I'm gonna give you five ways to make boundaries
with narcissists that actually work, in this video.
So, you're trying to make boundaries with narcissists.
I know; everybody says create boundaries and you're trying to,
you're over there going, but how do I do that?
Because they've been conditioning you from the beginning and
it's so hard, I know, it's so hard.
By the way, I'm Rebecca Zung.
I'm a narcissist negotiation expert and I'm a lawyer,
I have represented thousand of people in negotiations against narcissists,
I've helped them beat people against narcissists,
win against narcissists, get free from narcissists.
If that's what you wanna do too,
make sure you subscribe to this channel,
hit that notification bell.
I've taken people from lives of drama, trauma, and chaos,
to step into lives of freedom.
I've been against narcissists myself in my personal life.
I'm on this mission, I'm on this journey, and
I wanna get you free too.
So subscribe, hit that notification bell.
You're over there, you're going like,
“I don't know how to create boundaries”.
You want boundaries that will actually work.
I wanna help you make boundaries that'll actually work,
I'm gonna give you five ways,
so you're gonna wanna watch all the way till the end.
Once you create those boundaries,
you wanna try to tell them why you're creating boundaries,
You wanna say to them,
“Well, I needed to do this because…” and
“It's your this and that” and
because that's when you leave yourself open,
that's when they start to do that thing that they do,
that spengali thing that they do on you and
you can't go there with them,
you can't leave yourself open, you can't listen to their crap,
because they know how to do
that thing that they do with you.
I'm sorry, but, they've been conditioning you from the beginning,
they know how to read you,
they know how to trigger you,
they know how to get under your skin.
The first thing you have to do is,
once you say these are the boundaries,
we're gonna use one form of communication, that's it.
You don't need to explain yourself,
or whatever your boundary is.
“You're gonna pick the kids up at the curb”,
or “You're gonna speak to me in a certain manner”,
whatever it is that your boundary is,
you don't need to explain yourself, that's it.
This is my new rule. I don't need to tell you why.
That's the new thing. So stop explaining yourself.
Don't make yourself look weak,
by putting yourself out there by saying,
“Sorry I had to do this”.
By making yourself look vulnerable,
then that gives them that opening.
When you make yourself look vulnerable,
it gives them that opportunity to come in and pounce.
So, don't cry in front of them,
don't look weak in front of them,
you can scream in front of your pillow, whatever it is,
but don't lose control, don't get emotional,
don't allow them to trigger you,
seriously, just don't.
No emotion, stick to the boundaries.
So, those are items one and two.
These are just things that you have to do,
in order for them to really start to respect you.
If you really wanna know who a narcissist respects,
I have a whole video on the only person a narcissist respects.
I would definitely check out that video,
if you really wanna know who a narcissist respects.
Getting the narcissist to like, agree with you,
or to stop getting them to like, see your side,
or getting the narcissist to see why you're doing what you're doing,
acknowledge you and say,
“Don't you see why this is gonna work for us?”
“Don't you see why this is better?”
“Don't you see this is gonna be better all around for everybody?”
“This is gonna be best for both of us”.
If you're trying to get them to see reason,
you're not understanding that they just don't think
the same way that reasonable people think.
The brains just don't operate the same way;
the faster you can get yourself to understand that,
the faster that you'll be able to heal,
the faster that you'll be able to protect yourself,
the faster that you'll be able to move on,
the faster you'll be able to get to be on the offensive,
there are so many things that'll work better for you
once you understand that.
Just don't expect attunement,
don't expect them to agree with you.
So, stop looking for agreement and acknowledgment.
If you want a boundary that's going to work,
just stop looking for that; because it's not gonna happen,
you're never going to get them to see your side.
Because that's your cue for yourself to understand that
you're gonna stop explaining yourself,
you're gonna stop looking vulnerable,
you're gonna stop looking to get them to see your side,
all of those things right now.
They're not gonna suddenly get to be better people,
they're not gonna suddenly future fake you into,
“Oh, I've changed, I’m better, It's gonna be different now”,
It is not.
You probably have heard it a million times,
they're not going to change, alright?
So if you wanna have a boundary that's gonna work,
understand that they can't come back and say,
“Oh, let me cross the boundary,
because this time it's gonna be different”.
IT IS NOT!
Stop excusing them because they had a bad childhood.
It's not that bad all the time.
These are what I call, like, red flags that you look past,
that you should, like, look for in yourself,
because you kind of defend them for them,
then you make it easier for them in that sense,
because you're excusing them.
So, if you wanna have boundaries that work,
stop excusing them.
So, those are the five things that you can do
if you wanna have boundaries that work.
Stop explaining yourself,
stop making yourself look vulnerable and
being emotional in front of them,
stop looking for attunement or agreement,
stop excusing them, stop expecting them to change,
stop excusing them.
If you are getting ready to negotiate with a narcissist,
make sure to grab my free “Crush my negotiation” prep worksheet,
at winmynegotiation.com.
Make sure you have subscribed to this channel and
hit that notification bell.
Remember that they only win if you give in,
if you're looking for more support,
I do have a free private Facebook group,
“Narcissist Negotiators with Rebecca Zung”,
which you can definitely join as well.
Remember today is a great day to start negotiating your best life,
It is never too late.
I've helped millions of people through this channel,
thousands of people in my S.L.A.Y programs and
through all of my resources, so you can be helped too.
So, I will see all of you guys in the next video.
Thanks for joining me in this one.