- Hey, thanks for meeting on such short notice.
- As your Realtor, I am always here for you.
- You know, we've been thinking about a move
after you know, staring at the same walls for a year.
- Uh-huh.
- I saw a house that went on the market down the street.
- Mhmm?
- I think we want to take a look at it.
- Cool, the seller wants all the offers by 3 p.m. today.
- Are you sure? That's in 20 minutes.
- Plenty of time.
- I don't know if I can buy a house
I've never been inside.
- Let's see, okay.
I can get you a four minute virtual showing
starting in the next-
- A virtual showing?
- Yeah, sellers don't really need
to let people in their houses anymore.
- Oh, oh because of COVID.
- Sure, yeah.
- Hmm? - That's it.
- That's a lot of money for just seeing a couple
exterior photos and a floor plan.
- Wow.
- I know, right?
- No, did you say floor plan?
- Yeah, floor plan. - That's really generous
of them to include a floor plan.
- Generous?
- You should be so grateful.
Okay, a lot of sellers are accepting over asking.
- Over asking? What is that?
- Bidding above the sale price.
- We used to bid like, 50 grand below the sale price.
- Oh, those days are long gone.
So, what are you comfortable with?
- Maybe $5,000 over asking?
- More.
- Seven?
(clicking teeth)
What? 10?
- Is that the best we can do?
- But I haven't even seen it.
- You know what, my friend is the listing agent.
Let me call him and feel him out.
- Okay, cool, thanks.
- Hey, yeah, I'm so sorry to bother you
with another interested buyer, I know.
I just texted you the price they're thinking.
I know, I'm so sorry, I know, it's so low.
I'm sorry.
Okay great, I'll let her know!
- What did he say?
- They have 72 offers
and the lowest is $50,000 over asking.
- $50,000? Are you kidding me?
- He did say this is an emotional move for them
so maybe a letter could help you.
- A letter?
- Just like, a little love note
about how much you love their home
and how honored you'd be if they chose you.
- I have to write a cover letter for a house?
Like a resume?
- We can get creative, like a poem or a haiku
or oh, oh, get your husband to write a parody for them.
- So a song to the house?
- Yes, like,
♪ We want to buy your house ♪
But you know what, you can't say anything
about your kids or your background or your life
or anything too personal.
But make it really creative
and tug at them emotionally.
- I'm so confused right now.
- Okay, I've got all the additional terms.
- Lay it on me, nothing's gonna surprise me right now.
- You pay for all the closing costs.
- No way. - They take all
the appliances. - What?
- And the light fixtures.
- That's a thing?
- And the hardwoods, they're reclaimed
so they're just reclaiming them.
- So no lights or floors.
- And you just have to agree to pay
for their move across town.
- Their move across town?
No, this is insane.
- Or, the first semester of their daughter's college tuition
your choice.
- This is honestly nuts, no.
- Oh, they also want your dog.
- How do they know we have a dog?
- I'm not at liberty to say.
- Listen, we were just thinking about a move.
- No thinking, just buying.
- We thought we'd take the weekend
and just like, shop around.
- Oh, if you could move out by Thursday
I have an all cash offer for your house.
- Wait what, my house?
- Are you good with this?
- There is no way, oh.
Nope, no, no, no.
Maybe we just remodel.
- Contractors are so backed up right now.
- Really?
- Oh look, a new listing.
- That is on the highway.
- But it has lights and floors.
- And appliances?
- We can negotiate, nope, no we can't.
Missed it, it's gone.
The buyers are giving them a boat and a pony.
- A pony?
No, that house is literally sitting
on top of the highway.
- I know, we missed a good one.
- And scene.
We love our Realtor friends.
I have several friends who are Realtors
and it is a joke.
I did, maybe we'll just like, I don't know
interest rates are good, let's shop around.
Looking for something different, no.
No, I don't have a pony to offer anybody.
Or a house boat that I can trade, nothing.
So we'll be into this house
until we leave in a pine box apparently.
So, anyway, if you're looking for a house right now
good luck with that haiku you have to write
to the owners.
And if you're selling your house
have fun on your new boat
with all your ponies and puppies.
Generous?
- [Penn] Little lower babe.
- Generous? Generous?
- [Penn] I mean not...
- Generous.
- [Penn] That was good though.
- [Penn] Otherwise you were like, generous!
- Generous?
Generous.
(Producer laughing)
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