now.
And finally, if you want my personal help with your situation, go to BreakupBrad.com/Coaching
and sign up today.
I hope you guys didn’t find this video too abstract or preachy… and I hope you’ll
really take what I’ve said to heart and stop chasing your ex from now on. Good luck…
and thanks for watching!