- I don't think that a lot of men realize
how scary just they are. (pensive music)
(rhythmic music)
- Hi, my name is Dae.
I'm from New Jersey originally
and I'm a publicist here in LA.
- Hi, guys.
I'm Brett and I work in film.
- I'm Gabi and I work in film, as well.
I act.
Hi, everyone. I'm Koree.
I'm from Los Angeles
and I'm in advertising and recruiting.
- My name is Farhoud.
I'm born and raised in LA.
And I'm a writer and director.
- My name is Joe, 25-years-old
and I'm a marketing coordinator here in LA.
(dramatic whooshing)
- [Interviewer] Men and women are inherently different.
- Not to say that this is like a sound fact
or that, you know, there aren't exceptions,
but I think, you know, men are,
they're built differently.
They're stronger usually.
I can say, yeah, physically is a one inherent difference.
- Obviously, it changes based on like their race and gender
or like where they're from and stuff like that.
But I think that women tend to sometimes
be a lot more overemotional
and where men tend to kind of respond
a little bit more stoically
and that might not be the most like
perfect way to say it but I think it's-
- Do you think that's a natural way
that we are, like we're born to be
or do you think that's how we're brought up?
- I think it's a mixture of both.
Like, or it might just be how society has ingrained in them
they should react to certain things too.
- Yeah.
- Men are supposed to be this like
sometimes uncompromising, unemotional person
whereas women are supposed to be emotional.
So I think that people
sometimes like fall into those categories
even when they're not supposed to be.
- I feel like, you know, even as a man,
like you know how I approach a problem
is like, "Oh, how can I fix this thing?" (laughs)
Whereas like a lot of my female friends are like,
"I don't need to fix it.
I just need to listen to this person."
And like for me, that's just not my natural impulse.
(panelists indistinctly chattering)
- I think there's so many men who people will say,
"Oh yeah, men are always strong
or always this or always that."
Well, tell that to a female UFC fighter.
She'll kick their ass.
- Oh. - You know what I'm saying?
And they're also-
- That's why I said, there's exceptions. (laughs)
- Yeah, there are a lot of people-
- Very much so.
- But there are a lot of people who will say,
"Oh, women are always hyper emotional."
And then tell that to a bleeding heart guy
who's just like the biggest, most passionate person.
I mean, so I just think generalization
is always problematic.
- My husband is,
he's one of those guys that cries in like every movie,
you know?
And like I love that.
And I'm like a very assertive, fiery person,
which is like generally attributed to masculine quality
which in itself is problematic
that we think like strength is masculine,
problem solving is masculine.
We're all capable.
And we're all also have our weaknesses.
- [Interviewer] There are disadvantages in having my gender.
- Ooh, we got a late comer.
(panelists laughing)
Okay, I love it.
Come in.
- Definitely, I've experienced a lot of disadvantages
particularly in the workforce.
In my position, I'm pretty high up.
I kind of sit on the right hand of the president.
But it's just kind of interesting
how I'm always left with all these like administrative task.
- Hmm hmm. - You know what I mean?
And I'm like, well what about him
and him and him and him and him?
But it's just, I think it's natural for people
to associate administrative work with a,
you know, it's a feminine role.
- Same, I work at a hardware store
which is, I get looked over all the time
because I'm like, "Hi, how can I help you?"
And they go, "I'm gonna ask this guy."
Like literally just or not even talk to me,
they'll just walk right past me and go ask a man.
To touch on more like disadvantages,
like just having to think,
I think, to be more conscious of a lot of things
like people say like walking to your car at night
or going for a jog or just anything at night really.
- In thinking about it,
I was like, "Well, what is the disadvantage of being a man?"
And I thought back to when I was six, seven, eight,
and I was in the school yard and in the classroom
and my friends started to police me
'cause the girls weren't getting policed
from what I understand, the way that the boys were
because the boys were being told,
"Don't be like a girl.
Don't cry.
Don't share your emotions.
Don't show your feelings."
Because I wanted to fit in, I embodied those ideas.
- Right. (pensive music)
- When I was considering this question,
you know, do I have disadvantages based on my gender,
impulse was just, no.
Like as a white man who was raised in, you know,
middle class America,
like right off the bat, you have so many
like lack of barriers, I should say.
You have have a lack of barriers for opportunity.
(dramatic whooshing)
- [Interviewer] Men should hold doors open for women.
- Well, I just would like to let everyone know
that I do not open my own doors.
(panelists laughing)
So (laughing).
(panelists laughing)
No, but seriously though,
so if I'm walking to, if I'm with a male,
if I'm walking to a door, I won't touch the door.
However, if I do open a door,
if I'm by myself and there's people behind me,
I'm keeping it open,
whole family, females, males, no problem at all.
But if I am with a male, I will not open the door.
- Do you just stand there?
- Yeah and look real stupid too.
'Cause they usually stand there like as a joke
and I'm like.
- So you gonna open this door! (laughing)
- Where does that expectation come from for you?
- Um, I'm sure it was just the way I was raised.
- For me as a guy, like my instinct is like,
you know how my dad taught me and my brothers
is just like you know,
treat women with the utmost respect and honor.
I feel like chivalry is just something
that I'm like this is absolutely
something I wanna step into
and to continue and uphold.
- I think that's like a really beautiful way to put it.
I also think it's not true.
Like that's not born out of like serve
because she's up here.
It's because we don't,
it's the opposite of empowerment.
The same reason why
a guy doesn't think that you can,
you know what screw that is
is the same reason why they think
they have to open the door
or why it hurts why chivalry can hurt.
