[upbeat music]
- Introducing the first step towards
a healthier Pork E. Pine's.
It's...the spinach pizza!
Ooh.
Because let's admit it.
The frozen food we serve here
is slowly killing people.
- Yeah, but the kids love it.
- So you want to use company money
to introduce a healthy menu item?
- Yes.
- Approved.
- Yes!
- Employee Idea Day is genius, Lori.
- It was your idea.
- Yeah, I know.
All right, Dinger, what do you got?
- All right, first, we install
an invisible electric fence
around the entire building.
Then we put microchips in the bad kids.
So when they come back for a return visit?
Bam! Electrocuted.
- I love it!
- Whoo! - No.
- No, Dinger, that's a terrible idea.
Get out of here.
All right, who's next?
- I am!
Okay, so I install homemade solar panels,
thereby knocking 40% off of your electric bill.
- No. - Yes!
- Yes.
- That's a good idea.
What is wrong with you?
- Well, I thought you were gonna say no.
Dinger, it's a go.
- Yes!
- Seriously?
[upbeat music]
- [singing] This is America
Land of dreams
Everyone can climb higher
- [singing] Not you though
- [singing] You're stuck here
- [singing] 'Cause you're a part-timer yeah
- [singing] You can do anything
- [singing] As long as it's not hard
- [singing] You can go anywhere
- [singing] As soon as you get a car
- [singing] You're gonna be a huge success
- [singing] Come on that's not who you are
- [singing] You're a part-timer cursed with full-time dreams
And this low-paying job is as bad as it seems
Bad as it seems
What the [bleep] are you doing here
Whoa
What the [bleep] are you doing here
Oh-ho
Seriously, dude. - Like, what the [bleep]?
[hinge squeaks]
[clattering]
- Well, do you like it?
Is it terrible?
I think the sauce might have too much salt.
- No, shut up. It's really good, man.
- Oh, no, I don't do greens.
I prefer the chemical version, but it looks good.
- Why are you so nervous anyway, Mads?
- My high school friend Jennica is gonna come review it today.
She is a big health food flogger.
She single-handedly got a cafeteria
to switch Salisbury steak with Salisbury kale.
It was a big deal.
- Wow. I kind of hate her already.
- Mmm.
[upbeat music]
- Jennica!
- Mads!
Oh, hi!
Oh, it's been so long.
- You look so great.
- You look the same.
So you work here?
It's so...empty.
- Well, we get a lot of kids and parents
in the after-school hours, so...
- I think it's great you work with families.
It really suits you.
- Mm-hmm.
- You know, some people might call this place,
like, dirty, but I think it's just fun.
It's like Reno but for kids.
[both laugh]
- I'm really excited for you to try our healthy pizza.
I'm gonna go get you one.
BRB.
- Oh, Mads.
No one says, "BRB," anymore.
You're welcome, girl.
[groovy music]
- Pete, you ever look at Mother Nature's bounty
and thought, "I could use this to avoid
the watchful eye of the U.S. government"?
- Um, no.
- Well, let me show you the error of your ways, my boy.
Pork E. is going solar.
- Are there instructions?
- It's all in there.
Ah, dang it. Forgot the duct tape.
- I got it.
[grunts]
Dinger, we're locked out.
[dramatic music]
- I knew this day would come.
- Don't worry. I can call Mads.
She'll be up here real quick.
Problem solved.
[phone beeps]
Dinger!
- New plan.
Today, we survive!
- I think I'll just wait until a customer walks by
and then yell down.
- Hey, Periscopers.
Thanks for joining me, Jennica, at Pork E. Pine's.
We're here to try the hot new menu item, spinach pizza.
Ooh! Sorry, guys. [chuckles]
One moment. Hey, girl.
Didn't want to accidentally catch you on my Periscope feed.
You're not really camera ready, you know?
- Well, the pizza is the real star here.
We have a whole wheat crust and low-fat cheese--
- Mads? Um, hi.
Can I talk to you for a quick sec?
- Sorry, Jennica. Just give me a sec.
- Live your life, girl.
- Ow! Oh, my God.
I almost forgot what a b-hole Jennica is.
- I just got an email from the supplier of the new pizza.
All spinach products have been recalled due to E. coli.
- What? - Listen to me!
Under no circumstances can we let
that future "Real Housewife of Bitchtown"
eat any spinach pizza.
[dramatic music]
Don't eat that!
[dramatic music]
Hey, hey! Listen up! Listen up!
The healthy pizza's been contaminated.
I'm gonna call Mario's Pizza and pull a switcheroo.
- I don't feel so hot. - Me either.
- Guys, I'm pretty sure I just sharted.
[both vomit]
- Oh, God. Don't puke.
Don't puke. Don't puke!
[vomits]
- Oh, come on, now! Pull it together.
I need you all out on the floor swapping pizzas.
- Oh, don't say, "pizza"!
[both vomit]
Guys, it's coming out both ends at the same time!
[both vomit]
- Here is the spinach, which looks fresh.
And even though we all know the pitfalls of low-fat cheese,
this doesn't look plastic-y at all.
It could totes pass for real cheese.
Just got a bunch of hearts on that.
Now let's dig in.
- Oh! - What the hell, Mads?
- I just, uh, wanted to show your viewers
this other awesome thing about the pizza, um, here.
See how the spinach is attached to the pizza?
- I got dinner, Pete.
- Ugh!
Dinger, I need water.
It's so hot.
- Don't worry, little friend.
Open wide and I'll spit in your mouth.
[snorts] I got extra.
[snorts] Come on.
- And, um, see where the dough bubbles up?
Those are the...antioxidants trying to get out
to fight the...oxygen.
[whistle and finger snaps]
- Wow. A lot of comments.
"Where's Jennica?"
"Who's that plain girl?"
"Ooh, definitely not camera ready."
I'm sorry about that, fans.
My little buddy got a hold of my feed,
and speaking of feed-- [gasps]
Okay, seriously, what is your problem?
I'm sorry, guys.
My friend here obviously thinks
I shouldn't eat this pizza, but really,
I'm not the one with the love handles.
Or maybe it's the high-waisted khakis.
I can't tell.
- Fine.
Have your pizza.
It's all yours.
- [chuckles]
This...is actually pretty good.
It tastes healthy.
[upbeat music]
[dramatic music]
- Well, Pete, looks like Mother Nature
made you her bitch.
- Please just call down to one of the car wash guys.
- No. Trust me.
You'll be happier to die now as a man
than you will in 80 years from now as a boy.
- Dinger, I'm gonna kill you.
- That's the spirit.
- Mmm. Mmm!
Fans, you just saw me eat every bite
of this hot, new item, and you know how rare that is.
Two tongues up.
Over and out.
Mads, this could really big for you.
[chuckles]
- [laughs]
I bet it'll go viral.
- Mm-hmm.
- You.
- Oh, don't touch me.
[both laugh]
[dramatic music]
- It's okay.
We'll get you off this roof and into Valhalla.
- Don't throw me over the edge.
- You're delirious.
Shut up and relax your muscles.
- There, there. Get it out.
It's probably because you ate the whole pizza.
- [vomits]
[retches]
- Hey!
Nurse Mads!
I'm gonna lower Pete down.
If my rig breaks, can you catch his fall?
- Dinger, stay!
- [vomits]
[coughs and sobs]
- What did you do to him?
- In case I never see you again,
you're all I think about.
- What?
- I'm going to sleep now.
- Hey, uh, how safe is it to drink your own urine?
I drank a lot.
[upbeat music]