IT'S TIME TO PLAY "BAD SANTA."
"BAD SANTA."
THE REAL SANTA CLAUS IS THE MAGICAL PATRIARCH OF CHRISTMAS
WHO LIVES IN THE NORTH POLE AND MAKES DREAMS COME TRUE.
BUT MOST PEOPLE WILL GO THEIR WHOLE LIVES WITHOUT EVER SEEING.
HIM.
THE SANTAS YOU'RE FAR MORE LIKELY TO ENCOUNTER ARE
OVERWEIGHT VAGRANTS WHOSE PISS-STAINED LAP YOU ONLY LET
YOUR KIDS SIT ON ONE MONTH A YEAR.
SO COMEDIANS, I'M ABOUT TO SHOW YOU SOME FOOTAGE WE FOUND OF BAD
SANTAS, AND FOR 250 POINTS I WANT YOU GUYS TO ANSWERS SOME
QUESTIONS THAT THESE VIDEOS RAISE.
VERY IMPORTANT SOCIOLOGICAL EXPERIENCE.
FIRST UP, THIS CLUMSY CLAUS.
[LAUGHING] >> Chris: SO THE QUESTION IS
WHAT DOES HE WANT FOR CHRISTMAS, RANDY.
>> RECTAL RECONSTRUCTION SURGERY.
>> TO BE FAIR THAT'S WHAT HE WANTED BEFORE THE ACCIDENT.
>> Chris: THIS MAKES IT MORE OF A PRIORITY.
CHRIS.
>> PLACE TO HIDE HIS WHISKEY THAT ISN'T AN ICY RAIN GUTTER.
[LAUGHING] >> Chris: POINTS.
NEXT UP.
THIS SANTA DOESN'T KNOW WHEN TO SHUT HIS [BEEP] MOUTH.
>> WHEN I WAS SIX YEARS OLD, IF YOU'RE THE REAL SANTA WHAT DID I
ASK FOR?
A BARBIE DOLL AND TIDDLYWINKS >> I GOT A CHRISTMAS PRESENT FOR
YOU MYSELF.
[LAUGHING] >> Chris: NOT REALLY SURE WHO
THAT APPEALS TOO.
[LAUGHING] >> CHRIS: THE REAL SANTA LIVES
IN THE NORTH POLE, WHERE DOES THIS SANTA LIVE?
>> I THINK IT'S PRETTY OBVIOUS, FLORIDA.
RIGHT.
>> I GUESS -- Chris: RANDY.
>> AT THE RITZ CARLTON IN THE NUTCRACKER SUITE.
COME ON.
>> Chris: WELL DONE.
THINK ABOUT IT, RANDY.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] >> THANK YOU.
>> THANK YOU.
>> DEFINITELY DESERVES A LITTLE EXTRA --
>> I DIDN'T KNOW WE WERE ALLOWED TO TAKE VICTORY LAPS.
I DID NOT.
>> I WAS TOLD TO STAND HERE.
Chris: I MEAN AFTER A COMEDY TOUCHDOWN LIKE THAT IT'S OKAY.
>> FAIR ENOUGH.
>> AFTER THIS I'M GOING TO DO THE WORM.
>> Chris: OH MY GOSH.
YOU KNOW HOW TO DO THE WORM?
>> OH, BOTH DIRECTIONS.
Chris: CHRIS FAIRBANKS I WILL GIVE YOU TWO HUNDRED POINTS IF
DO YOU THE WORM.
>> GET DOWN.
DO IT.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] >> OH MY GOD.
YES!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] >> YES.
YES.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] >> GO, GO, GO.
>> RANDY IF IT'S ANY CONSOLATION I THINK I BLEW OUT
BOTH KNEES.
>> CHRIS: NEXT UP, IT'S OL' SAINT DICK.
(YELLING AND LAUGHING) >> Chris: I REALLY HOPE THAT'S
NOT THAT GUY'S FAMILY.
WHAT DID YOU SEE SANTA DO TO MOMMY UNDER THE MISTLETOE LAST
NIGHT.
RANDY.
>> A LOT OF PEOPLE DON'T KNOW THIS.
SANTA DOESN'T GO DOWN THE CHIMNEY HE COMES IN THE BACK
DOOR.
>> Chris: POINTS.
>> YEP.
Chris: APRIL.
>> IT'S THE SANTA CLAUS TWO.
THAT'S WHEN YOUR MOM GETS DOUBLE TEAMED BY SANTA AND TIM ALLEN.
>> UUUUGH!
>> A POPULAR MOVIE.