JOYCE: CAN I HAVE MY BAG?
BEFORE I TELL YOU THIS STORY, I WANT TO TELL YOU THAT MY HUSBAND
IS THE MOST WONDERFUL HUSBAND.
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
JOYCE: I MEAN, DAVE REALLY IS, HE'S GREAT.
THE OTHER NIGHT, YOU KNOW, I DID THE--I HOSTED THE TBN SHOW
AND HOW MANY OF YOU SAW THAT, MAYBE?
ANYBODY HERE SEE THAT?
OKAY, WELL, YOU KNOW, DAVE, THE WHOLE TIME I'M THERE,
HE'S SITTING OVER HERE ON THE SIDELINES FOR TWO HOURS,
HE SAT THERE AND LISTENED TO ME.
AND I JUST THOUGHT LATER, I MEAN, THIS GUY HAS SPENT
32 YEARS LISTENING TO ME--
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
JOYCE: TEACH AND PREACH.
AND THE THING THAT'S AMAZING IS HE'S ALWAYS ENGAGED, HE ALWAYS
LISTENS, HE ALWAYS APPEARS TO BE INTERESTED.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
JOYCE: I MEAN, HE REALLY DOES.
AND HE NEVER COMPLAINS ABOUT IT, HE NEVER GETS TIRED OF IT.
I MEAN, I'VE TOLD HIM TIMES, YOU KNOW, YOU DON'T HAVE TO GO.
"OH, NO, I'M GOING."
SO, HE DOES SO MANY THINGS RIGHT AND HE TAKES GOOD CARE
OF HIMSELF, HE'S GOOD LOOKIN', HE'S EASY TO GET ALONG
WITH, BUT--
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
JOYCE: HE IS NOT MUCH OF A GIFT-BUYER.
AND, YOU KNOW, WE--AS--WE ALWAYS HAVE A TENDENCY TO GO
WITH THE BUT, YOU KNOW?
LIKE, "OH, I KNOW, BUT I JUST WISH HE'D BUY ME GIFTS."
SO, I'VE DONE THAT WHOLE THING, YOU KNOW, IT WOULD MEAN A LOT
TO ME AND BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, YOU KNOW, WOMEN LIKE THAT
AND, YOU KNOW, SURPRISE ME ONCE IN A WHILE.
WELL, YOU KNOW, HE JUST DON'T DO IT.
SO, I GOT MAD, I GOT SAD, I GOT DEPRESSED, I CRIED.
I FINALLY DECIDED TO LET MY SOUL GO ON VACATION.
SO, WE RECENTLY HAD VALENTINES DAY.
NOW, I HINTED TWO WEEKS AHEAD OF TIME.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
JOYCE: "YEP, VALENTINES DAY IS COMIN' UP, I CAN HARDLY WAIT
TO SEE WHAT YOU GET ME."
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
JOYCE: AND I EVEN HEARD ONE OF MY KIDS SAY, "NOW, DAD, DON'T
FORGET, IT'S VALENTINES DAY."
AND, I MEAN, MY ONE SON, HE PLANS AND HE HAS THIS LIMOUSINE
COME AND PICK HIM AND HIS WIFE UP AND THEY GO OUT, YOU KNOW,
AND I'M THINKIN', "OH..."
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
JOYCE: COME ON, HOW MANY OF YOU ARE WITH ME?
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKIN' ABOUT?
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
JOYCE: BUT I'M TRYING NOT TO COVET HER LIMOUSINE
AND, YOU KNOW.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
JOYCE: SO, WE WERE OVER IN ANOTHER PART OF FLORIDA
EARLIER THIS WEEK DOING A MISSIONS CONFERENCE
AND THE TBN, PREACHING AT A CHURCH THERE
AND SO ON AND SO FORTH, AND WE WERE THERE ON VALENTINES DAY.
AND--
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
JOYCE: MY SON--
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
JOYCE: MY SON AND DAVE PLAYED GOLF ON VALENTINES DAY.
AND SO THEY MET US ABOUT 2:30 IN THE AFTERNOON
AND I SAW MY SON GET OUT OF THE CAR AND HE HAD
THIS BEAUTIFUL RED, SHINY BAG AND HAD ALL KINDS
OF PRETTY THINGS IN IT AND I'M THINKIN'--THAT'S SHELLY,
MY DAUGHTER-IN-LAW, DAVID HAS GOT HER--THAT'S
MY SON'S NAME TOO, DAVID.
HE'S GOT HER VALENTINE'S GIFT, AND I'M THINKIN', "DAVE BETTER
HAVE GOTTEN ME SOMETHIN'."
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
JOYCE: SO DAVE GETS OUT OF THE CAR--
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
JOYCE: WITH THIS.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
JOYCE: AND I'M THINKIN', "OH NO."
