(rapid gunfire) YEAAAH! DIE! DIE! DIE!
(Ian) SHUT UP!
To curb gun violence, a new law has passed,
banning guns in entertainment.
Let's take a look at how the entertainment industry
is handling this news.
FFFFF*****!
(gruff voice) Every movie we've ever made has a gun in it!
Alright, we need to come up with a replacement idea, fast!
And I've locked all the doors and windows in here,
so nobody's leaving until we come up with an idea!
Um...
Yes?!
(lisping) What if instead of guns, people gave each other titty twisters?
TITTY TWISTERS ARE NOT A REAL WEAPON!
They emotionally scarred me in high school.
Alright, guys.
We need to come up with a replacement idea fast,
or we're all royally fffffffffired!
YOU!
What do you got?
We--uh...what about...
GENERIC COWBOY MOVIE
- [WITHOUT GUNS] - (bullet fired)
(Old West shootout music)
Draw!
(groaning)
(battle cry)
(spurs rattle)
(both groan)
Yeah, just keep rubbing it back n' forth.
That idea is almost as good as Robin Thick's newest album.
Is that good?
F*CK NO!
Alright! You better have a good idea for me,
or else I'm gonna kick you into a pit like that Roman guy from 300.
You know that was actually a Spartan?
You're fired!
Go.
Don't take your things. They're mine now.
Alright, grandpa! What do you got for me?
What about if we use...
THE WALKING DEAD
- [WITHOUT GUNS] - (bullet fired)
Carl!
We can't let these walkers get past us, Caaaaaarl.
I've got this, dad.
(screaming)
(screams of panic)
Caaaaarl!
- (Carl) Dad, help me! - I don't think it's working, Carl.
NO!
Zombies are just a stupid fad, just like Twilight...
or women's rights.
Guys, I think I've cracked it! How about...
Stupid Alien Invasion Movie
- [without guns] - (bullet fired)
- No, no! - Whoa! Oh.
Oh! Oh!
(grunting)
(nasally voice) Oh god, the water's killing me!
I totally didn't see this twist coming!
F*ck yeah!
F*ck you, alien!
Goddamn it! Who let M. Night Shyamalan
in here again?
I'll show you guys!
At the end of my next movie, a super-human kid is running
from killer trees because he sees dead people.
You're just combining the plots from all your old movies.
Nah-uh!
Well, that's it, guys.
Like a busful of kids from Neverland Ranch,
WE'RE ALL F*CKED!
(under table) Oh, I think I got an idea.
Argh!
Ugh.
Jesus!
Have you been down here this whole time?
Yeah, you locked all the doors and the windows
and I tried digging a hole through the ground, but this ground's really--
Okay, get to the point.
RANDOM BANK ROBBERY MOVIE
- [WITHOUT GUNS] - (bullet fired)
(gruff voice) This is a robbery!
(intense music)
Take anything you want! Just don't get me sticky!
(coyly) Like a kid at Neverland Ranch?
Oh, is Carlos Mencia up in this room, 'cause I'm pretty sure
some asshole just stole my joke!
Please, don't get me sticky, like a...piece of...
scotch tape?
THAT'S IT!
We're all gonna lose our jobs because NONE of you guys
have any good ideas!
See? The glorification of gun violence has driven you to shoot us!
No, actually, my desire for you to SHUT THE F*CK UP
has driven me to shoot you guys.
Just then, M. Night realized that his boss is actually an alien,
and his one weakness was titty twisting!
(groaning)
(gasp)
And in another stunning twist... M. Night was shot.
Uh, yeah. It's not a twist if it just happened to you, okay?
- And in another stunning twist-- - Oh my god.
- And in another twist, you die! - (M. Night collapses)
Oh...
Oh man...
Those titty twisters ARE really emotionally scarring.
(sucks air through teeth) I know, right?
(Ian) Hey, guys. If you want to see us use guns to shoot things
like zombies and people, click the video on the right.
It's one of the best zombie games out right now.
And it's awesome!
- Yes! Yes! - No! No! Load! Load!
(panicked screaming)
- I don't know why I got so weird about that. - Come here!
(Ian) And if you wanna watch some deleted clips from this video
and see us re-enact a scene from Brokeback Mountain,
click the video on the left.
- High-spur it. - All right!
- (spurs rattle) - Ding!
(Ian) And if you haven't subscribed to our channel yet,
shoot that subscribe button!
(bullet is shot and ricochets)
Or just, you know, click the subscribe button with your mouse.
That might work better.