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- Are you too old for TikTok?
100% and here's how.
If you're asking if you're too old for TikTok,
you're too old for TikTok.
Being too old for TikTok has nothing
to do with physical age.
What matters on TikTok is your digital age.
If you're an 87-year-old who knows Doja Cat
is not a real cat, you're not too old for TikTok.
But if you're a teenager who is over social media,
you're too old for TikTok.
Let's say you're a senior citizen who loves pointing
to text in the air, you're not too old for TikTok.
Unless that text is real text and not a graphic overlay.
Diegetic text is a don't,
traffic signs, cartography maps,
billboards for Jesus.
Non-diegetic is dope.
Captions, that feeling when,
oversimplified politics.
If you're pointing to words you can actually touch,
you're too old for TikTok.
Let's say you're a self-identified cougar
who loves recording duets with hot young boys,
you're not too old for TikTok.
Unless, when recording your duet,
you simply look into the camera
and don't make any dopey exaggerated facial gestures,
raise eyebrows, purse lips, laugh in the corner,
hair flip.
If you don't make your face look like something
you'd see in a brochure for emotions,
then you're too old for TikTok.
Let's say you love to lip sync to popular songs.
You are not too old for TikTok.
Unless those songs are Eminem,
then you're too old for TikTok.
Let's say you're a parent who uses TikTok
to complete family challenges.
You throw cheese on your toddler's forehead,
scar your sons by pretending to cut off your finger,
serve your children chocolate milk laced with chili powder,
you're not too old for TikTok.
Unless you ever question who owns TikTok
and how they make their money,
and you find several lawsuits against TikTok
for transferring vast quantities
of private and personally identified user data
to servers in China, to then be potentially monitored
by the Communist Party.
If you're concerned about this, you're too old for TikTok.
So yes, you're too old for TikTok.
It's just a matter of when and how.
I'm Doctor Expert, Natasha (mumbling),
and I was born when Ask Jeeves died.
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