Pop Quiz: Who’s the whitest prophet in history?
You’re probably thinking, “Joseph Smith, founder of Mormonism,” right?
What if I told you there’s a prophet out there who’s so white, he makes Joseph Smith
look like Malcolm X?
He’s so white, he makes a bowl of vanilla ice cream yell, “Get him out of here; he’s
blinding me!”
He’s so white, his nine-year-old child-bride didn’t need a night light.
What if I also told you that this pale, pasty-white prophet had black slaves and referred to Ethiopians
as “raisin heads”?
Would you call him a racist, or would you give him yet another free pass because our
expectations automatically drop to the floor whenever we discuss the prophet of Islam?
Many people who haven’t read the Muslim sources assume that Muhammad was dark-skinned.
But Arabs are classified as Caucasians, and they can exhibit a variety of shades and tones.
So if we want to know what Muhammad looked like, we’ll have to go through some of the
descriptions of his appearance found in the Hadith.
Now, if Muhammad were sitting in a crowd of his fellow Arabs, how would we spot him?
Sahih al-Bukhari, Number 63:
Narrated Anas bin Malik: While we were sitting with the Prophet in the mosque, a man came
riding on a camel.
He made his camel kneel down in the mosque, tied its foreleg and then said: “Who amongst
you is Muhammad?”
At that time the Prophet was sitting amongst us leaning on his arm.
We replied, “This white man reclining on his arm.”
“Hey, which one of you is Muhammad?”
“This white, Tom Willis-looking white guy leaning on his white arm.
That’s who.”
But let’s keep reading . . . about a prophet who makes the Brady Bunch look like N.W.A.
Sahih Muslim 6081:
It was narrated that Abu Juhaifah said: “I saw the Messenger of Allah with a white complexion
and some white hairs.”
White complexion with white hairs.
Who knew that Anderson Cooper was a seventh-century prophet?
Sahih Muslim 6071:
It was narrated from Al-Jurairi from Abu At-Tufail: “I said to him: ‘Did you see the Messenger
of Allah?’
He said: ‘Yes, he was white with an elegant face.’”
This guy’s so white, he makes Queen Elizabeth look like Queen Latifah.
And the Muslim sources go out of their way to remind us how white Muhammad was.
They tell us about the “whiteness of his shins,” and the “whiteness of his thigh,”
and the “whiteness of his leg,” and the “whiteness of his stomach,” and the “whiteness
of his forearms,” and the “whiteness of his armpits,” and the “whiteness of his
cheeks.”
Based on these descriptions, a friend of mine who’s a police sketch artist was able to
put together a drawing of Muhammad.
Have you seen this man?
He kind of blends in with the whiteness of the paper.
On a side note, to all my jihadi viewers, I can’t figure out if this counts as a cartoon
of Muhammad or not.
But I don’t really care!
So Muhammad was whiter than a bowl of Cool Whip.
But when he wasn’t busy being scooped onto a slice of apple pie, he was setting an example
for his followers by keeping a tight rein on all his black slaves.
Sahih al-Bukhari 7263:
Narrated Umar: I went to (the house of the Prophet) and behold, Allah’s Messenger was
staying in a Mashruba and a black slave of Allah’s Messenger was at the top of its
stairs.
I said to him, “Tell (the Prophet) that here is Umar bin al-Khattab.”
Then he admitted me.
Sahih al-Bukhari 6161:
Narrated Anas bin Malik: Allah’s Messenger was on a journey and he had a black slave
called Anjasha, and he was driving the camels (very fast, and there were women riding on
those camels).
Allah’s Messenger said, “Waihaka, O Anjasha!
Drive slowly the camels with the glass vessels (i.e., the women)!”
Here’s one about a black slave who was shot to death while unloading Muhammad’s luggage.
Sunan an-Nasai 3858:
It was narrated that Abu Hurairah said: “We were with the Messenger of Allah in the year
of Khaibar, and we did not get any spoils of war except for wealth, goods, and clothes.
Then a man from Banu Ad-Dubaib, who was called Rifa’ah bin Zaid, gave the Messenger of
Allah a black slave who was called Mid’am.
The Messenger of Allah set out for Wadi al-Qura.
When we were in Wadi al-Qura, while Mid’am was unloading the luggage of the Messenger
of Allah, an arrow came and killed him.
The people said: ‘Congratulations!
You will go to Paradise,’ but the Messenger of Allah said: ‘No, by the One in Whose
hand is my soul!
The cloak that he took from the spoils of war on the day of Khaibar is burning him with
fire.’”
Just to clarify, Muhammad had sex with a nine-year-old girl, robbed caravans, and beheaded hundreds
of Jews, but he’s good.
