(Literal Pokedex theme)
(pokedex beeping) - [Pokedex] Kyogre.
Kyogre has the power to create massive rain clouds
that cover the entire sky
and bring about torrential downpours.
This Pokemon saved people who were suffering from droughts.
(thunder rumbling)
- [Guy On Right] Okay, thank you big whale god guy.
- Yeah, very happy there's no drought anymore.
A lot of water though.
Lot of water and that's new.
- [Guy On Right] Maybe a little too much.
- This was a desert half an hour ago.
(pokedex beeping) - [Pokedex] Groudon.
Groudon has the power to scatter rain clouds
and make water evaporate with light and heat.
It came as a savior to people who had been suffering
from terrible floods.
(water burbling)
(splashing) (roaring)
(thumping)
- [Guy On Right] Oh, good, some kind of lava Godzilla
just punched the whale god.
- [Guy On Left] The flooding is gone,
but now it looks like we're back to droughts.
- [Guy On Right] Maybe our weather existing only
in wild extremes determined by two legendary gods
sucks.
(pokedex beeping) - [Pokedex] Rayquaza.
A Pokemon that flies endlessly in the ozone layer.
It is said it would descend to the ground
if Kyogre and Groudon were to fight.
(smacking)
- Hey, hey, chill out.
Break it up.
- Groudon and Kyogre are kaiju born
of the elemental forces of nature.
How can any being, even one as powerful as Rayquaza,
hope to stop them?
(squeaking)
- [Brendan] Sup, nerds?
I'm Brendan; my mom has no clue where I am right now.
I have four ultra balls.
(pokeballs zapping) Heck yeah.
- Okay, so we're all good
with some rando kid personally controlling
the elemental beasts of land and water?
He could take over the world if he wanted to.
- [Brendan] I'm gonna name the whale one "Moby Dick."
(laughs)
Get it?
- [Guy On Right] Herman Melville's tragic story
that explored themes of obsession and man versus nature?
- [Brendan] Uh, no, the whale penis book.
- Yeah, I think we'll probably be fine.
(digital beeping)
(Literal Pokedex theme)
(pokedex beeping) - [Pokedex] Gothita.
Though they're still only babies,
there's psychic power stored in their ribbonlike feelers,
and sometimes they use that power to fight.
- [Trainer] Hitmonchan, use Mega Punch.
- [Hitmonchan] Can we talk about this one?
I kind of just don't want to Mega Punch a baby.
I know, it's a goth baby, but I mean, come on.
That's a straight up baby.
- [Trainer] Did I stutter
or did I tell you to Mega Punch that fucking baby?
- This is a Nintendo game, right?
Nintendo approved this?
Nintendo approved me Mega Punching a baby?
You know what?
I'm not buying it.
Get Shigeru Miyamoto on the phone.
I want to hear this straight from him.
(pokedex beeping) - [Pokedex] Gothorita.
According to many old tales, it creates friends for itself
by controlling sleeping children on starry nights.
- Come, new friends.
We have many games to play beneath the stars.
- Okay, this goth teenager is kidnapping
and brainwashing children and Shigeru-freaking-Miyamoto
is fine with it?
He is the guy who tried to get Rare
to make all the bad guys hug James Bond
at the end of "GoldenEye" '64.
I'm serious, look it up.
He thought the game was too violent
and that everybody should just hug at the end kumbaya-style,
like they were all participating
in a team-building exercise.
But this he's fine with?
(pokedex beeping) - [Pokedex] Gothitelle.
They can predict the future from the placement
and movement of the stars.
They can see Trainers' life spans.
- [Hitmonchan] All right, you know what?
You're a fully grown goth lady now
and I'm gonna Mega Punch you.
- You're going to die in six months.
A Solrock lands on you after accidentally falling asleep
and entering Earth's atmosphere.
It renders you in-twain, but does not kill you immediately.
You spend seven hours in agony,
trying in vain to return your innards
to their rightful place before you are dragged
to a Pokecenter by a small child on a bicycle,
as he only has three pokeballs and is not willing
to lose any of his level two Caterpie
for some Pokemon he's never met before.
Sadly, you are beyond help by the time they process
your insurance information four hours later.
- [Hitmonchan] I'm, I'm just gonna go now.
