If you were cheering for me or just because you're inside.
Because it's cold here, isn't it?
I know people from the East coast are going,
it is not cold here, Ellen.
But it's cold here.
I mean, I think even like, you know, for people on the East
coast, it's like-- it was like 30 degrees this morning.
I actually think that maybe our weather
is colluding with Russia.
That's what I think.
OK.
I have a confession to make.
OK.
Something I did, and I said I wouldn't do it.
And I did it, and I'm deeply ashamed.
And I'm all about honesty, so I'm going to tell you.
I watched The Bachelor.
[SCREAMING]
[APPLAUSE]
I watched it, and it was an accident.
Here's what happened.
What happened was I was--
I was at home, and I noticed the light bulb
was out in the ceiling in the living room.
So I got a ladder and I climbed up the ladder and I went
on the very top step, the one they tell you not to get on
even though it's a step.
It's on there.
And anyway, so I'm balancing on the top of it trying
to change that light bulb and I slipped
and I fell and I landed on the remote
and it turned on The Bachelor, and I watched it for two hours.
And-- I'm kidding.
This is how it really happened.
Portia was out of town, and I got weak.
I just-- I was lonely, I was bored.
The light bulb is still out.
I haven't gotten to it.
Every year I swear I have watched it in the past,
and I've told you I've watched it,
but this year, I was like, I am not going to watch it.
And I really didn't think I was going to watch it,
and then I ended up watching it.
I held out for eight weeks.
I didn't watch it for eight weeks, and then--
who's watching?
Anybody watching The Bachelor?
[SCREAMING]
And so proud, too.
So proud that you watch it.
That's great.
The rest of you are just shaking your head like, you poor thing.
So if you haven't watched The Bachelor,
I'm going explain what happens.
It's a show that brings together all kinds of women.
There's Becca K, Becca M, Becca B, Becca C, Brittany J,
Brittany T, Brittany Y, Brittany P, Lauren B, Lauren G,
Lauren J, Lauren S. I said the Beccas, right?
There's, like, 29 women with four names,
and in the middle of all that, there's a handsome white man.
And his is Ari.
Here he is.
[SCREAMING]
Yeah?
OK.
He's a retired race car driver, and now, he's a realtor.
And on The Bachelor, that sounds attractive.
On Tinder, it means you're a Uber driver.
[LAUGHING]
All right.
I don't know why I keep watching.
I mean, I do know why.
Because The Bachelor is like pizza.
Even when it's bad it's good.
It's like-- and when it's really bad, it's really good.
And so the thing is, if you miss,
like, eight weeks of episodes, each episode is two hours long,
and it's impossible to catch up on what's going on.
I'm kidding.
It's exactly the same.
[LAUGHING]
Like, a monkey could tune in and all of a sudden go, oh, get it.
And if you missed the first half of the season
like I did and you want to catch up,
I put together a recap of what's happened so far.
So you can join in now.
This is what's happened.
[VIDEO PLAYBACK]
[APPLAUSE]
Poor Becca M. That was Becca M or Rebecca J. One of them.
It was--