How your childhood affects your emotions Our childhood experiences serve as the foundation
for the rest of our lives.
Just like building a house, if the foundation is not laid correctly, the house will surely
fall apart.
This is why it is important that parents shape little human beings from birth to ensure that
they become successful adults.
Similarly, if the foundation is weak, the structure of our adult lives will be affected.
When we look back at our lives, we will all remember our childhood.
For many, it will be filled with happy memories of you as a family.
The smell of mom's famous roast chicken on a Sunday, or sleepovers at grandma's house.
The way dad used to carry you to bed every night while you pretended to be asleep might
be enough for some, but for others there might not be these kinds of memories.
Some have grown up in a house where dad used to beat up mom whenever he had too much to
drink.
Others remember being the laughing stock at school.
Then there are the ones that had to endure great trauma from an early age.
Our memories are what shaped us into becoming the people that we are today.
We carry it with us wherever we go, and whether our story is filled with happy moments or
sad past experiences, our childhood affects our emotions.
When we recall our past experiences, they help us to understand why we have grown to
be the person we are today.
However, despite the fact that we all have our own unique story, we are all affected
by the broader effects of childhood.
We take a closer look at how our childhood affects our emotions.
1.
Our Parents Let's start at the beginning with the ones that created us.
Many children see their parents as their role models.
When it comes to our childhood heroes, most of us have a black-and-white reaction.
When I was a teen or young adult, I either decided not to be like my parents and never
got angry or became aggressive like them.
If mom used to work late all the time and hardly spend any time with us at home, we
decided that we would not work in order to spend more time with our kids.
The thing is that this is viewed from a child's perspective.
Surely you are not thinking clearly as your emotions are taking over.
Because your childhood effects your emotions, you will end up depressed because now you
are a stay-at-home mom with no income.
This will put a strain on you and your family's lives because you will make your decisions
based on your childhood.
Or perhaps you grew up with an abusive father.
You will want to protect your child from the world.
In the end, because you were shielding your child from the world, the child will end up
having no friends and trust issues just like you.
The fact is that no matter what the situation is, we all go back to our past experiences
and we either have not yet dealt with it or have learned from it.
2.
Order of birth There have been decades of studies on the effects of birth order on children
and adults.
This research shows that the oldest children (or an only child) are likely to grow up to
be good leaders, high achievers in school, and "good" kids who follow the rules.
They can also be anxious, cautious around others, and overly sensitive to authority.
Why, you may ask?
Because they are the first born or the only child, they believe that they have to be the
leaders.
They feel the need to live up to their parents' expectations.
Their main role is to keep mom and dad happy.
For a first-born child, the responsibility is even greater as he or she has to step up
if there are younger siblings involved.
All the responsibility falls on the eldest, as the second born is usually the one that
is rebellious and loves to challenge authority.
The same way the first child responds to the parents and what they want, the second child
reacts to the first child.
Their identity comes from how different they are from the first child, who is the "anti-good
child."
This allows them to get attention from their parents.
The Baby: The youngest children are thought to be spoiled because everyone in the family
pays attention to them because they are the youngest, cute, etc.
If they are used to getting a lot of attention without doing much, they might feel like they
deserve it as adults and get angry when they don't get it.
But it can also make them anxious because they have never had a chance to build up the
strong self-confidence that comes from being able to handle things on their own.
As an adult, they may feel overwhelmed and turn to others to help them out.
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3.
Psychological scars When it comes to emotional scars, it's all about what you learned to
be sensitive to as a child.
For example, feeling neglected, not being heard or rejected, and not being appreciated
are the most common.
As a child, your main coping mechanisms are to become good, furious, or withdrawn, like
the first- or second-born children.
I get my manners from my brother; my temper comes from my sister; and I'm a quiet one
like everyone else in the family.
As a result, you'll carry these coping mechanisms into your adult relationships and use them
when you're hurt.
For these reasons, both parties are operating because of the way their childhood affects
their emotions, and the cycle repeats itself over and over again, with each individual
suffering from a childhood wound.
We all have something to show for the years spent in childhood.
This is normally the result of experiencing trauma in your childhood.
It can be anything from abuse, grief, or severe neglect.
Even now, as adults, we still carry our childhood emotions with us as we have already decided
how we need to cope with certain situations in order to protect ourselves in the future.
We have already decided that we will not love someone wholeheartedly in case that person
decides to leave us one day.
We build up walls of anger to avoid getting too close to someone.
All of us have difficulty trusting people because of our childhood.
4.
Letting go of the past You may fix the foundation that was laid down.
It does not have to have any long-term effects on you.
As an adult, you don't have to stick with all the coping mechanisms you thought you
had as a child.
You can change them to best suit you.
The greatest challenge for us as adults is to find ways to deal with our childhood emotions,
which includes looking for ways to fix that foundation if it has been broken, or best
ways to spot trigger situations, but most of all, methods on how we can shape our brains
to start thinking as adults.
You now have the key to unlock doors that you were previously afraid to enter because
you now have the time to evaluate yourself and your personality.
Be more deliberate in how you react going forward.
You can do this by using psychodynamic approaches to unravel your past and gain insight into
the causes of those old wounds.
It's now possible to separate your past from your present so that you can make better decisions
for yourself in the here and now.
However, you don't have to dig up your past to accomplish this.
Doing so now, in your current relationship, is possible.
Baby steps are the way to go.
Slow and steady is the key; you don't have to do the one-week transformation.
In order to change your reactions, begin by taking small steps.
Begin with those who don't bother you as much and whose reactions you don't give as much
thought to as those who do.
Your response is more important than the circumstances.
In order to improve your confidence and rewire your childhood brain, you need to do things
you've never done before in order to push yourself out of your comfort zone.
I hope that you enjoyed watching this video.
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Thank you for watching!