-Enjoy yourself. Welcome, everybody.
Welcome, welcome. Welcome to "The Tonight Show."
You're here. You made it. [ Cheers and applause ]
Thank you for watching.
Let's get to some news here.
Well, guys, today, President Biden
kicked off a three-week travel blitz
to highlight his economic agenda called
the Investing in America Tour.
Yep. You know all the excitement for the Taylor Swift tour?
This isn't that. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, when they heard, Ticketmaster was like,
"We got plenty of seats for this one."
Meanwhile, a new poll found that nearly half of Democrats
don't want Biden to run again in 2024.
Yeah. Half do and half don't.
So I'm guessing they just polled Joe Biden and Kamala Harris.
"I do." "I don't."
But Biden's on tour to promote his agenda,
and at the same time, Trump's on tour campaigning.
Yeah, they're both on the move,
but their tours are actually very different.
I'll show you what I mean.
For instance, on Biden's tour,
he's preparing to start his re-election campaign.
On Trump's tour, he's preparing to start
smuggling McRibs into prison.
[ Cheers and applause ] -Wow!
-You can't...
"Throw it over the wall"! -"No, throw it!"
-Next up on Biden's tour, when he goes off script,
his staff thinks, "OMG."
On Trump's tour, when he goes off script,
his lawyers think, "FML."
"Uh..."
Next up, Trump wanders off into topics
he shouldn't discuss, while Biden just wanders off.
[ Laughter ]
Alright, here's another.
Biden shows up onstage wearing aviators
like he's in "Top Gun,"
while Trump shows up onstage like he's "Cocaine Bear."
Next up, Trump travels with the MyPillow guy,
while Biden travels with his pill caddy.
Oh.
And, finally, Biden thinks his future is bright,
while Trump knows his future is stormy.
[ Cheers and applause ] There you go.
Speaking -- Speaking of Trump, last night,
for the first time in six months,
he appeared on Fox News for an interview with Sean Hannity.
Yeah, apparently, Trump was there
to promote his next indictment.
[ As Trump ] It's going to be huge.
I don't know when it's going to happen,
but maybe -- maybe the next week.
I don't know.
You're going to find out after the break.
[ Normal voice ] Some business news.
Amazon has a new feature that will alert customers
about products that are frequently returned.
Just to be clear, frequently returned
doesn't mean that they're bad products.
It just means that they're bought by people
who are frequently drunk.
Did you ask you guys hear about the big Kia recall?
It's not good. Check this out.
-The recall alert involving half-a-million Hyundai
and Kia vehicles.
The company is recalling more than 500,000 vehicles
in the U.S. and urging owners to park them
outside because of a fire risk.
-Oh, man! I just bought a Kia.
-Oh, sorry about that, Tariq.
-It's okay. Thankfully, I still have my trusty Tesla.
-[ Breathes deeply ] Oh.
-"Oh" what? -Roll the clip.
-Well, new tonight, a recall alert for Tesla drivers.
The electric-car company is recalling
more than 3,000 vehicles over loose-bolt concerns.
-Loose bolts?!
-Yeah, I'm sorry about that, Tariq.
-Man, I'm so tired of all these recalls.
Man, they give me a headache.
They're the reason I have a prescription
migraine medication.
-A recall alert.
Pfizer is recalling more than 4 million packages
of a prescription migraine medication.
-Oh, come on!
-I'm very sorry, Tariq. I really am.
-At this point, I'm scared to even leave my house.
I'm just going to stay home and hide under my
Sunbeam queen-side seated -- -sized heated blanket.
-A brand of heated blankets sold on Amazon
under recall tonight.
Sunbeam queen-side seated -- -sized heated blankets
are being recalled.
-You've got to be kidding me! [ Cheers and applause ]
-This is terrible luck. This is terrible luck.
-What do I even have left at this point?
The dog food in my pantry?
-I-I didn't even know that you were a dog owner.
What kind of food do you buy it?
-Thanks for asking.
Well, we usually buy Purina Plo --
Pro Plan Veterinary Diets food.
-An important recall alert for dog owners this morning.
The recall specifically covers Purina's Plo --
Pro Plan Veterinary Diets food.
-That's it. I give up.
-No, there's got to be something that we can do
to get your mind off all this stuff.
-Like what? -Well, you know what?
Why don't you come to my place and hang out?
I have a new YETI cooler.
I mean, we all have a YETI, and I doubt they're
recooling -- recalling.
-[ Chuckles ] Recooling.
-They're not going to recall some of the recoolers.
-And YETI. We all have a YETI.
They're recooling -- recalling.
-"Recooling."
-They're going to recall some of their recoolers.
-Well, we tried. Tariq Trotter, everybody.
You'll have a better...
[ Cheers and applause ] ♪♪
Best in the biz.
Switching gears, I read that researchers
developed new smart leggings that tell you when
it's time to take a break from working out.
[ Laughter ]
While your regular jeans tell you when it's time
to get back to the gym.
Smart leggings.
You know it's weird when you're talking to your trainer like,
"I think someone just hacked my pants."
Well, get this.
After a viral TikTok caused confusion,
Fruit Roll-Ups is urging people not to eat the plastic wrap.
It's nuts.
That's like if Popsicles had to remind people
not to eat the stick.
It's like, "Yeah."
And, finally, a new study says
Botox injections can alter your brain chemistry
and impact how you interpret other people's emotions.
It's weird.
Usually when you get Botox,
people can't interpret your emotions.
We have a great show.