I entered my dorm room, took a seat at my desk, and thought about father’s absence.
He conveniently left me a few weeks ago, just before I went to college.
And now I needed to figure things out for myself.
I pulled a pen and notebook out of my bag, and I wrote a question at the top of the first
page: how do I know if I’m on the right track?
I knew it was normal to feel lost in college, but I couldn’t afford to be lost for long.
School started in a week, and I had chosen creative writing as my undergrad—a choice
father never would have approved of.
If I stayed lost for too long, I’d be thirty-thousand dollars in debt, with no job opportunities
to look forward to.
I stared at the question on the page.
For as long as I remembered, writing always helped me gain a sense of direction.
I started every essay with a question, because father told me the answers I find are only
as good as the questions I ask.
“If an answer is the treasure, a question is the tool you use to find it,” he said
to me.
“Use cheap tools, and you’ll find cheap treasures.”
I believed father, because if I formulated a question well enough, sometimes the answer
just came to me on its own.
I was staring at the blank page, when I heard noises coming from behind my closet door.
At first, I ignored it and tried to write.
Father told me that Destiny calls to us, sweetly at first, like a mother calling her kids inside.
But if we ignored her for too long, she would get angry, and eventually, she would drag
us into her home, kicking and screaming.
He told me it was best to visit Destiny before she called.
“It’s just polite,” he said.
But in that moment, father’s advice slipped my mind, and I wanted to finish my essay,
and besides, the noise was very faint, almost relaxing.
But it got louder and louder, and eventually, I could no longer ignore it.
I walked over to the closet door and placed my ear against it.
I heard seagulls squawking and waves gently crashing.
I worried there was a leak on the other side, because I had just moved in.
I opened the door slowly at first, so if any water spilled out, I could shut it again.
But when nothing spilled out, I decided to get it over with quickly.
Like ripping off a bandaid, I thrusted the door open.
The closet was dark, and the noise had stopped.
I stepped inside and analyzed the shelves closely, but I couldn’t find the source
of the noise.
Maybe it had come from another room?
As I turned to leave the closet, I saw a blue light peaking out from under a cloth, on a
shelf near the door.
I walked over to the light, and as I approached, I heard the sound of waves gently crashing.
I grabbed the object, removed the cloth, and found a crystal ball underneath.
The ball emitted a gentle, blue light.
When I looked at it closely, I saw a beach inside.
The waves rocked back and forth, the seagulls took flight, and the sun descended into the
ocean.
But the image suddenly vanished, and smoke started to swirl inside the orb.
It shined more intensely and became warm to the touch, and honestly, I worried that it
would explode.
I placed it back on the shelf and hurried outside of the closet.
I waited for the sound of an explosion, but instead, I heard nothing.
What was going on?
I needed to know.
I crept back to the orb and looked closely.
I saw a newspaper with a list of bestselling books, and my name was on it!
The image faded into smoke.
Had the orb shown me the truth?
It must have!
How else could it have known I was a writer?
I had formulated the question, and the answer really came to me.
And father was proven wrong!
“There’s no money in writing,” he said.
“Choose a real career, like law.”
But the crystal ball confirmed that I was on the right track, and he was wrong.
I walked out of the closet, placed the ball on my desk, and called up my friends.
After finding out I was going to be rich and successful, I wanted to celebrate!
I spent the next few days partying, and little did I know, that ruined everything.
A few days later, after several long nights of drinking, I woke up and saw the ball glowing
on my desk.
I leapt out of bed, ran over to the orb, and held it close to my face, smiling from ear
to ear.
My heart raced as the smoke inside the ball swirled.
When the image finally appeared, I felt sick to the pit of my stomach.
Instead of writing bestsellers, I saw myself on the streets, begging for change.
I waited for the crystal ball to show me another image, but it went dark, and I knew it had
nothing more to say.
I put it back down on my desk.
All the time I had spent partying must have changed my future.
I had fallen off the right track.
Father told me life was a game of sacrifices.
“You can sacrifice the future for the present, or you can sacrifice the present for the future,”
he said to me.
“But you have to pick one.”
Father was right.
He was always right.
My head hurt from all the drinking.