'Cause the idea that like we have to protect
and we have to like do things for them,
it translates,
it's equal to the idea that
because they are unable to.
(dramatic whooshing)
- [Interviewer] I usually feel safe
when I'm with the other gender.
- Generally speaking, I always feel pretty comfortable
when I'm with the opposite gender.
I'm the youngest and I have three brothers
and I have a lot of male figures in my life.
So I think that that may influence my feelings on that.
- I grew up in a family full of women.
Literally, mom had like three sisters,
like all of them had pretty much girls until I was about 13.
So 100% feel like I'm comfortable
with women being around me.
I'm a gay, Black man.
So literally the community, just for gay, Black people,
or just gay people in general,
you always have like your best girlfriend
that's gonna be there on your side
regardless of whether you just met them
or whether you've known them for 25 years.
(pensive music)
- I don't think that a lot of men realize
how scary just they are
and how many men just hanging out
like feel like, "Oh, that girl could literally kill me."
Like that's a true thing.
- I come from a family that's like
has really strong female personalities,
you don't doubt anything that they can do
'cause they were the defenders of the family.
They were the ones that raised everybody.
They were the strongest people in the family.
So I don't, I don't know.
I understand you're, yeah.
- I mean, in high school,
like I was on the wrestling team.
I was one of three girls on an all-boy wrestling team
and I was like, "Yeah, this is awesome.
Like, I'm one of the guys, this is cool."
And you know, one of the guys
like held a knife to my throat,
like behind the bleachers at a game.
And you know, you wanna be able to trust
and be like, okay, I don't know you
so I'm gonna, you know, give you my trust for a little bit
and then all of a sudden,
you're on top of me.
When do I choose and like who do I choose?
And so it's like, I've never had that with a woman, so.
(dramatic whooshing)
- [Interviewer] I'm comfortable showing my emotions.
- I don't think I've always been comfortable
and I am a very private person.
And so I'm very intentional
about the relationships that I build
and about the people who I am vulnerable to.
- I wasn't always comfortable sharing my emotions.
- Yeah, sure. - I think from childhood,
to, you know, my mid twenties or so.
I think it was more of just like this,
like let me bottle it up,
I'll share with a few people.
But it wasn't something I would share freely.
And I think now where I'm at
is I see true power in vulnerability.
- Absolutely. - Hmm hmm.
- To share and not fear,
you know, judgment or shame.
(pensive music)
- When I am strong in the way that I talk
and just being strong,
people are like, "Oh, you're angry.
You know, you don't make sense."
I'm like, no, I make a lot of sense right now.
(panelists laughing)
You know?" - You're awesome.
- Just the fact that I have an emotion
makes me unreliable in some way in people's eyes.
Like, we can't have a woman running the country.
What if she's on her period?
We'll go to war!
Well, I haven't seen it yet.
I am only uncomfortable in how I am perceived
because I do wanna be perceived as a competent person
and somebody to be trusted.
- I've taught myself to become emotional,
but from my family and from being a Black person in America,
I don't think that I am comfortable being emotional.
I feel like it's like me losing control.
It's me being vulnerable
and I don't like being vulnerable to anybody
unless I choose to.
And I think that that's, it's a sad thing
because like I should be able to cry
whenever I feel like it, but I don't.
Or if I do cry,
like I lost a family member last year
and broke into tears at work.
As soon as I realized that I was crying,
I stopped and I said,
"I have to go home, I apologize, I'm leaving right now."
And that's just how I had to respond to it.
And I don't think that's healthy,
but it's something that I,
that's just my personal experience
when it comes to being a male, a Black male in America.
(dramatic whooshing)
- [Interviewer] I feel understood by the other gender.
- Yeah, I think it kind of goes back to
just woman being the most like approachable people
that I can come to and talk about anything.
When it comes to me or just my experiences
or like the things that I've had to go through,
they're a lot more understanding
and I dunno, I just feel safe.
- My experience, again, with the opposite sex
has been pleasant, you know, my entire life.
I've always felt comfortable.
I've always felt understood.
I've always felt like I had a voice,
you know, even if it's not again,
the voice in the conference room.
I always felt like I've always been respected.
(pensive music)
- Well, I think like as a general swath,
like looking at it that way,
no, men...
Don't understand women.
And it's because we're looking at it
as two different things.
Like even the idea of being assertive
comes off as being a bitch.
- Are you speaking from a personal place
or a societal place?
Because I feel like you speak from a very
like big place instead of so-
- Like it's all the same.
- Because the question was like, I, not like...
Society. - Yeah.
Do I feel understood by men?
No!
Because they don't view me as an equal.
- Can I ask you a question?
In this space, do you feel understood?
- Um, I feel understood equally by all parties.
- Great.
- Not but you know, like I-
- That's a start.
- You know, I believe that we're all image bearers,
you know, image bearers of God
and like that we're equal
and we're given these different roles to fulfill.
You know, when you see two people dancing
and it's a beautiful choreographed, equal dance,
no one's out showing the other person.
But when it comes to like relationships with men and women,
like I feel like these different roles
can be such a beautiful thing when done right
but can also be a disaster
if one person is, you know,
trying to outperform
or the other person is taking advantage or overstepping.
- Like you said, there's such a beauty
in differences and in masculinity and femininity,
and it's important to have both in yourself.
(panelists indistinct chattering)
- Oh. - So glad.
- We need a picture. - You guys are awesome.
You guys are awesome. - You guys?
(rhythmic music)