Are you dealing with a narcissist and you want to know exactly what they hate, what
they cannot stand? By the end of this video, you're going to know what they can't stand,
so that if you want to turn the tables on them, that you're going to be able to do exactly
that. Hi, I'm Rebecca Zung, top 1% attorney and the bestselling author of the books Negotiate
Like You Matter and Breaking Free, A Step-by-step Divorce Guide. I've helped thousands of people
go from lives of drama, trauma, and chaos, and I do the same thing for you right here
in these videos. So, make sure you subscribe and you hit that notification bell. That way
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So, let's talk about what that narcissist hates. I mean, there's a lot that we can't
stand about them, right? I mean, their behavior toward people is just so heinous and awful.
It's really hard to believe that they can do a lot of the things that they do. I mean,
you find yourself wondering how do they even sleep at night? And if you want to know how
they sleep at night, check out my video on How Does A Narcissist Sleep At Night and you'll
find out more about that. When you're dealing with a narcissist, you
want to know what they can't stand. So, let's talk about what was going on with a narcissist,
so that you can understand what it is that they hate. Narcissists were traumatized at
some point in their childhoods and yes, they became wounded, but no, you can't save them.
Please don't try. They cannot be rehabilitated and nothing you can do, say, be or whatever
will ever fix them. They're beyond repair. Yes, it's sad. Yes, that child was wounded.
That child is gone. They are now adults. They are now adults who should be taking responsibility
for their behavior, they don't. They are pathological liars. And if you want to know more about
how a narcissist behaves when they get caught in a lie, check out my video on What Happens
When You Catch A Narcissist In A Lie. They just can't deal with the real world the
same way we do. They don't see the world the way we do. The problem that we have as either
empathic people or even just normal, reasonable people, is that we constantly are trying to
think about the why of what they're doing and why are they behaving that way? Or what
can we do to get them to change or behave differently? And the thing that was the biggest
[a hah 00:03:07] moment for me is understanding that there's nothing that you can do that
you're ever going to understand the behavior. There's nothing that you can learn, other
than learning from videos like this, that will just tell you that they're really actually
one of the easiest personalities to understand. They're very simple. The only thing that they
care about, and the only thing that drives them, is something called narcissistic supply.
And in my narcissism 101 series I actually talk about all the basic terminology of narcissism.
And I do have a video specifically on narcissistic supply. So, you're going to want to check
that out. But they're just constantly needing that narcissistic
supply, everything they do is wrapped up in that. And narcissistic supply is anything
that feeds a narcissist's ego. It can be normal things that feeds everybody's ego, like somebody
telling them that they look good or that they're really smart, or that they did a great job
on something. I mean, obviously all people want to feel seen and heard and know that
we matter. So, it's kind of like on a continuum where all humans feel that way, but most humans
also have the capacity to be humble, take responsibility for themselves and their mistakes,
have compassion and feelings of empathy and love and care for other people. They don't
have that ability. So, they are just all the way to the pathological end of the spectrum,
where clinically they just cannot have any feelings of care, love, compassion, or empathy
for other people. So, what they hate is going to be all wrapped
up in what's interrupting their supply source. The number one thing that they hate is boundaries.
They hate boundaries because they feel entitled. They feel that you belong to them, anything
that you have belongs to them. That you should never put up boundaries against them, and
so they absolutely hate when you do that. But it is absolutely necessary that you are
doing that. So, if you are doing that and if you're ready to do that, or you want to
do that, give me boundaries in the comments right now. I want to hear about your boundaries.
I want to hear about how you're doing it. I want to hear about how you're going to do
it. If you're having trouble putting up boundaries, I want to hear about that in the comments,
as well. But anyway, that's the number one thing that they hate. In no particular order,
by the way, I'm just kind of going through some of these things. But one of the things
that they hate is boundaries. The second thing that they hate is not being
in control. They spend an inordinate amount of their time trying to be in control. A lot
of the things that they do, including even saying I love you, is to try to get control
over you. And if you want to know more about what a narcissist really means when they say
I love you, check out my video on What Does A Narcissist Mean When They Say I Love You.
But they really want to be in control at all times and when they start to lose control,
that's when you start to see them... When you start to see them losing their grip, they
can start acting very crazily. That narcissistic rage can come flying out. That narcissistic
injury gets triggered. And that's when you see the Mr Hyde's side of the Dr Jekyll personality
come flying out, and it's usually not pretty. I teach negotiation skills and I teach specifically
on how to negotiate with a narcissist and how to create strategy and leverage around
dealing with that narcissist. And one of the ways that you are creating that leverage is
looking at their forms of supply and how you can interrupt those forms of supply. And so
when they start to lose control, I teach people to just be ready for them to start going a
little bit nutso, because they're always the worst, by the way, right before they're ready
to give up. And the not so secret, secret is that you're actually the stronger one.
You're actually the one who is more normal and who's in control and who is stronger.
And they know that by the way, they just don't want you to know that. So, number two is they
absolutely hate to lose control. Number three is being exposed. They don't
want people to see who they really are. They don't want people to know that maybe they're
not as smart as they think they are. Maybe they don't want to get caught in lies. They
don't want people to see that they've made mistakes. I actually had a narcissistic employee
one time, who every time she wasn't showing up for work or she wasn't doing her work that
she was supposed to, it was always someone else's fault and some other reason she could
never take responsibility because narcissists hate to be exposed. They do not want that
to happen. So, that's number three. Number four is imperfections, or you pointing
out any imperfections on them. They want the world to believe that they are absolutely
perfect in every way. So, looks, smarts, their work product, how they are at home, how they
are as a husband, wife, mother, father, sister, brother, friend, whatever. They have to be
perfect in every single way. And if you just even the slightest slight will cause them
to go crazy. By the way, narcissists hear slights and tones in your voice like dogs
hear whistles. They just go crazy, even if there's nothing there. Even if you didn't
mean anything, there they are getting upset. So, they don't want you to point out any imperfections
on their part. And the last thing that they hate, I kind
of alluded to a little bit earlier, but that is themselves. They have a deep, deep sense
of self hatred. Sometimes it's so subconscious that even they don't realize that it's there,
or maybe they do, but they just don't want the world to see it. And they certainly don't
want you to see it, they don't want anybody to see it. But deep down inside, they really
do hate themselves. And no, you can't fix it. No, they can't get better. And yes, it
happened in childhood and yes, they were wounded as children, but you can't fix it now. They
are all grown up and they can't get better, unfortunately. The best thing you can do is
start to, as we said in number one, create those boundaries and go no contact.
So, if you are getting ready to negotiate with a narcissist or anybody, as I said, I
teach negotiation skills. And the first place that you can start with some of my free resources
is right there at using my free Crush My Negotiation prep worksheet, just go to winmynegotiation.com
and download it. It'll be all yours, totally free. It's basically an E workbook, so there's
absolutely no reason why you shouldn't go get it. Do not try to negotiate with the narcissist
yourself, without any of my resources. You will get eaten alive. They do have an agenda,
it is to take you down and they want to get to you before you get to them. So, go ahead
and grab that free worksheet right now. And if you liked this video, give me a like,
give it a share, drop me a comment. Remember, you're supposed to tell me about how you're
doing those boundaries or just give me the word boundaries if you just want to have them.
If you haven't subscribed, what are you waiting for? Subscribe, hit that notification bell,
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if you just want to be able to vent, talk to people, ask people questions in a private,
safe setting. Join me in my free private Facebook group. It's called Narcissist Negotiators
with Rebecca Zung. I'll drop links to all of it and more below. I'm so glad that you
stopped by today. Today's a great day to start negotiating your best life. I'll see you in
the next video.