- Hey everybody, today I wanna answer a question
that I receive from our community, and that question is,
are some people unhelpable?
I know some of the things that need to work on,
but they feel too big and entrenched to change.
I don't know where to start
or if healthy relationships are even possible for me.
Am I too afraid to be able to benefit from therapy?
Now I know it's common for us to think
that things are too bad,
or they run too deep for them to be worked on
and to be overcome.
Each week I get questions for my podcast that focus on
whether or not things can get better for us
because of the severity of our issues,
or the difficulty that we have engaging in therapy.
But just know, that no matter who you are,
or what you've been through,
you can get better with the right help.
Now I know me just saying that
doesn't make you feel any better,
so let me break down just how and why
everyone can get better.
First, know that it's normal to think all of our issues
are just too much to recover from
or even the thought of dealing with one,
makes us wanna throw in the towel and give up.
The truth about therapy and recovery,
is that most of our issues,
are actually connected to each other.
Meaning that by working on one,
we often work through multiple problems at the same time.
Kind of like that old saying you know,
killing two birds with one stone.
For example, one of the issues that I personally worked on
forever in therapy, was my issues with people pleasing.
It was causing me anxiety,
issues in my relationships
and hurting my self esteem.
Now once we figured out
that all of those different problems,
think of just how long that list could have been
with all those areas of my life being affected.
But once we figured out
that all of those problems were happening
because of my urge to please everyone around me,
the focus of therapy moved
from dealing with ruminating and racing worry thoughts,
and struggles with my friend and my coworker and myself,
and dealing with my imposter syndrome,
into, working on noticing ways in which
I was trying to please others at great cost to myself
and trying to change my thoughts and behaviors
into more healthy ones.
What I'm really trying to get at,
is that in therapy we have to get to the root of the issue
instead of only focusing on the symptoms.
Sure we can get support for the symptoms
but, the real work is in the reason
that we're acting that way at all.
Does that make sense?
Next, things didn't become horrible overnight
so they won't be fixed overnight either.
When we get into therapy it's very common to think,
yay, I finally made it.
Now everything's gonna start to feel better.
Unfortunately, that's not how therapy works.
Therapy takes time.
We have to get comfortable with our therapist.
I mean, hell, first we have to find a therapist
that's a good fit for us.
And I have a video about that too if you wanna learn more,
you can search for it.
Then we have to open up about what's going on,
and then, the best and worst part,
is that we have to try and change things
in our regular life.
This could mean that we speak up for ourselves more
or stop talking to that toxic friend
or let ourselves cry and get angry sometimes.
It takes effort and practice
to change our automatic thoughts and behaviors.
And it's definitely not easy.
But with practice and support, it does get better.
We are all used to the way we do things.
So changing that is gonna be difficult
and at times super uncomfortable.
But don't let that distract you
from the fact that you are healing, getting better,
and working through all that's been bothering you.
My third point,
is that you don't have to know where to start.
I know that may sound crazy.
Like how can I go to see a professional
and not know what I wanna work on,
and have it still be effective?
That doesn't make any sense.
Well, in therapy it actually does.
All we have to know when we go in,
is that we don't like where we're at
or what's upsetting us right now.
It's all the information we have to know.
Because it's part of our jobs as therapists,
to ask you questions about your bothersome symptoms
and work with you to figure out some goals
that you may have for your time with us.
We figure out that stuff together.
It's not all on you.
And that's really part of the magic in therapy
is that we as patients just have to show up,
be as honest as possible,
and really try some new tools and techniques
in between our sessions
and our therapist,
will keep us moving along toward a healthier, happier us.
We don't have to know where to start when we go.
We just have to pick someone that we connect with,
and be open to the process.
It can feel scary at first
but it's honestly what therapists are trained to do.
So just let them do their jobs.
Also know that recovery or healing isn't a linear process,
meaning we don't just go from A to B to C all nice and neat.
Life isn't like that.
And there will be times when we take three steps forward
and 10 steps back.
It's hard to change
and we will slip up.
We'll be triggered, we'll be too tired or wanna give up
and that's okay, that's being human.
But just remember that all this effort and struggle,
is worth it.
And I can tell you from personal experience
that although therapy test me and exhausts me sometimes,
I'm always thankful for the changes that I see in myself
and in my relationships.
So stick with it.
Oh, and one of my favorite memes
to explain this process in therapy,
I don't know if you've seen it,
but it's that one with the neat line that says,
how I thought it would go
and it's just this straight beautiful line,
and then there's this crazy amount of scribble
swirling all over and it reads, how it actually went.
Yeah, I felt that. That's real.
That's like therapy all in a nutshell.
And my final thought,
is that we don't have to be sure if therapy is going to work
in order for it to.
I know therapy sounds odd, scary,
and like a lot of work,
and that's okay.
And it's kind of true,
but again, we just have to keep showing up,
opening up, and trying,
because if we don't like how we're feeling
or how things in our life are going,
we have to do something.
And for me not liking how I currently feel
or how things are unfolding,
is all the motivation I need to pick myself back up,
dust myself off, and keep trying.
It's hard and no one can do it for you.
But trust me when I tell you,
that again, yes the therapy is worth it.
You are worth it.
And everyone is helpable.
I hope this video gave you a little bit of hope
or was at least a good reminder
of just how strong, amazing, and capable you are.
Have a wonderful week
and I will see you next time. Bye
(upbeat music)