- [Male] Chantel, do you identify as a petty person?
- That's a loaded question.
- I don't know how I'm expected to answer this question.
Do you think that I am petty?
- Yes!
(swanky jazz music)
- I am here with my delightful friend, Ms. Kate Peterman.
- Thank you.
- And today, we are going to take a test
to find out what percent petty we are.
Who's gonna win?
- You will.
(both laughing)
I think that there are some people who are
unjustified in their pettiness.
I think a lot of your petty is justified
and I think that's why you don't
identify outright as a petty person.
- That is so spot on, I couldn't have said it better myself.
- I, however, think I'm an angel
and my results are probably going to be shocking.
(both laughing)
So let the games begin.
- First question: "Do you subtweet?"
- "No. I don't put my personal drama on social media."
"No, I make sure to tag anyone I'm talking about."
"I may have sent a subtweet or two in my lifetime."
"I love subtweeting and making everyone
paranoid that I'm talking about them."
"Of course not, unlike some people
I'm not going to mention."
- I have sent a subtweet or two in my life.
- I mean, yeah.
In college and stuff I subtweeted constantly,
but I subtweeted for attention in a way
less to be spiteful, it was usually like,
"This boy, who I'll never say his name."
And then no one was reading it, so nothing ever came to it.
I'm like, "I'm putting out all the signals."
- I honestly think I identify more with the last answer.
"Of course not, unlike some people
I'm not going to mention." Because that's,
unfortunately where my brain went.
- "I've sent a subtweet or two in my lifetime."
"Do you screenshot conversations so you can use
them as supporting evidence in future arguments?"
- I definitely don't do that.
I screenshot them for different reasons.
- I mean, I'll show them if I have to.
This happens a lot with one of my friends,
who will I not mention. (laughs)
If we're in a fight or something
and she'll say something that's a lie,
and I'm like... No,
this is what you just said. Don't lie to me.
- It's like, if you know that friendship
and you know that that works for it.
- Or in general, if I catch anyone lying
and then I'm getting screwed at any point,
you're seeing it.
- Noted.
Nervous laugh.
- I think it's better to be upfront.
I'm gonna say the first one.
- I'm gonna select, "No, that's absolutely ridiculous."
But I'll say it with a petty voice anyways.
"How often do you use the phrase,
'I just think it's funny how...'?"
- Some of the answers are: "I'll admit it,
I've said it a few times."
"I've said it, but in reference to something
I genuinely thought was funny."
"Why would I say that if I don't mean it?
I just say what I mean."
"I just think it's funny how you're
obviously judging me right now."
- I think the third answer, "Why would
I say that if I don't mean it?
I just say what I mean." I think that--
- I think I've said it to something that
I genuinely thought was funny.
- I see that for you.
- Yeah.
"How long can you hold a grudge for?"
"Life's too short to be angry, forgive and forget."
"I don't hold grudges, but there are some people I've
blocked from my life for legitimate reasons."
"I might sulk for awhile, but then I get over it."
"I'm currently embroiled in multiple feuds
that have lasted more than a month."
"A girl stole my favorite marker in kindergarten
and I'm still plotting my revenge."
- Honestly, I think I identify with the second one.
"I don't hold grudges, but there are some people I've
blocked from my life for legitimate reasons."
Because look, no one has time
to have unhappy people in their life.
- Mine is, "I might sulk for awhile
but then I get over it." I think.
Then again, I also identify with I still
hold grudges with people who have wronged me.
If I see some people that I went to
elementary school with, they haven't grown to me.
"When would you reply to a text with just 'K'?"
- I never reply with just "K."
You know, the only person in my life that ever
does do that is my mom, but she doesn't know
that it's a rude texting thing.
- Yeah.
- She's just like, "Oh yeah, minimal letters.
It's easy for me. I'm so busy."
- I don't think I do it anymore.
If I'm in a hurry even, my phone knows "mkay".
- Yeah.
- So I do that. - I say "mkay" too.
- 'Cause that's nicer.
- Yeah.
- And okay is kinda curt to me.
- Yeah, I'll just be like, "Sounds good."
- Yeah. Or a thumbs up, I do a thumbs up a lot.
So, I'm gonna go ahead and say "Never."
- "Never."
- "When is an argument over?"
- "When we've both said our piece
and come to a rational and calm resolution."
"When I've said everything I want to say,
even if I think of something days or weeks later."
"When I win."
- We've both said our piece and come to
a rational and calm resolution."
- Yeah, that's--
That's when an argument's over.
I'm losing my will to fight, so I just forgive.
It's not 'cause I'm getting to be a
better person, I'm just tired. - You're just more tired now.
