- I don't give a fuck about my my mama's tears.
What I care about is this.
I was in the fucking vestibule area with my balls lifted up
squatted, letting this fucking child predator look at me.
This is what I'm fucking focused on.
I'm killin' Mitchell, and I already put it in my mind.
[engine revs]
[dark electronic music]
♪
[mouthing words]
[gunshot]
[heart beating]
[roars]
[gunshots]
[growls]
[roars]
[growls]
[roars]
[cheers and applause]
- I'm super excited to have this guy back--he told my favorite
story ever on this show.
You guys are gonna love him.
Give it up for Mr. Ali Siddiq, everybody.
Let him hear it.
[cheers and applause]
- This is what happens
when you take a 19-year-old boy, and put him in prison.
This is what happens.
Now, I'm 21 at the time, but I just settled in
to the prison now; been there for a while.
But in prison, you have things that you're
very particular about.
Like, I told my celly, "Hey, no peeing standing up
"in this cell.
You have to sit down and pee."
Because of this.
I pray on the floor, and so if you urinate,
you splash urine all over the place, I'ma kill you.
[laughter]
All right, just setting the tone.
So you start to develop certain type of phobias about things.
I developed this phobia when I first got to this place
called diagnostics in prison.
It's a--it's basically slavery.
It's, like, a bunch of fences.
You in one fence.
It's, like--it's a space for, like, 80 people,
but they ram, like, 200 people in this space,
and you just trying to get your space.
You don't want nobody behind you.
You don't want nobody's butt in front of you.
You just want to maintain your space.
So that's the first--the first little cage,
and you have on clothes, so they move you to the second cage,
and they tell you to take off all your clothes.
Now you naked with the same bunch of people smashed in,
so now you back trying to get your space.
You don't want nobody behind you.
Don't want nobody in front of you.
Trying to get your space.
Dude--we all naked, so dude come over and talk to me and say,
"Hey, man, what's going on? What you in here for?"
"Hey, dude, get the fuck away from me.
I'm naked, and you in my space."
[laughter]
So I'm not really comfortable being naked with a--
a plethora of men--I'm not--that's not
where I'm at with my life.
[laughter]
So...movin' forward, now I'm in prison, and I remember
somethin' my uncle told me: he said,
"You never wanna be naked in prison.
"You buy some shorts off commissary, and they can't make
you take off the shorts 'cause the shorts are not contraband."
Cool. I've been having these shorts--
this was my first purchase.
A lot of people purchase other things on commissary,
soup and food.
I bought a pair of white shorts, $7.00.
Best purchase I've made in prison.
[laughter]
So I wear these shorts every day--even if I wear my boxers,
I wear the shorts on under my boxers 'cause I already know any
time, you can be strip searched, and I know the rules,
'cause I was the fire and safety clerk, you see.
Let me tell you, fine--it's power.
I know everything about this prison, 'cause I worked for
Scarborough, which is the fire and safety man.
I'm the fire and safety clerk, so I don't want nobody
fucking with me, stripping down, nothing.
So most of the time, I'm a--I'm a well-respected young guy
in this prison, 'cause I've been here since I was
19, now I'm 21, and I'm just gaining my stripes.
Officers respect me, cause I'm respectable.
And I'm so respectable that officers don't do this.
When they call--there's this thing they call chow time.
That's when people run out the door to go eat
like fucking cattle.
I said, "Hey, don't talk to me like that.
I'm a civilized human being."
And the officers were like, "Oh, chow time."
Then they'd turn around, "Ali, excuse me, lunch for you."
I'm like, "Thank you, sir."
[laughter]
'Cause I'm very civilized.
So now, I'm--I'm about to become uncivilized because there's
an officer named Mitch-- it's always somebody--
when a bunch of people like you, it's always somebody who
doesn't like you, and they're trying to prove a point.
So Mitchell sees me, and let me tell you who Mitchell look like.
Mitchell looked the dude--what's the dude, Flanders,
on "The Simpsons"?
Who's always like a fucking pedophile to me, always.
So I'm comin' through, for no random reason, Mitchell pulls me
over in this area-- I'm on building eight,
is where I stay at, and it's a high traffic area--
the vestibule area.
He stops me in the fuckin' vestibule area, and say,
"Hey, I think you have some contraband.
"I'm gonna shake you down." I'm like, "Yo, Mitchell, I just
"came from necessities, I don't have no fuckin' contraband.
