What does killing goats with your mind and driving fast cars have in common? Well, if you said "intensely focused concentration", then you'd be absolutely wrong! Because telepathy doesn't exist! This is "Movie Night"!
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Hello, and welcome to "Movie Night." I'm your host, Jonathan Paula. Let's get right into our first film, "The Men Who Stare At Goats."
Released last fall as a "comedy" film, "Goats", which stars George Clooney, Ewan McGregor, Kevin Spacey, and Jeff Bridges, grossed nearly $50 million at the box office, despite being a total waste of everyone's time.
The film is laughably supposed to be based on true-to-life events, but there isn't a single moment that goes by in this movie where you're not thinking to yourself, "Did any of this really exist?"
"The Men Who Stare at Goats" is the true story of Bob Wilton, a reporter from Michigan who decides to fly to Iraq to get some excitement out of his life. Wilton is played by McGregor, who provides his best attempt at an American accent.
Once there, he bumps into Lyn Cassady, portrayed by George Clooney, a former solider of the secret "New Earth Army", a branch of the American armed forces that apparently existed and used telepathy and other made-up crap to fight bad guys in a war.
Jeff Bridges and Kevin Spacey play fellow soldiers in this secret army, but neither delivers a memorable performance, which is especially disappointing given their "Best Actor" status in the industry.
The absurd and seemingly nonsensical storyline aside, "Goats" is listed as a comedy movie. I laughed all of two times in this 94-minute suck-fest. Sure, some of the writing is sharp, and the movie keeps you interested...
...But this is only in the same way that the TV show "Lost" keeps you interested- by constantly giving you more and more questions, without ever explaining why you should give a damn.
This movie features a list of extraordinary "A"-listers, their potentials absolutely wasted in a film that provides them with no purpose or consequence for their actions.
Besides suffering from mindless plot progression and un-motivated characters, "The Men Who Stare At Goats" features zero antagonists or any real climax in the entire film. At first, it seems like a promising and intriguing film that keeps you guessing.
Unfortunately, the film never turns the corner, leaving you still guessing why any of this was worth your time. Throw in some hackneyed use of Boston's "More Than A Feeling" in the soundtrack...
...And you've got what amounts to a bizarre and floundering film that only serves as a highly fictionalized account of some secret army stuff that doesn't really sound realistic to begin with.
This film wasn't all garbage though. It had a few scenes that drew my attention and kept me entertained, if, occasionally, for the wrong reasons. As a whole, however, this movie never finds its footing, nor does it make any damn sense.
So, that's what I had to say about "The Men Who Stare At Goats." I didn't really like it, but let's see what you had to say in the YouTube comments.
Jon: therandomnessgogo wrote... (reads therandomnessgogo's comment)
Jon: Dizkid95 wrote... (reads Dizkid95's comment)
Okay, now, let's go ahead and rank this waste of time on the Rate-o-Matic.
A "3" and a "5"! Well, I thought this was a bad movie. Plain and simple, it failed at being interesting. I had to give it a "3." Collectively, you guys were all over the place.
Some people recognized that this movie was a failure at cinema, and others praised it for its "complicated plot" and "acting." Your results averaged out to an "alright" film. Moving forward now, let's review "The Fast and The Furious."
Released nine years ago, the original "The Fast And The Furious" not only launched the careers of nearly all of its stars, it was also a major blockbuster hit, spawning three successful sequels.
Set amongst the seedy underground of an apparently large network of illegal street racers, the film is about Brian O'Conner, an undercover police officer who finds himself getting a bit to close to his mark, the king of the street-racers, Dom Toretto.
Toretto is played by Vin Diesel. Paul Walker portrays O'Conner, an up-and-coming officer who is trying to impress his department heads and get a raise. but first, he has to impress his fellow street-racers.
Before O'Conner is revealed as an undercover operative, the first 30 minutes of "The Fast And The Furious" are an exciting and educational journey into LA's underground racing gangs, but they're also void of any real substance or purpose.
Luckily, the middle act of the film begins to introduce some much-needed conflict and plot. However, it is sadly at the expense of the aforementioned action and glamour that preceded it.
Walker and Diesel do a decent-enough job bouncing off one another in the film, acting as much as they're required to, but neither one is really challenged on an emotional level.
In one of her first significant supporting roles, Michelle Rodriguez is even worse, mostly just grunting and saying some tough one-liners, while frowning, for most of the film.
As Dom's sister and Brian's love interest, Mia, Jordana Brewster is perhaps the lone member of the cast who really stands out in her performance, bringing to life an otherwise one-dimensional character.
When the film isn't bogging itself down with unoriginal "undercover"-created dilemmas and focuses instead on the car racing and action scenes, "The Fast And The Furious" really shines.
Almost a decade old, these edge-of-your-seat sequences are still amazing orgies of sound and vision, expertly edited at a blistering, nail-biting pace.
Although the film does little to convince you that Vin Diesel is a good actor or that dropping $20,000 into a 1995 Honda Civic is a good idea, the movie does do a great job of providing some good old-fashioned entertainment.
Nothing groundbreaking here. Instead, it's a fresh and gritty take on a well-established formula, and it pays off for the film- it's fun and exciting to watch.
Well, that's what I had to say about "The Fast And The Furious." Now, let's see what you guys had to say in the YouTube comments. TheRenken wrote... (reads TheRenken's comment)
Jon: rafael1991metal wrote... (reads rafael1991metal's comment)
Well, you've heard from me, and we've heard from you. So, now, let's kick this show into 3rd gear and fire up the Rate-o-Matic for "The Fast and the Furious."
A "cool" and a "great"! While this movie was average and uninspiring in most scenes, the thrilling action more than made up for it. I gotta give it a "7."
You folks mostly agreed, with several of you claiming that the fast cars alone made this movie worth a "10." In the end, your score averaged to an "8." Well, that does it for our full-length reviews. Now, let's take a look at some Tweet Critiques.
Jon: nousername215 Tweeted... (reads nousername215's Tweet)
Jon: Mace_907 Tweeted... (reads Mace_907's Tweet)
Well, that does it for this week's episode of "Movie Night." Now, let's take a look forward at the two movies we'll be reviewing for next week's episode, which will be the last episode of the first season of "Movie Night."
To end the first season of "Movie Night" with a bang, I decided to review two classic movies: one ultimate guy movie that I'm sure we probably all love, "Rocky I", and one groaner of a chick-flick that I know we probably all hate, "Twilight I."
I'm definitely looking forward to hearing what you have to say about these two particular films, so please leave your comments down below. That does it for this week's episode of "Movie Night."
I'll see you again next Wednesday for the final episode of Season 1. Until then, my name is Jonathan Paula. Thanks for watching "Movie Night."
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