"Do you ever double text?"
- It depends on who it's to.
- Oh. If it's like, a love interest?
- Yeah. If it's a love interest
and I'm drunk, you better believe that
screen's gonna be all texts from me, buddy.
But like do you understand... Wait,
I didn't mean it like... Hold on, are you coming here?
It's like, you never asked me to come here, please do not--
- Do you want me to get you a drink?
- I'll buy you a drink, I can't believe you're not here.
How am I gonna get home? Should I get a taco?
- I double text, I triple text, I quadruple text.
- I don't care.
- "How long does it take you to write a reply
to someone you have drama with?"
- Well, it depends.
'Cause it's like, where is the drama?
Is the drama top of mind, where I'm like,
Let me just get this all out right now.
Or is it like (Chantel seethes) a slow burning
where you're like, I need to craft this response.
- Yeah, I think the one that speaks
to me the most is: "It takes several rewrites
so I can curb my urge to destroy."
- Yes.
- That is me baby. - Yes.
- "Have you ever pretended to have deleted
someone from your phone when you really didn't?"
- Yes.
- Wait, really?
- Yeah. (giggles)
- Kate, you are way more petty than I am.
- It's pettier. (laughs)
- Who'd you delete?
- People who have rejected me,
and then I still kind of have their number.
- What do you mean "kind of"?
- Like I don't delete it.
(both laughing)
- I'm gonna say, "What? No."
- "How long does it take you to
notice if someone has blocked you?"
- Oh, I don't notice.
- I don't, yeah. I'll likely never notice.
- There was this one guy that I unfollowed,
and then he angrily texted me minutes later
and was like, "Why did you unfollow me?"
And I was like, "How did you even see that?"
- That's insane.
I did happen to notice
that someone did unfollow me, so I unfollowed them.
- Oh, Kate! (laughs loudly)
- Jury's still out, but so far it seems like
you're winning the petty game.
(Kate gasps) It does.
- I am offended.
- That is the pettiest face I've ever seen.
- "Do you like to take the high road?"
- "Yes. It's not immediately satisfying
but it's worth it in the long run."
"I don't like to do it, but I know
it's probably the best way to go."
"Why take the high road when the low road
is so much more fun?"
When they go low, we go high.
- So, you always take it? Immediately
satisfying... - No.
- I don't like to, but I know it's probably
the best way to go. - Yeah, same.
- So, that's mine.
"Have you ever innocently posted a photo on social media,
fully knowing it was going to make someone angry?"
- Have I ever posted something to make someone angry? No.
Have I ever posted someone knowing that
a certain someone else was gonna see it
and just have thoughts or feelings?
- Yes.
- So, I think I've done it once or twice,
but they really deserved it.
- I mean, maybe it was kind of like,
I'm just gonna post this and they're
gonna know where I'm at.
They're gonna know where I am.
- And you could feel what you feel.
All I'm posting is the truth, is exactly where I'm at.
- Our final question. (drum rolls)
"Do you know her?" I don't know her.
- I know her.
- I don't know her, and I love saying
[Both] I don't know her.
(dramatic music) - Wait!
- I got that I'm 31 % petty.
- And your girl got that she is 28 % petty.
- How did that happen? - I'm three percent
less petty than you, it's okay,
it's just a quiz. - Shut up!
- But we still got the same thing.
- We got the same little avatar.
- "The high road is your main route of transportation.
You don't talk smack on social media,
you don't block people who have wronged you,
and for the most part, you don't
use read receipts as a weapon.
Gosh, it must be so tiring to balance
that halo on top of your head all day.
Sorry was that petty of me?"
I can't believe it, I tried to be honest
and I'm just a freaking angel.
- That is exactly why I was saying
that you are more petty. (laughs loudly)
- Hey man, the quiz doesn't lie.
- I regret this day.
- Here's the funny thing is that Chantel really thought
she was about to be like, "You're only 14 % petty."
- I really did.
- Chantel was like, it's okay, she was ready
to be like, "It's okay, KP. It's okay."
(celebratory laughing)
- We learned that we're actually
pretty equally matched petty I think.
Petty in some different ways, petty in some
exact same ways, but I think at everyone's heart
there's a little piece of petty in there.
Sometimes it grows, sometimes it shrinks, and that's okay.
You're entitled to your petty.
- Piggybacking off what you just said,
I don't know if it ever grows and shrinks,
I think sometimes people lie and sometimes people don't.
(laughs antagonistically)
- We are not equally petty!
(shouting and banging fists) You are more petty!
(mock sinister cackling)
- Tell us in the comments how petty you are.
(both laughing)
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(comical echoing and mimicking)
(lively big band music)