- [Trainer] Hey, Hitmonchan, I didn't choose "Run."
Where are you going?
- [Hitmonchan] I've got six months to get to Kyoto, Japan
and ask Shigeru Miyamoto why this hot goth lady
just foretold my agonizing death
in what is ostensibly a children's game.
A game for fricking kids.
(digital beeping)
(Literal Pokedex theme)
(pokedex beeping) - [Pokedex] Diglett.
Many farmers cherish and nurture Diglett
because its droppings enrich the soil it lives in.
(sniffing)
- Oh Pa, what's that smell?
- That smell is the smell of prosperity.
It's the smell of success.
- It smells like Diglett doody.
- It is also that, yes.
- How they even pooping?
Do these things got butts?
I ain't never seen the bottom of one.
- [Diglett] Tank's empty, boss.
Could use a refill.
- No problemo, friendo.
Let me just get you a chili and black coffee smoothie.
(pokedex beeping) - [Pokedex] Dugtrio.
A team of Diglett triplets.
It triggers huge earthquakes
by burrowing 60 miles underground.
- [Lead Dugtrio] Guys, I don't think
that laxative-apple juice smoothie is sitting right.
- [Left Dugtrio] Yeah, same, I gotta go bad.
- [Right Dugtrio] Oh God, this one's gonna be nasty.
Let's do it deeper underground, 60 miles maybe.
(burrowing)
(rumbling) (burbling)
- Did you three poop so hard underground
that it shifted the tectonic plates of the Earth?
- [Lead Dugtrio] Yeah? - Huh, neat.
- But Pa, ain't there a problem with there
being countless Dugtrios speeding around underground,
pooping so hard the plates of the Earth shift?
- I'm sure it's fine, son.
Everything is fine and normal.
No problemo. (rumbling)
(digital beeping)
- Hey, I'm Andrew
and I'm the guy who writes a lot of Dorkly Bits.
Mostly the long Ditto ones.
I'm here to tell you that today's video
is brought to you by KiwiCo.
KiwiCo is defining the future of play
by making it engaging, enriching and seriously fun.
KiwiCo is all about super cool hands-on projects
and toys that expose kids to concept of STEAM.
That's Science, Technology, Engineering, Arts and Math.
And it's a great resource for learning at home.
Each monthly crate is designed by experts,
including industrial designers and aerospace engineers.
And they're tested by kids.
Each one teaches new themes
through hands-on learning and fun,
and over 1,000 hours go into developing each
and every crate.
KiwiCo offers eight subscription lines,
each catering to different age groups
and personal experience from KiwiCo crates.
But no matter what, KiwiCo crates are fun for everyone.
From toddlers to kids to teens to adults
and trust me, I'm an adult.
I'm an adult who has spent the better part
of the last 18 months trapped inside with a four-year-old
and when I have the opportunity to distract her
from the mind-bending, cheap, weird YouTube nursery rhymes
that she's obsessed with, I take it.
I was playing with the koala crate
with my daughter earlier today
and we were learning about wind,
we were exploring projects,
we built a mini-pirate car.
It was great.
And KiwiCo has a very special offer for Dorkly fans.
Click the link in the description below
and get 50% off your first month.
That's right, go to kiwico.com/dorklybits and get 50% off.
That's kiwico.com/dorklybits and get 50% off.
(Literal Pokedex theme)
(pokedex beeping) - [Pokedex] Feebas.
Ridiculed for its shabby appearance,
it is ignored by researchers.
It lives in ponds choked with weeds.
- Look, I'm just saying Mewtwo's not that impressive.
The right researcher, with the right lab,
could turn any Pokemon into the hottest Pokemon in town.
- Come on, bro, you don't really mean that.
- I do, I'll prove it to you.
I'll take the ugliest, boringest Pokemon
and win the Pokemon Research Prom Queen Award.
- The most prestigious award in Pokemon research.
- All right, bro, you're on.
- Ah, an ugly piece of trash has come to life
and not in the normal way like Garbodor.
Give me your shotgun, Palmer.
- Nuh-uh, that's your new research subject.
- Feebas?
Shit. - I like art.
(pokedex beeping) - [Pokedex] Milotic.
It is the world's most beautiful Pokemon.
There are many works of art featuring Milotic.