NOW...
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
JOYCE: I DON'T EVEN EAT CANDY.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
JOYCE: BUT I KNOW IT'S THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS.
NOW, THIS IS A PHARMACY BAG.
HE WENT AND GOT IT AT A PHARMACY.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
JOYCE: HOWEVER, HE DID GET ME A NICE CARD.
NOW, DAVE ALWAYS HAS SAID THAT THE ONE THING HE
REALLY LIKES ABOUT ME IS MY FIRE 'CAUSE I'VE KINDA GOT
A FIERY PERSONALITY, YOU KNOW?
AND IF I DON'T LIKE IT, YOU KNOW IT; AND IF YOU SAY TOO MUCH,
I'M GOING TO TALK BACK.
AND SO, WHEN I--WHEN DAVE AND I MET, I WAS OUTSIDE WASHING
MY MOTHER'S CAR AND THIS HAS BEEN, YOU KNOW 40-SOME ODD YEARS
AGO, WASHING MY MOTHER'S CAR AND HE PULLS UP AND TRIED
TO FLIRT WITH ME, AND I HAD A REAL SARCASTIC ATTITUDE
'CAUSE I'D BEEN ABUSED AND BEEN HURT AND BEEN MISTREATED BY MEN
ALL MY LIFE, AND HE SAYS, "HEY, WHEN YOU
GET FINISHED WASHING THAT CAR, YOU WANT TO WASH MINE?"
AND I SAID, "IF YOU WANT YOUR CAR WASHED, BUDDY,
WASH IT YOURSELF."
AND HE SAID THE THING THAT WENT OFF IN HIS SPIRIT WAS,
"THAT'S THE GIRL FOR ME."
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
JOYCE: NOW, THANK GOD HE WAS A SPIRIT-FILLED CHRISTIAN,
SO WE'RE STILL ASSUMING HE WAS LED BY GOD BECAUSE HE
EITHER HAD TO HAVE SOMETHING WRONG WITH HIM OR HE
HAD TO BE LED BY GOD.
AND SO HE--ONCE IN A WHILE, NOW, YOU KNOW, I'LL STILL GET KINDA
FEISTY AND STIRRED UP AND HE'LL SAY, "THERE'S THAT OLD FIRE.
I LOVE THAT OLD FIRE."
AND HE ACTUALLY THINKS I'M FUNNY, YOU KNOW?
AND SO, HERE'S THE CARD.
"I'LL NEVER TIRE OF PLAYING WITH FIRE."
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
JOYCE: AND ON THE INSIDE, IT SAYS,
"AS LONG AS THAT FIRE IS YOU."
BUT NOW, THIS IS ONE OF THOSE SONG CARDS.
SO I'M HOPING YOU CAN HEAR THE SONG.
♪ I FELL INTO A BURNING RING ♪ ♪ OF FIRE. ♪
♪ I WENT DOWN, DOWN, DOWN, ♪ ♪ AND THE FLAMES WENT HIGHER. ♪
JOYCE: IT'S JOHNNY CASH.
♪ I FELL INTO A BURNING RING ♪ ♪ OF FIRE. ♪
♪ I WENT DOWN, DOWN, DOWN. ♪
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
JOYCE: NO, STAY IN YOUR SEAT.
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
JOYCE: WE DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR YOU.
I'M CLOSING THE MEETING.
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
JOYCE: SO, I HOWEVER, DID NOT GET UPSET.
I SAID, "I'M ON VACATION.
I'M GRATEFUL THAT I EVEN GOT THE PHARMACY BAG
WITH THE CANDY THAT I WON'T EAT.
DAVE: HELLO.
JOYCE: AMEN.
DAVE: YOU KNOW, I WASN'T GONNA SAY ANYTHING,
BUT SHE PUSHED ME TOO FAR.
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
DAVE: HOW MANY OF YOU WOULD LIKE TO SEE JOYCE EAT CROW?
LISTEN, SHE DOESN'T KNOW THIS, BUT AT HOME, AS SHE WALKS
IN THE DOOR, THERE'S GONNA BE A HUGE SIGN ALREADY UP
THAT SAYS "HAPPY BELATED VALENTINES DAY"
AND ROSES SCATTERED THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE,
PLUS 2 DOZEN ROSES, PLUS GIFTS SCATTERED
THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE.
SO, I FIGURE--
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
DAVE: I FIGURE WHY SHOULD SHE JUST EAT CROW IN FRONT OF ME?
SHE MIGHT AS WELL EAT CROW IN FRONT OF ALL OF YOU.
JOYCE: AND THAT'S THE ONLY REASON YOU DID IT, TOO.
COME ON, GIVE GOD PRAISE.
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]