His black slave, by contrast, grabbed a cloak before the spoils were divided, so he’s
headed to hell.
Welcome to Islam.
In “Provisions of the Afterlife,” pages 30-31, Ibn Qayyim Al-Jawziyya lists 28 of
Muhammad’s male slaves and 12 of his female slaves.
Some of these slaves were black, some were not.
Muhammad renamed one of his black slaves “Safina,” which means “Ship.”
He called his slave “Ship” because he would load up the slave like a ship and make
him carry everything.
Muhammad apparently thought that black slaves were worth less than Arab slaves, since he
once traded two of his black slaves for an Arab slave he wanted to set free because the
Arab slave had converted to Islam.
We know that Muhammad had sex with his female slaves, because he eventually got one of them
pregnant.
But don’t worry.
A white leader getting a slave-girl pregnant is only creepy when Thomas Jefferson does
it.
Speaking of leaders, mindlessly obeying Muslim leaders was so important to Muhammad that
when he wanted to emphasize obedience, he told his followers that they had to obey even
the worst leader imaginable.
We find Muhammad’s worst-case scenario in Sahih al-Bukhari 7142:
Narrated Anas bin Malik: Allah’s Messenger said, “You should listen to and obey your
Imam even if he was an Ethiopian slave whose head looks like a raisin.”
Muhammad gives a similar example in Sahih Muslim 3138, where he commands his followers
to obey their leader, even if he’s a black slave with missing limbs.
So, the worst possible leader of a community of Muslims, according to Muhammad, would be
a black slave.
For the sake of clarity, I should point out that women are excluded from the hierarchy
of possible leaders.
Muhammad said that a nation will never be successful with a woman as a leader.
But it gets worse.
Muhammad tells his followers what Satan looks like in Ibn Ishaq, p. 243.
The apostle said, “Whoever wants to see Satan let him take a look at Nabtal ibn al-Harith!”
He was a sturdy black man with long flowing hair, inflamed eyes, and dark ruddy cheeks.
“Which one of you is the Prophet?”
“This white guy.”
“What does Satan look like?”
“That black guy.”
Now how did a religion that was inaugurated by a white prophet who had black slaves and
referred to Ethiopians as “raisin heads” and said that Satan looks like a black man
ever get the reputation it has among African-American Muslims today?
Well, here in the West, there’s a general atmosphere of ignorance about Islam.
People don’t know even the most basic facts about Muhammad and the Qur’an.
And this allows Muslim preachers to say whatever they want about Islam, because no one’s
going to correct them.
So if a Muslim preacher is talking to a woman who’s interested in women’s rights, “Muhammad
was a champion of women’s rights!”
If he’s talking to someone who has a high regard for science, “The Qur’an is a scientific
masterpiece, filled with miraculous scientific insights that were only verified centuries
later!”
If he’s talking to someone who’s concerned about racial justice, “Islam is the religion
that liberates slaves and establishes racial equality!”
Absolute nonsense.
But people convert to Islam because they believe what they’re told and don’t bother reading
the Muslim sources to see if the preacher’s story checks out.
Now to those of you who’ve bought this mess, to those of you who believed the Muslim preacher
when he said, “Hey, if you really want to stick it to whitey, you need to convert to
Islam—the religion of a white man who bought, sold, and traded African slaves, and whose
followers institutionalized black African slavery centuries before Europeans joined
in, and who continue enslaving black Africans even today . . . If you fell for this . . .
I say and I say it again, you been had.
You been took.
You been hoodwinked.
Bamboozled.
Led astray.
Run amok.
This is what these white prophets with black slaves do.
But now that you’ve seen what the Muslim sources say, now that you know you’ve been
deceived, you have a choice.
You can either leave Islam, or you can continue serving a man whose descriptions in your most
trusted sources make him completely indistinguishable from the Pillsbury Doughboy and whose teachings
legitimized race-based slavery for fourteen centuries.
Just remember that if you continue honoring a slave trader who’s about as dark as the
cream filling of a Twinkie and who had black slaves and called Ethiopians “raisin heads”
and said that Satan looks like a black man, you’re not a freedom fighter, or a social
justice warrior, or a champion of civil rights.
You are the ultimate Uncle Tom.
And in case you’d like to know how seriously they take Muhammad’s whiteness in the Muslim
world, I’ll leave you with a quotation from Ash-Shifa, one of Islam’s most popular and
respected books on Muhammad’s life and teachings.
Ahmad ibn Sulayman, Sahnun’s companion, said that whoever says that the Prophet was
black is killed.
The Prophet was not black.
Calling Muhammad a black man was a death penalty.