(upbeat dance music)
(record scratching)
- [Palmer] So, where's your Feebas, hot shot?
- You're looking at her.
- [Palmer] Whoa, Feebas evolved into that?
- The most beautiful Pokemon the research community
has ever seen.
- That's right, we've got the Pokemon Research Prom King
and Queen wrapped up.
- Wait, how did a fish evolve into an eel?
This genuinely makes zero sense.
- Or does it make all the sense in the world?
Now if you'll excuse me, we're gonna go do some research.
- I think he's gonna have sex with that hot serpent.
- This might be the most upsetting thing
that's ever happened in a Literal Pokedex video.
Oh right, never mind.
(digital beeping)
(Literal Pokedex theme)
(pokedex beeping) - [Pokedex] Piplup.
Because it is very proud,
it hates accepting food from people.
Its thick down guards it from cold.
- Hotdogtrio, get your hotdogtrio here.
- [Regice] I'll take two.
Here you go, pal.
- Get that food away from me.
I can take care of myself.
- [Regice] You're lucky the cold I emit means you're one
of the only Pokemon I can be friends with.
Oh God, move, move, move.
(pokedex beeping) - [Pokedex] Prinplup.
Because every Prinplup considers itself
to be the most important, they can never form a group.
- [Regice] You evolved.
That's pretty cool, bud.
And maybe now you can accept food from other--
- I don't think this is working anymore.
I'm going solo.
- [Regice] Are you kidding?
Groups are essential to penguin survival.
Haven't you ever seen that Morgan Freeman documentary?
(pokedex beeping) - [Pokedex] Empoleon.
If anyone were to hurt its pride,
it would slash them with wings
that can cleave through an ice floe.
- [Regice] You're no better than a Magikarp.
(evolution music)
- Say that to me one more time.
- [Regice] Look at what you did.
- [Narrator] The prideful Empoleon
has too late realized its costly mistake.
In its absence, its egg has begun to die,
suffering the frigid conditions within Regice's area effect.
Even with the extreme heat of a Magcargo,
this youngling will not survive
through the seventh inning stretch
and will never have the opportunity
to refuse food like its forebear ticks.
- Oh, don't worry about that one egg, friend.
I'll have my Ditto over here mate with you
and you'll pop out thousands of 'em just like that.
- Oh, phew, thanks, that's reassuring.
Wait, did you say "thousands?"
(digital beeping)
(Literal Pokedex theme)
(pokedex beeping) - [Pokedex] Grimer.
Sludge exposed to X-rays
from the moon transformed into Grimer.
It loves feeding on filthy things.
(burbling)
- Dear God, X-rays from the moon just turned sludge
into a living being.
If that's what happening to sludge,
Lord knows what it's doing to a regular person like me.
(popping) (retching)
Ah, great, just what I needed.
- There is fundamentally no difference between us.
- Time to turn the tables.
(pokeball zapping)
- Hey, if you spell "Grimer" backwards, it spells "Remirg."
Weird, right?
(laughs)
- I think that only works for like Ekans and Arbok.
(pokedex beeping) - [Pokedex] Muk.
A toxic fluid seeps from its body.
The fluid instantly kills plants and trees on contact.
- Oh great, it's getting bigger.
- Guess I should try to stop this thing
from wreaking havoc.
- [Doduo Heads 1 And 2] Go, Sunflora.
(pokeball zapping)
(withering)
- Geez, what the hell is coming out
of these moon X-rays? - Go, Huduo.
- The double-headed human type.
(pokeball zapping)
- What year is it?
How long have I been in there?
(retching)
Oh God, the moon X-rays are making me evolve again.
Damn you, moon.
(popping) (retching)
- Please kill us. - End our pain.
- A Hugerio. - Better put it
back in its pokeball so I can import its soul onto a PC
and trade it like livestock.
- This is much needed perspective.
- If you spell my name backwards, you get--
- Stop it, man.
- I know where you're going with that.
These videos are gross enough as it is.
- It's a miracle YouTube hasn't pulled the plug
on this channel.
Let's be honest.
- [Diglett] Wait, do those moon X-rays turn
like any toxic sludge into a sentient being?
Because if so, oh no.
(ominous music)
(digital beeping)
(duck quacking)
(digital theme music)