Get the fuck out of here."
You know, and put your hands down while you're talking to me,
'cause you supposed to stay three feet away from me,
'cause you know I'm the fucking fire and safety clerk,
so don't fucking break the rules.
[laughter]
So he say, "Well, I'm gonna strip search you."
I'm like, no, you're not-- not in this high traffic
area--no, you're not, sir. So he calls the rest of these
other officers around, some fucking rookies that don't
know me, and and he's like, "Yo, you gonna have to
take off your clothes."
So I took off all of their white shit--their clothes.
Gave it to him--nothing. I got my shorts on.
I'm standin' there.
He say, "You're gonna have to take them shorts off."
I say, "That's not the rules, Mitchell, not the rules."
[laughter]
And now I'm getting a little-- a little heated about this,
because I know I have a problem with being naked
in the fucking hallway, and I know that I have a problem
with this, and I'm trying to get Mitchell to understand.
"Mitchell, this is not gonna be good."
[laughter]
"Mitchell, Mitchell, Mitchell."
I'm trying to explain to Mitchell, "Mitchell..."
so he gets all the rest of these officers around.
The captain comes up and says, "I can't go against my officer--
"he say you got contraband. You gonna have to get naked."
I say, "Captain, if I get naked in this hallway, in front
"of all these people comin' in and out..." and I turned
right to Mitchell and looked at him in his eyes and said,
"This ain't gonna be good, Mitchell."
[laughter]
"Because I don't give a shit about goin' home at this point.
"I came here with 15 years, Mitchell, I wanna do these
"little 15 years and go home. But if you make me get naked
"in this motherfuckin' vestibule area..."
[laughter]
So they got all these officers around me,
and I done threatened this man with the easiest way I can
threaten him without getting sent to cell.
I said, "Mitchell, this ain't gonna be good, brother."
So long story short, I end up naked, and I'm pissed.
I'm naked and I'm bald-headed, and then he takin' me through
this bullshit: "Run your fingers through your hair."
[laughter]
"Open your mouth."
"I've been talking this whole time.
"If something was in my mouth, Mitchell,
it'd have been fell out."
"Open your mouth."
"Lift up your balls."
"Squat."
Let me explain what he just did: I went to prison
for a nonviolent case, drug dealing.
What he just turned me into
was a violent young man at 21.
Because you made me cough and squat
for no fuckin' reason,
other than that you wanted see me, in my mind.
So now I'm--I got tears in my eyes,
and people are walking past.
Other prisoners are walking past, and they looking at
Mitchell like, "Mitchell..."
[laughter]
"This ain't gonna be good."
[laughter]
So for eight months, I been planning on killin' Mitchell.
[laughter]
Like, I done wrote my mama this coded--this coded letter
lettin' her know that her son ain't comin' home no mo'.
I told--this is what I wrote in the letter.
I said, "Mama, prison is like judicial slavery.
I just figured this out, and I'm Nat Turner."
[laughter]
You had to know about history to know.
Y'all will figure it out.
[laughter]
And my mom writes me a letter back like, "Just chill,"
and she about a face with tears on the face, and I'm, like,
looking--I don't even, like, I don't give a fuck
about my mama's tears.
What I care about is this.
I was in the fucking vestibule area with my balls lifted up
squatted, fucking coughing, letting this fucking child
predator look at me.
This is what I'm fucking focused on.
I'm killin' Mitchell, and I already put it in my mind--
It's done. [laughter]
So I done told two people.
I told two people,
Allamine--his name is Leslie Davis--
and Mustapha.
I don't know Mustapha's name, 'cause I was so terrified
of Mustapha, I never wanted to ask him his real name,
'cause then what happens?
Somebody bust him for something else in prison,
then I know is real name, then it's back on me.
Didn't want to know.
[laughter]
So I told Mustapha--Mustapha was like,
"Yeah, that was foul what Mitchell did."
Mustapha been here for 27 years--if I kill somebody,
I know he down. [laughter]
Allamine got 50 years, he ain't goin' nowhere.
I plan on spendin' the rest of my life
with Allamine and Mustapha-- [laughter]
'cause I'm gonna kill Mitchell. I already know this.
[laughter]
Don't know how,
but, like anything in my life,
somethin' is gonna break. This dude--I'm comin' from
eatin', this dude say, "Hey, 'Li."
I said, "What's up, man?"
He say, "You know Mitchell is working the 4 gate."
