Hostage negotiators have one of the toughest jobs in the world they have to
talk crazy people out of very scary situations for example if someone's got
their wife and kids in their apartment and they have a weapon and won't come
down they have to talk them down you may wonder how do they do that well a
hostage negotiator has actually answered the questions we've always wanted to
know and he even says how we can use his tips and techniques to apply to our own
lives to get exactly what we want I'm Charlie and today we're going to look at
a hostage negotiator aren't his questions you've always wanted to know
but first let's make a negotiation subscribe and press the notification
bell to coming up first we have open-ended questions one thing every
crisis or hostage negotiator has to do is make the person open up and because
of this you do not want to ask the suspect yes or no questions if you ask
them open-ended questions which don't result in just yes or no answers they'll
open up a lot more for example if they're in a tough situation they may
say sounds like a tough deal tell me how it'll happen
this one is very good as it's not judgemental and shows an interest in the
person also the suspect will likely give them a bunch of information without much
probing but if you simply say do you have a weapon what kind is it
then this will be a very bad thing that's because it will give a one-word
answer and it also gives the impression that negotiator cares more about the
weapon than the person themselves a lot of the time people in these situations
are actually crying out for help a lot of the time they don't want to harm
anyone but just simply want some attention next stop is effective pauses
you may think you may not want to pause very much when you're talking to a
suspect but actually pausing is like a superpower to a hostage negotiator it
can be used for emphasis and also to encourage someone to keep talking for
example if you simply ask a question and then don't respond immediately they'll
give you a more detailed answer also if you're not going back and forth
constantly this can defuse things and make people get way less emotion
a meaningful dialogue will result in lots and lots of silences at the right
times negotiators are experts in using silence and you can use it yourself for
example if you say to someone where were you last night and they say out and then
you simply pause they'll give you more information that's because they won't
want to have an awkward pause and we'll fill that gap with more info next up is
minimal encourages in general conversation we do this all the time
these are brief statements or words to let someone know that you're listening
to them and for them to keep talking for example as someone's going through
what they're saying you can keep saying okay yeah I see saying these very subtle
things the person won't even really notice will encourage them to keep
talking but because you're encouraging them and letting them know to continue
this actually gives you more control over the situation a lot of the time
hostage negotiators simply want to bide time this allows the police to go in if
they have to or maybe just get the guy to calm down and come down on his own
accord so doing this and getting the guy to talk lots and lots and lots and
really Mull the situation over can diffuse the entire situation and resolve
the crisis coming up next we have mirroring mirroring refers to repeating
the last word or phrase said by the suspect this shows you're listening to
the suspect and are engaged they likely won't even notice on a conscious level
but they're sub-conscience well so just simply repeat the last word or two for
example if someone says they feel ignored annoyed you can say so you feel
ignored and annoyed huh this simple thing lets them know you really care and
will get them to open up a lot more and obviously you can use this in day-to-day
life if you want someone to really open up to you next up we have paraphrasing
paraphrasing is literally where negotiators will repeat what the
suspects said to them back to them in their own words this shows that you do
understand them and are engaging with their situation it shows that you're
giving them a ton of sympathy but because you're paraphrasing and putting
it into your own words this means you're not just parroting what they said
back to there otherwise they may realize this and get annoyed and realize they're
just using a technique to mess with their mind one FBI negotiator named
Chris force said this is kind of like a discovery process for both sides the
negotiator is trying to discover what's important to the suspect and also
because you're saying it back to them they're also discovering what makes
sense to them and what doesn't make sense this allows the suspects really
Mull it over and not get overwhelmed with emotion and they may come to their
senses and calm down and surrender on their own accord next up we have
emotional labeling emotional labeling is basically giving someone's feelings a
name this shows that you're identifying with how they feel and are sympathetic
and maybe even empathetic one important thing to remember it's not to comment on
the fidelity of their feelings their feelings that may be completely wrong
unhinged and crazy but you have to show them that you understand because if you
simply say you're crazy that's not gonna help at all for example you could say I
understand how you feel and that really doesn't seem fair this is a very
non-judgmental way to do things non professionals may say you don't need
to feel that way it's not such a big deal but this is bad because it's
judgemental and tells the person that they're overreacting and a crazy even if
that's true you don't want to say that to them so instead empathize with them
and label their emotions next up is active listening active listening is one
of the key ingredients to any hostage negotiation and there's actually four
basics of active listening number one is listen to what they're
saying don't interrupt disagree or evaluate number two is make sure to note
your head and make brief acknowledgement for example saying yeah and a her number
three is repeat the gist of what they're saying back to them in their own words
and number four is inquire ask questions and show that you've been paying
attention and really do care about the suspect another key ingredient is
empathy empathy shows you have an understanding of where they're coming
from and how they feel sometimes this can be difficult as the person may be
crazy or unhinged but hostage negotiators are professional
number three is rapport even if you can empathize with them on an emotional
level you have to have a great rapport this is where you say their feelings
back to them and this will get them to trust you a lot another key ingredient
is influence for example now that someone trusts you you can then work on
the problem solving aspect and then recommend a course of action for example
you may say to solve this problem the best thing to do would be to throw the
weapon out of the window or maybe say come downstairs and let's talk and have
a coffee but before you do any of this you have to build up trust otherwise
they may sell themself off and not even want to talk and number five is making
sure you get some kind of behavioral change remember you can listen to the
person and have a great rapport and empathize with them all you want but
really the number one thing a hostage negotiator is trying to do is get some
kind of behavioral change people are not puppets so you need to use psychology to
change their behavior for example if you want someone to come out with the hands
up you can't just say that or force them to do so so hostage negotiators will
spend years or maybe even decades perfecting all of these ingredients to
get behavioral change from suspects but now it's time to make your guy's opinion
hurt would you ever want to become a professional hostage negotiator float in
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