-Yeah! Nick, oh, my gosh.
It is great to see you, buddy.
Thank you so much for being here.
Where -- where are you Zooming from right now?
-Hello, Jimmy, thank you for having me.
I'm coming at you from the farm
where we shoot our show, "Making It,"
the crafting competition show...
-Of course. -...on NBC.
-You're back to work, oh, that's great.
How does it feel? Is it weird? Is it safe? Is it good?
What does it feel like?
-It feels like the end of a really good movie
that, like, where normal humans would cry,
and I even well up a bit. -[ Laughing ]
-No. -It feels so good,
because I've spent all this time
feeling like I wasn't of any use to anybody.
-Yeah.
-So I'm a farm animal.
Like, if you put me to work in the field
and then I feel good,
and then I can have my carrot and my apple
at the end of the day, by which I mean my scotch.
-[ Laughs ]
But this is -- so you're there with Amy
and all the contestants and the crew and everything?
Is it --
-Somebody way smarter than me,
one of our producers, I guess they consulted
the science or, like, what the doctors are saying.
And so, they've put everybody in masks and face shields,
and they've, what do they -- they call them protocols.
We adhere to these protocols.
-Yeah. -Social distancing.
All these newfangled, like, trends.
-And they work. -And so you look around,
we're shooting this show and everybody's is in a mask,
and they're complying with these, like,
"science ideas." -Wow.
-And we're able to produce our show successfully.
No one is catching the coronavirus.
-Wow. -So, I wish that --
I mean, I don't know how they figured this out,
but I wish there was a way to communicate this to, like,
the country or, like, our government or something.
Because I feel like if they found out about it,
they would tell everybody, and they'd be like,
"Hey, everybody, if you follow these, like, science ideas,
you can go to work and be safe and not die,
all that [bleep]." -Yeah.
-Here's the thing, when I look around and see
all of us being safe, the idea that hasn't been
fully disseminated is,
when you wear the protective equipment,
it's not to protect yourself,
it's to protect the others around you
in case you have it, which you might.
And so, when I see everybody doing this,
I take it as a sign of affection.
It's me and my neighbors and my co-workers,
and no one asks what our political beliefs are.
We just see each other working together and say, "I love you,
and thank you for loving me.
We can do our job. We can earn our money.
We can feed our families." -That's right.
-In my case, my wife and I can use our Japanese sex swing.
We can afford meals. Keep our energy up.
Have marathon sessions. -[ Laughs ]
-We can buy Vaseline when we get chafed.
-Alright, yeah, yeah, we get the point.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely.
Nick Offerman, you found a way to help
and entertain people at the same time.
Because you've made all of your comedy specials available
now on your website, with the proceeds going to charity.
I think that's an awesome move.
And was it the quarantine that inspired you to do this,
or what...
-No, it's sort of --
it's not anything that I should be proud of.
Like, I've been touring as a humorist for some years,
so I have -- this audiobook is my fourth special.
My first three specials -- I'm terrible at promoting them,
and so, it took me a long time,
and seven's and 10's of people were asking me,
"Where can I see your specials?"
So I finally succeeded, after literally years,
of getting them on a website that people can see,
but I'm so late that some -- some nefarious criminal
has already secured nickofferman.com.
So, I -- I have acquired
nickofferman.co.
So one letter short. -So nickofferman.co.
-Nickofferman.co. -So no "M."
-I couldn't not afford the "M." -Understood.
-The thing is, the timing was such that
right when the website was ready to launch,
the pandemic hit, and everybody was in trouble.
-Yeah. -People are out of work,
you know, the whole country, the whole world is suffering.
And I said, "Well, jeez, now what do I do?
It's not great timing to be like, you guys,
I'm sorry about everybody in the hospital and stuff,
but check out my crazy jackass comedy specials."
And so I just thought, you know what?
At least 37 people have said they wanted to see this.
So, for those people, I'm going to put this up.
But all the proceeds -- it costs a few bucks to see my special,
and all the profits go to America's Food Fund.
So, I was like, okay... -[ Clapping ]
-Get these 37 people with questionable taste,
I will take their money. -I love that.
-And we will buy sandwiches for at least 11 people.
-That's awesome that you did that, buddy.
I think that's cool.
I want to talk about "All Rise."
This is -- first of all, who did the drawing and the cartoon?
-My friend Matt Davies.
He's a Pulitzer Prize-winning political cartoonist
who works for the publication "Newsday."
-Yeah. -So funny.
-This was the live show that you were going to tour with?
-It is. Yeah.
And I toured a bunch of America with it last year,
and also Australia and New Zealand,
and my cool publisher called Dutton...
-Okay.
...under the auspices of Penguin Random House.
They came and saw me at The Beacon
on the Upper West side and they said,
"Hey, what if we turn this into like an audiobook original."
So, it's like a humor show.
It's like me reading my essays and performing my dumb songs.
One of them is very poignant right now,
about Brett Kavanaugh, called "I Like Beer."
-Oh.
-And, the, you know, the Supreme Court justices
and their legitimacy or lack thereof
has been in the news recently. -Sure.
-So, you know, I thought it was --
it's a great opportunity to celebrate that guy
and how much he loves beer.
-Here's my one question for Nick Offerman.
If we listen to this,
what are we missing of seeing you live?
Like, what would you -- are we missing out on anything?
-That's a great question, Jimmy.
I mean, obviously, you're going to get
the soothing sounds of like Brian Eno,
"Music For Airport,"
if they were a hirsute baritone
coming into your ears,
and that will put you to sleep, which is great.
We all need to get some rest.
-Mm-hmm. -That's wonderful.
But, what you are missing is the rest of your senses.
Think about it. -That's true.
-You're not going to see me dance and, like,
just subtly move my hips in that way that drives everybody crazy.
You know what I'm talking about. But also, there are some --
there are some stopgap measures you can pursue.
Like, if you are going to listen to this,
get yourself a nice tray of charcuterie,
maybe some sliced up -- some smoked applewood cheddar,
and then have a single malt scotch
from the island of Islay, and just waft those things
under your nose. -All together.
And if you -- if you live in an area --
most of the upper Midwest, where the soil is
particularly loamy,
get a bowl of that soil, throw it in the microwave
for about 90 seconds,
and then just these aromas will help recreate
the fecund musk that I tend to fill a theater with
when I'm dancing about the stage.
-That is perfect. I will do that this weekend.
-If you dig fertility, you're gonna love my scent.
[ Laughter ]
-Everyone go listen and experience
Nick's audiobook "All Rise."
Nick Offerman, thank you so much for being here.
Be safe, say hi to your wife, please, and give her my love
and say hi to Amy too, please.
-I will. Thank you, Jimmy. It's great to see you.
And you know what, can I say one more thing real quick?
-Please, yep.
-I feel like we're a few days away
from a presidential election,
in case the audience hasn't heard,
and the only people --
I think most people are probably pretty decided.
But when I was young and I was ambivalent
and was, like, too cool to worry about what was going on
with who I would vote for,
if there's anybody like that listening,
I just want to make you think for one second.
What could be more punk?
If you're, like, cynical and "who cares who gets elected?"
What could be more punk than going out and voting?
-I love that. Nick Offerman, everybody.
"All Rise" is available now.