I said, "What?" Now my job in--in prison,
I haven't been happy about nothin' in a long time.
The man told me that he was working 4 gate,
I got fuckin' excited.
Let me tell you what 4 gate is.
4 gate is the gate to closed custody.
I live on 8 building.
You got to go to 4 building if you going to closed custody.
When you come around the corner in 4 building, it's, like,
you've got to come past the cafeteria,
and then it's the main building this way, and then it's this
little side hallway, and you can't see anybody
until you come around that corner.
And Mitchell was at a gate around that corner,
which is a good--he's not gonna make it if I get to him.
He's not gonna make it.
[laughter]
And then it's that gate, and then it's the gate to 4
building, so it's a long way to get to him,
then it's another long way to get to that door.
I got a plan.
I'ma just run and just fucking just try to get through that
gate and just stab Mitchell, but that's stupid; that's stupid.
So...
[laughter]
I go back to my cell,
and I'm sitting up trying to map out a plan on how
I can fucking kill this dude.
And then I hear, "Get ready to go to 4 building."
I look out my cell door--it's a dude that got in trouble,
now he's gettin' sent to 4 building.
He has this big, white bucket with all this shit in it,
and I say, "Hey, you going to 4 building?"
He say, "Yeah."
I say, "Let me carry your mattress for you."
He say, "Cool, I need some help."
I go upstairs, get my knife, put my--strap my shit on me,
boom--I got a big-ass mattress over my shoulder,
so you can't see my face. He's rollin' the bucket,
mattress over me, come around the building,
and I'm so fucking excited, 'cause I'm going to kill
Mitchell, and I'm gonna drink a sip of his blood,
'cause I fucking hate him that bad.
[laughter]
When they find me, I'ma be like, "Yeah," Mitchell on my...
I'm--I'm--oh, can't fucking wait.
Oh, I'm so violent. I can't wait.
So I got this knife, and I got this mattress,
and this dude--and man, this dude, he has no idea
what's gonna happen.
He's--he's accessory to this crime, and he is so unaware.
He's just rollin'--he rollin' his bucket talking about
his family, man.
"It's fucked up. My family ain't gonna get to visit me."
I'm like, "Good. Mine ain't either."
[laughter]
So we coming around the building.
We coming past the fucking chow hall,
and I'm just getting more and more excited,
'cause this is gonna be a good one.
Somebody apparently tells, 'cause Allamine's
looking for me, apparently.
He's like, "Yo, where Ali at?"
He said, "Ali, helped old boy move to 4 building."
And Mustapha--'cause I get this all--the backstory--
Mustapha said, "Yeah, he going to 4 building."
And Leslie--Allamine--say, "Hey, man, I think Mitchell on
4 building."
Mustapha say, "Mitchell on 4 building?
Man, let's go get this boy, 'cause he gonna kill Mitchell."
[laughter]
Now, and it's complicated, 'cause they got to get out
of 8 building first.
You got to get out of 8 building.
You got to get--bust out your part,
come out of 8 building.
I'm thinking I'm good.
I've got enough time to commit this murder
and hopefully get away with it after I sip his blood.
[laughter]
Boom.
So we coming around the corner.
The dude has the bucket.
He's going through.
Mitchell opens the gate.
And I'm like, yes, but he don't see me.
He can't see me, 'cause I have the mattress over my shoulder.
And as the bucket goes through the gate,
it's--the path is clear.
All I got to do is wait for that bucket to get out the way,
then Mitchell will be standing at the edge of that gate.
I can walk through my mattress
and just fuckin' start stabbing Mitchell uncontrollably.
[laughter]
This is what I'm thinking.
I got it planned out in my head.
I'm dead serious.
So I come--I'm right there and, as soon as I fuckin'
get to where I can see Mitchell, Allamine and Mustapha
come around the fuckin' hallway and say, "Ali!"
And I turn and look, and Mitchell sees me
and slams the gate
and tells me to put the mattress down.
He can take his own mattress.
"Put the mattress down."
And I'm standing there lookin' at him.
Say, "Hey, Mitch." And he just say,
"Put the mattress down."
I slid the mattress off of my shoulder, I say,
"You have a good day, Mitchell."
And just the fuckin' terror in his eyes...
[laughter]
And I know he shit on hisself just a little bit...
[laughter]
Was enough for me, and I just walked away real slow
and didn't break eye contact until I got to Allamine.
[laughter]
[dark electronic music]
♪