I had sacrificed my future for a few good nights.
But if I could do that, that meant I could do the opposite: sacrifice my present for
a better future.
I just needed self-discipline.
So I walked over to my door and locked it.
I took a seat at my desk, pulled out my phone, and saw a text from Samantha.
She asked if I wanted to hang out today.
I told her I was very busy for the next few days.
I shut off my phone and placed it face-down on the desk.
I pulled a notebook and pen out of the desk and began writing.
Hour after hour passed, and I wrote word after word after word.
I refused to get up unless I had to use the bathroom.
Sixteen hours passed, and I finally put the pen down.
I had written five-thousand words in total.
I walked over to my bed and collapsed.
I felt lonely and exhausted.
But father told me that a good sacrifice is painful.
“It’s like going to the gym,” he said.
“A little bit of pain makes you stronger.”
But what about a lot of pain, I thought.
I decided I was being a baby.
“If you run from pain, you’ll never be everything you could be,” father said to
me.
He was right, and the crystal ball even agreed with him.
When I woke up the next morning, I immediately started writing.
After a few hours, my hand cramped, so I took a small break to play with the orb.
I held it in my hands, analyzing it.
The crystal ball remained dark, and I worried that the light might never return.
In moments of crisis, when I needed to remain disciplined, only one thing ever helped me:
faith.
Father always gave me faith.
When I was younger, I wanted to play the piano, just like him.
I watched him play every evening, and he played so beautifully.
He gave me faith in the result, faith that the piano was worth learning.
He gave me faith in the goal—in the future.
But he taught me how to play too.
In the evenings, when he practiced, he called me over to play with him.
He showed me the meanings of the different keys, and taught me a few songs.
He gave me faith in the process.
He gave me faith in the habit.
“A goal is a destination,” he said, “and habits are the road.
If you have faith in the destination, and faith in the road that will get you there,
you can drive forever,” he said to me.
I placed the orb back down on the desk and watched it.
It had given me faith in the destination.
I just needed it to validate that I was on the right road.
I started writing again, and I didn’t put the pen down until 1AM.
By the end of the day, I had written five-thousand more words.
When I woke up the next day, I saw the orb shining again.
I threw the blanket off of me and ran towards it.
I felt like I had seen water for the first time after days of dehydration.
I picked up the crystal ball and watched the smoke swirl around inside.
My heart raced faster and faster as the smoke cleared up.
I saw myself at a bar, all alone, crying.
Why was I crying?
The image faded and another emerged.
Divorce papers.
I forgot about Sam.
The crystal ball went dark.
I put it down on the desk and proceeded to turn on my phone.
I had five missed calls, fifteen text messages, and a voicemail—all from her.
I gave her a call.
“Hey—”
“Oh my god Tony, you’re alive!
I tried calling you so many times.
I was worried.”
“I know, I know—I’m sorry.”
“Is everything okay?
You’ve been acting differently since—”
“Since what?”
“Never mind.”
“Since my father died?
I told you, I’ve gotten over it.”
“No Tony.
You haven’t even visited your father’s grave since the funeral.”
“I’ve been busy working on this novel, and with school, and trying to make a future
for us.”
“You’re burying yourself in your work.
This isn’t healthy.
“I know.
I just can’t deal with that right now.
Can I see you?”
“Okay fine, but we’ll have to talk about it eventually.”
"I’ll be over soon.”
“I’ll be waiting,” she said and hung up.
I spent the rest of the evening at her house.
The next day, I sat at my desk and took a deep breath.
I needed to rethink how I spent my time.
I looked at the clock on my wall.
Father told me time was a gift.
“You’re given a limited number of hours each day,” he said.
“How you invest those hours determines your future.”
The orb showed me what a bad investor I was.
I had broken the cardinal sin: never put your eggs in one basket.
I invested all my time into work, and that wasn’t going to lead me to the future I
wanted.
I needed to invest in love too, and like any change, that required a sacrifice.
I spent the first half of my day writing.
I wrote as many words as I could muster until 6PM.
Then I put the pen down and spent my evening with Sam.
I didn’t even have time to cook.
Every night I sat in my office, eating pizza or fast-food.
