Do you want to know how to build a strong foundation for your relationship?
Well, you're in the right place. I'm Nicholeen Peck. I'm a relationship
expert and that's what we're talking about today.
The biggest key in a relationship is honesty. In this video, you're going to hear me mention
honesty multiple times. In fact, it could be fun just to see how many times I do mention the word
honesty. You can't have a good relationship without honesty. And I'm talking about husband
and wife relationship any love relationship. Relationships with your children, relationships
with friends or colleagues. If you don't have honesty, there is a detachment that occurs.
I'm going to share with you a story about my daughter's life and then 4 steps for how to create
that honest foundation for your relationship. One of my children recently got married.
And when she was preparing for marriage, she and her husband sat down and had a talk with me.
In fact, in this talk, they planned for all kinds of things. They said, "These are our expectations
for our married life. How do we want to solve our problems, how do we want to handle our money,
how do we want to nurture our relationship." They talked about everything under the sun. They asked
me, "Is there anything that we're forgetting?" This first conversation with me initiated
multiple conversations that went on for a long time before the wedding day. And they were so
prepared for their wedding and for their future lives together because they took this time to
honestly analyze together what they wanted and how they were going to solve their future problems.
If a person is going to have relationship success, they need a plan ahead. Step number 1 for creating
a good foundation for your relationship whether it's with a child or with a spouse
is to dream. Look ahead. Make a dream of what you want that relationship to be like if it's ideal,
if it turns out to be the perfect picture in your mind,
what does it feel like? What does it look like? What does the bond feel like? Describe that,
write it down. And then you're going to share that dream with the person that you want to have that
relationship with. Step number 2 is have an honest deliberate conversation about your dream. In fact,
I would suggest that that other person take a little bit of time and work on their dream too
and then come back together and talk about your hopes and dreams for your relationship. This
deliberate action makes it easy to analyze what's going wrong because you already have a positive
vision for the future. In my book Parenting House United, I talk about creating a 20-year vision for
the future of your family. This gives the family a reason why they should care about conquering their
behavioral problems and learning self-government which is what I'm known for teaching in the first
place. It works for every relationship. You take the time to create the vision, you get
unified about the vision and then everything else more easily falls into place. Number 3,
have a communication plan. So, what does this mean? This means that you decide, "Okay, are we
going to disagree appropriately with each other when we have a problem? How are we going to solve
our problems?" Just like my daughter and her husband decided to do before they got married. But
go even to the next level. When you see me about to make a mistake, can you communicate with me?
Can you help me out and nurture me and mentor me along? If so, maybe you can arrange some sort of
a signal. I know with my husband, he had a harder time being calm at first with the children when
we decided to be calm. And I would kind of sit in the background and give him a little like...
A little cut. You know, like, "Be done right now because you're not ready." And he knew that that
was my loving way to say "How about you take a minute and get calm?" And that's what he did. We
gave each other signals and cues so that we could succeed better in everything that we were doing.
Step number 4, have regular check-ups. This means meetings. Have some meetings that you have with
each other on a regular basis at least weekly. So, in our family, we have multiple meetings. We have
couples meetings for me and my husband to discuss. And then we have family meetings for the entire
group to discuss as a family. And then we have individual one-on-one mentor meetings with the
children where we help them with their goals and their plans and the things that they're struggling
with. All of these meetings are check-up times. And they're new goal setting and new planning
times. These are times where you can talk openly about your relationship and make plans for how to
improve that relationship together. So, if you make it a priority to discuss your relationship
in the first place, of course you would make it a priority to continue to discuss your relationship
throughout the duration of time that you have together. These honest checkup meetings are
part of a bigger picture called Teaching Self-Government. This parenting program is
meant to strengthen relationships and bring unity to your entire family. If you've liked this video,
I'm pretty sure you'll love my next video which teaches even more self-government skills called
How Do You Control a Child With Behavior Problems? Click on the link. I know you'll enjoy it.