are you intimidating you have a strong personality you take charge and speak
your mind get things done and everyone loves you for it
or do they after all there can sometimes be a fine line between being assertive
and being aggressive what you might consider take charge no-nonsense
attitude others might think of as being unnecessarily forceful intimidating or
even bullying behavior how can you identify whether or not your personality
is intimidating to others and what can you do to get it under control before we
continue subscribe to our channel and ring the notification bell that way
you'll always be up to date on our daily videos what should you do when you
suspect your attitude or behavior might be intimidating to others
niccolò machiavelli famously wrote that if faced with a choice it's better to be
feared than loved but chances are he wasn't thinking about an office
workplace or a circle of friends when he wrote that nobody wants to be seen as an
intimidating bully and while there is a sense of power that comes with knowing
other people are scared of you getting what you want through imitation and fear
is ultimately toxic behavior that is likely to push others away from you and
cultivate a reputation for being an unpleasant person to be around and of
course there is a big divide between people who are intentionally
intimidating towards others and people who are intimidating without realizing
it in an article for Psychology Today psychiatrist grant Hilary Brenner writes
on the concept of inadvertent intimidation or people who are
intimidating without being consciously aware of or realizing it Brenner
describes inadvertent intimidation as being an unrecognized division within
oneself in which two sides of your personality are contrasting without
being fully aware of each other sort of like a modern-day dr. Jekyll and mr.
Hyde after all most people don't intentionally go out of their way
to intimidate others so chances are you probably don't think of yourself as an
intimidating person when this is the case it can be a rude awakening to find
out that other people are intimidated by us and can even cause us to double down
on the traits that make us intimidating in the first place as a defense
mechanism so what can you do if you're starting to suspect your behavior is
having an intimidating effect on others well for starters you can recognize and
pay attention to the ways in which people might give off an intimidating
vibe without meaning to if you recognize yourself as doing any of these things on
a daily basis then chances are you probably have more than just a strong
personality to begin brenner rights that people who are unintentionally
intimidating often hide aspects of themselves from others you might present
yourself differently in public than the way you behave in private covering up
your weaknesses and vulnerabilities behind your public persona when you do
this it can give off the impression that you're invincible but at the same time
your peers and colleagues might instead view you as someone who is overly
secretive or disingenuous it can be hard to feel comfortable around someone who
seems to be consistently putting up walls around themselves and when we
consistently try to mask our personality traits people can usually tell that
something's off in these situations someone who wants to
appear less intimidating should strive to not close off their personality
traits from others quite so forcefully and try to let people see themselves for
who they really are rather than hiding behind a facade in other cases people
can often come across as unintentionally intimidating due to their sense of humor
being smart funny or clever are all admirable personality traits but pay
close attention to how you use them do you often find yourself making hurtful
or cutting remarks to others and if they get upset you feel the need to remind
them that it's just a joke do you use your wit as a means of shutting people
down or do you treat all conversations as a game that you need to win by
proving your intelligence to a person you're speaking to all of these
represent manipulative and bullying behavior and can often be damaging to a
person's ability to take part in real communication with
others if people are always expecting you to make some snappy comeback or
bring-down remark in response to whatever they have to say chances are
they probably won't be going out of their way to talk to you using your
intellect or sense of humor to constantly put others down doesn't make
you the resident comedian of your workplace it just makes you a jerk
people who unintentionally give off an intimidating personality are often
competitive individuals sometimes to a degree that others find frustrating
while a competitive nature can give you an edge in some situations trying to
make everything into a contest that you need to win is going to discourage
people from wanting to engage with you in social settings are you the person in
your friend group who constantly needs to one-up everyone else in the
conversation if one of your friends is telling you about his trip in Florida
last winter do you feel the urge to butt in and interrupt him by telling your own
story about the time you visited Machu Picchu and what an amazing experience it
was and how nothing will ever be as good as what that place had to offer if that
sounds like you have some bad news trying to build yourself up at the
expense of others doesn't make you seem impressive it makes you seem annoying
and insecure Brenner writes that sometimes our own
insecurities can make us emotionally stingy without realizing it which can
lead to isolation due to an over competitive nature and lack of emotional
generosity for others while a competitive attitude can help make you
more assertive and ambitious learn when to draw the line sometimes the situation
calls for competition to take a backseat to collaboration and sometimes people
want to share their experiences without turning it into a contest of course a
lot of this might feel like it's coming across as harsh in another article for
Psychology Today Brenner also wrote about the fact that
people finding you intimidating isn't always your fault
and sometimes the reason someone might be put off by you are slightly more out
of your control sometimes people might be intimidated by you not because of
your behavior but because of their own personal biases insecurities or past
experiences with others that cause them to unfairly color their perception
of you as a person in these cases the ability to self reflect and evaluate
seems especially important if someone unfairly accuses you of having an
intimidating personality that's not the kind of thing you probably want to take
to heart lest you start to believe it yourself as well with all the different
personality types in the world it can be easy to see how different personality
traits may clash against each other on occasion and in a work environment that
encourages ambitious strong-willed people it can be easy for some to feel
the need to build themselves up even if that leads to them breaking others down
as a result and while there's nothing inherently wrong with having an
assertive or strong personality we should always stay mindful of when we
run the risk of pushing things too far when our over-competitive
or belittling nature is at risk of damaging our ability to form meaningful
connections and relationships with others and makes us come across as
little more than schoolyard bullies in many situations even people who aren't
being intentionally intimidating can still inadvertently put others off
through their words and actions either out of insecurity or simply through not
knowing any better if we wish to create professional and social situations in
which all participants feel safe valued and respected we need to recognize the
ways in which we interact with each other as well as with ourselves how do
you feel about the subject of people with intimidating personalities do you
agree with Brenner's articles or do you have a stance on the topic that is
entirely different whatever the case let us know in the
comments section below in order to keep the conversation going and as always
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