When I got into bed that night, I felt better.
I felt less alone and less exhausted.
I decided that this would be my new schedule.
A week later, I sat at my desk and looked at the calendar on my wall.
I had finished the first week of school.
To keep up my schedule, I slept less.
I went to class in the mornings, wrote in the evenings, then spent some time with Sam
after.
For the first time, I lacked the energy to write.
Words no longer flowed out of me like they used to.
My brain felt foggy.
I looked at the orb.
It was still dark.
I needed to know if I was on the right track.
Would I land the book deal and marry Sam?
I needed to keep going until the orb validated the path I was on.
I walked into my kitchen, made a coffee, and brought it back to my desk.
It was my first coffee in years, but I needed it to get over this dip in energy.
I sat down at my desk and continued writing.
Afterwards, I spent time with Sam.
Then I came home and ate a pizza.
I climbed into bed at 2AM that night, my brain foggy and my stomach rounder than a week ago.
Two months passed, and I gained over thirty pounds.
I sat at my desk, and finally, after my third coffee that day, the orb lit up.
I leapt up from my desk and reached for the ball, my palm dripping with sweat.
I lifted it up towards my face and watched it closely.
The smoke swirled around before revealing the first image: me, at the doctors.
I looked really overweight, and the doctor pointed towards my chest.
Another image appeared: my tombstone.
Based on the dates, I died at the age of thirty-five.
The orb went dark.
My heart sank, and I put the orb down on my desk.
What would be the point of doing all this hard work if I was going to pass away at such
a young age?
I realized discipline and love were not enough.
I needed good health to achieve the future I wanted.
I decided to stop working for the day and went to sleep.
When I woke up the next day, I went straight to my desk.
But this time, I stopped working after a few hours and went to the gym instead.
After the gym, I came back to the apartment and continued writing for a few more hours.
Then I prepared a healthy dinner and spent time with Sam.
That was my new routine.
And honestly, at the end of each day, I felt good.
I felt the best I had in years.
After a week of this routine, when I woke up one morning, I saw the crystal ball light
up again.
I got out of bed and ran over to it.
Would the ball finally show me what I wanted to see?
I reached for it, my palms dripping with sweat.
I picked it up and watched it closely, pacing around the room.
The smoke swirled around inside.
I brought my head closer as the smoke started to clear, and just as an image began to emerge,
I stubbed my toe against the desk and dropped the crystal ball onto the floor.
It shattered into a thousand pieces.
I spent days trying to piece the crystal ball back together, but nothing worked.
A few weeks later, I stood at my father’s grave with Sam.
I told her everything: how I found the crystal ball, how it showed me success, the divorce,
my death, and how it affected my decisions.
I told her how it gave me faith, certainty, and how I felt lost without it.
I expected her to think I was crazy.
But she put her arm around me and said, “I get it.
I had a crystal ball too.”
I looked at her, confused.
“You did?”
“Yeah, Lucy.”
Lucy was her older sister.
She passed away from leukaemia a few years ago.
“Oh, I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be.
I felt lost when she went away too.”
“How did you manage?”
“Well, when you spent all day working, you felt terrible, right?
You said you felt lonely and exhausted.”
“Yeah.”
“And then you saw the divorce right?”
“Right.”
“And when you started eating unhealthy and drinking coffee, you said you felt tired and
foggy, right?”
“Right.”
“And then you saw your death?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, why do you need that crystal ball?
Your own body told you that you were off the right track before the ball did.”
“I guess.”
“So why don’t you keep following your feelings?
Listen to your body, and take it one day at a time—that’s what I do.
I try to make each day complete in itself.”
“How do you do that?”
“It’s like an art.
I add and subtract habits from my day, and I try to make it something I can be happy
with.
I try designing a day that I’d be happy living over again.
I don’t know exactly where it will take me, but I think it will take me where I’m
meant to go.
And sure, sometimes I have bad days, or what worked for me before doesn’t work anymore,
but that’s life.
I just try and come back to designing the day.
I ask myself, am I happy with the structure of my day right now?
Can I keep repeating this?”
I gave Sam
a hug.
“I think I’ll try that.”