(beeping)
(retro music)
- Let's get started.
Okay, heart! Time for you to go.
- Excuse me?
- This is a heart transplant. You have to come out of there.
- Up yours, man. I'm not going anywhere.
- Listen, I don't have all day.
Either you come out voluntarily
or I'm coming in there with a scalpel.
- Oh, for real? Why can't you just leave me alone.
- If I left you alone,
you would kill Mr Clemens here before he turned 40.
- Pshh, whatever dude.
- Take it from me.
You're a terrible heart.
- Come on, Heart, would you just listen to the doctor?
- Yeah, you're the worst. - You suck at being a heart.
- Shut up, Stomach! You just make poop for a living.
- You're such a dick!
- [Dick] I'm a dick!
D-I-C-K!
Dicky dicky dicky dicky- (pot banging)
- I can't believe this. After all we've been through.
- Now do you believe me?
I got a brand new heart right here,
ready to take your place. Good heart, strong heart.
Not a jerk, like you
- Hey everybody! I can't wait to start working with you guys
- [All] Hey!
- This is fucking bullshit.
What about you, left lung? You've been quiet.
You don't wanna see me go, do you?
- Well, heart, it's just that
you don't seem to really care about
beating enough to keep the body alive.
Maybe it'd be better for all of us
if you just listened to the doctor.
- Better for all of you? I've got a news flash for you guys.
You're nothing without me!
You're all just a bunch of useless bitches.
(heart monitor flatlining)
- Knock it off bro. - Heart, stop horsing around!
- Heart! What are you trying to prove?
- Jesus Christ, heart! What the fuck are you doing?
- Doctor, please, you have to do something!
- Heart, you son of a bitch! I'm gonna kill you.
- Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god!
- (gasps) Heart,
(gasps) please. I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry.
(beating starts)
- See? You're all a bunch of bitches.
A bunch of baby bitches.
- Have you made your point?
- Yeah, I'd say so.
I mean, I think it's pretty clear
that these baby bitches need me
a lot more than I need them. You know what, doc?
You're right, I'm a shitty heart.
I've always wanted to check out the west coast,
I've got some money saved up. You know, what's stopping me?
- I'm glad we worked it all out.
We'll um,
give you a moment.
- Heart? Maybe we were a little too hard on you.
- Don't wanna hear it, babe.
You all drew your lines in the sand.
(gross noises)
Well, I guess this is it.
I'll be sure to send you guys
a fucking postcard from Big Sur.
I hear it's pretty tight.
- Hey.
Good luck out there.
- [Heart] Thanks, doc. Thanks.
- [Doctor] With the new heart,
Mr Clemens lived to be 103 years old.
- Hey everybody! - [All] Hey!
- What's up, man?
- I went on to write the bestselling children's book,
"A Good Heart Saves the Day."
But sadly,
the heart never made it to California.
He was killed in a shootout after
a bank robbery gone wrong in Amarillo, Texas.
After all,
he was a bad heart.
A very bad heart, indeed.