>> Stephen: GIVE IT UP FOR THE BAND, EVERYBODY, LOUIS CATO AND
THE LATE SHOW BAND. THAT'S RIGHT.
LEUSES, MY FRIEND. >> STEPHEN, MY FRIEND SRS LOUIS,
MY FRIEND, I SEE SOME NEW FACES OVER IN THE BAND WHO DO WE HAVE
JOINING US THIS EVENING. >> JOINING US THIS EVENING FROM
ITS HUNTER TONES FEATURING JOHN RAMPLY, THE CHRIS OTT ON
TOMORROW BROAN AND DAN WHITE ON SAXOPHONE.
>> Stephen: GENTLEMEN, THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE, ADDED SOME
MUCH NEEDED HEIGHT. >> FAIR, THAT'S FAIR.
>> Stephen: TONIGHT WE'VE GOT A COUPLE OF WONDERFUL GUESTS,
NOBEL PRIZE WINNING JOURNALIST MARIA RESA WILL BE HERE,
INSPIRING WOMAN AND TALK ABOUT INSPIRING, OUR DEAR FRIEND, MY
OLD DANCE PARTNER SALLY FIELD IS GOING TO BE ON THE SHOW.
>> DANCE PARTNER? >> DANCE PARTNER.
>> Stephen: YEAH, A LONG STORY.
FOLKS, I LOVE TECHNOLOGY. I'M SO TECH-SAVVY, I'M ABLE TO
MAKE PHONE CALLS ON MY WORDLE MACHINE.
AND I LIKE TO TELL YOU ALL ABOUT THE LATEST BREAKTHROUGHS
IN TECH IN MY AWARD-SUBMITTED SEGMENT, "CYBORGASM."
♪ >> OOOHH!
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) MAYBE THE WORST EVER.
>> Stephen: FIRST UP: THEY'RE NOW MAKING VIDEO GAMES FOR DOGS.
A U.K.-BASED COMPANY IS INTRODUCING "A VIDEO GAME SYSTEM
THAT IT SAYS WILL UNLEASH YOUR DOG'S COGNITIVE POTENTIAL."
THANKS, BUT, LET ME INTRODUCE YOU TO MY DOG, BENNY.
WHEN HE WAS A PUPPY, ABOUT THREE YEARS AGO, HE SAW A
SQUIRREL IN A TREE IN OUR YARD. AND SINCE THEN, EVERY TIME HE
GOES OUTSIDE, HE BITES THAT TREE.
SO, LET'S NOT GET OVERLY INVESTED IN HIS COGNITIVE
POTENTIAL. ANYWAY, HERE'S THE CANINE VIDEO
GAME IN ACTION. >> Stephen: PFF.
DOGS ARE SO STUPID. WHAT A POINTLESS GAME.
TALK TO ME WHEN THEY CAN TAP ON THREE SIMILAR CANDIES.
NEXT UP, THE FUTURE IS NOW, BECAUSE "AUTONOMOUS ROBOTS
ARE HERE TO HELP MODERNIZE THE WINE INDUSTRY."
IT'S THE BIGGEST BREAKTHROUGH FOR THE WINE INDUSTRY SINCE THE
INVENTION OF HODA KOTB. ONCE DEPLOYED, THESE NEW ROBOTS
WILL "ROLL THROUGH VINEYARDS, USING COMPUTER VISION TO GATHER
DATA ON THE PHYSIOLOGICAL STATE OF EACH GRAPEVINE."
JUST WHAT WE NEED, A ROBOT WINE SNOB.
JIM, ROLL THAT FOOTAGE AGAIN WITH THE AUDIO TURNED UP?
>> I AM NOT DRINKING ANY (/
INTRODUCED FOOTWEAR WHICH THEY CLAIM ARE "THE WORLD'S FASTEST
SHOES," AND WHICH THEY CALL "MOONWALKERS."
BECAUSE IF THERE'S ONE THING WE ASSOCIATE WITH WALKING ON THE
MOON, IT'S SPEED! LOOK AT THEM GO!
MOONWALKERS ARE ACTUALLY A WHEELED ATTACHMENT THAT STRAPS
TO YOUR SHOES. I'LL LET THE C.E.O. DESCRIBE HOW
THEY WORK. >> SO, THERE'S NO NEED TO
BALANCE. JUST WALK FASTER TO ACCELERATE
AND WALK SLOWER TO DECELERATE. TO CLIMB UPSTAIRS, SIMPLY LIFT
UP YOUR HEEL TO SIGNAL INTO LOCK MODE.
AND TO GO BACK TO THE SHIFT MODE, SIMPLY LIFT AND TURN YOUR
HEEL. >> Stephen: PERFECT FOR
ANYONE SAYING, "I WISH THE ONLY THING STANDING BETWEEN ME
AND A FRACTURED SKULL WAS FORGETTING ONE TIME TO LIFT AND
TURN MY HEEL." NEXT UP, "SUBWAY IS SELLING
PRE-MADE SANDWICHES FROM A.I. FRIDGES, WHICH IT SAYS CAN
HEAR YOU TALK AND ANSWER YOUR QUESTIONS."
QUESTIONS LIKE, "DEAR GOD, HAS IT COME TO THIS?"
NEXT UP, ROBOTS COULD BE COMING TO YOUR OFFICE.
AT ONE COMPANY IN SOUTH KOREA, "A FLEET OF ABOUT 100 ROBOTS
CRUISE AROUND ON THEIR OWN, MOVING FROM FLOOR TO FLOOR ON
ROBOT-ONLY ELEVATORS AND SOMETIMES NEXT TO HUMANS,
ROLLING THROUGH SECURITY GATES AND ENTERING MEETING ROOMS."
AND, THE COMPANY ASSURES EVERYONE "THAT ITS ROBOTS LOOK,
MOVE, AND BEHAVE IN A WAY THAT MAKES EMPLOYEES COMFORTABLE."
YEP. THESE WILL DEFINITELY MAKE YOUR
EMPLOYEES FEEL COMFORTABLE. AS LONG AS YOUR EMPLOYEES WERE
RAISED BY DEHUMIDIFIERS. NEXT UP, "LG'S STRETCHABLE,
SMOOSHABLE SCREEN PROMISES A FUTURE OF SHATTER-PROOF
GADGETS." IN RESPONSE TO THE SHATTER-PROOF
CLAIM, THE NATION'S TODDLERS SAID, "HOLD MY JUICE BOX."
AND FINALLY, "ROBOT DOG MAKER BOSTON DYNAMICS HAS ACCUSED A
RIVAL COMPANY, GHOST ROBOTICS, OF STEALING ITS DESIGN AND
STRAPPING A GUN TO IT." THERE HASN'T BEEN AN INNOCENT
PIECE OF TECH TURNED THIS VIOLENT SINCE THE RELEASE OF THE
"BOOMBA." AS IT HAPPENS, GUN-BOT MAKER
GHOST ROBOTICS IS PHILADELPHIA-BASED.
SO, WE CAN REST ASSURED THAT THIS TERRIFYING SUPER
ROBO-WEAPON WILL BE PERFECTLY SAFE, UNLESS THE EAGLES MAKE IT
TO THE PLAYOFFS. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK