Is it safe to do Skype, video, sex with a long distance boyfriend? What's the best way
to accept a compliment? What do you do when the guy's been chasing you but you've been
too busy and now he's given up? What happens if the guy is still hung up on his ex? And
what do you do when the guy that you're seeing changes his mind about you because you're
leaving town. Welcome to another week of Ask Mark. This is the weekly segment where I answer
your questions one-on-one, and you guys, you send them the best questions. Seriously, your
support on this channel has been amazing. And so what I want to do is repay that by
answering your questions one-on-one. So let's get straight into it and make sure you subscribe.
The first question comes from Ne Ro, and Ne Ro says, I have a question. Uh, I'm a pretty
girl with very low self esteem. I'm working on it and trying to socialize more, which
is awesome, Ne Ro. Guys do come up to me and try to start conversations. Even though I
appear confident though I go really shy inside and goof up big time. This is super cute.
By the way, kudos Ne Ro for your self-awareness with this and for working on it. We can all,
I think, take an example from this self honesty. Long story short, if a guy compliments me,
how do I compliment him back? I go red when guys compliment me. Ne Ro, how do I compliment
him back? You don't have to. This is a good thing to be aware of for for you and for Ne
Ro. Self-esteem, when it's low, you ultimately feel like you don't deserve compliments. So
let's say you see the other people say as above you or somewhere around you see yourself
as low.
When you take a compliment, it increases that and if you have low self esteem, you're not
comfortable with that. So you go, Oh, I'm really not comfortable here. I'm going to
get this back down. So you either reject the compliment. When someone says, Oh, you look
amazing tonight! You go, Oh no, it's just the makeup. Whoop, I feel more comfortable
back down here. Or you say, Oh gee, this feels weird. Now I need to give other one person
one back because I don't feel like I deserve this, nah I can't just let it sit. Ne Ro,
the best way to handle a compliment is to just say thank you. That's going to be uncomfortable
for you because it's raising your self esteem and you're not comfortable with those higher
levels of self esteem. But get comfortable with them, girl. Get comfortable with them.
Just say thank you. This is the only thing you need to say to a compliment. Accept it,
love it and then keep interacting with the dude.
Second question comes from Lily and Lily's says, by the way, my throat's a bit off. I
apologize, ladies. Lily says when then could a girl have Skype sex in video chat in a long
distance relationship? As you know, I generally advise not sending nude photos, nude videos,
anything like that. It usually happens for the wrong intent. It gives him your sex or
your nudity at his convenience and there's always a risk you can go on Google. So Lily
says, how do I do this and keep the guy's respect and get the relationship? Uh, is it
better to wait until they are committed, wait until meet in person or they have sex in person?
Uh, I want to Skype sex, video chat with a guy I met long distance, met online, but haven't
met in person yet due to circumstances, by not lose the guy's respect and not put myself
in the booty call/friends with benefits category.
This is a really good question and again, this Google risk comes into it. What I recommend
here is there's kind of three levels of this. There's like the verbal only. You turn the
video off and you can do the, like the phone, use your words and this is an example from
a real relationship where before you actually have sex, you're going to be flirting towards
it. There's going to be sexual innuendos, sexual flirting, but you don't actually have
sex and that builds attention. The cool thing about the verbal means is it builds the tension
with no risks to you. So here's the thing. I always say with long distance relationships,
if you've met online, if there's no end point, if there's no plan for regular visits, then
that dude should not be a boyfriend. Don't go exclusive. You're just going to cage a
bird that wants to fly free.
Don't go exclusive. If you're not exclusive to someone, you should definitely not be sending
Skype videos, anything like that towards to him it's too high risk. You don't know him.
It's just, and if you're not exclusive so it's not going to get his respect, you can
still build massive sexual tension with the phone. You can say something like, if he implies
he implies it and you can say, ah, we're leaving the video off, but let's do this, and it kind
of goes. He goes, Oh, I want this, but I can't have this right yet. Now if there is an end
date and you have decided to go exclusive, then my advice is still to wait until you've
gotten to know him in person and done it in person. The reason is you've still met online.
You still haven't got those in-person vibes. You're good at reading people.
As a woman, you have more motor neurons, ah more mirror neurons rather to read people
in situations, and that intuition isn't going to be as strong online. So if there is an
end date, it may as well make it special and wait for it before you do the whole visual
thing. With the phone, it's more likely to be for your intent. Whereas in the visual
means it's more likely to impress him, which is his intent. Remember, the intent for these
things has to be right, so my overall advice is don't do it because if there's no end date,
he's not your boyfriend - don't do it. If there is an end date, well, just wait to the
end date. Now, there will be exceptions to this and when you know the guy really well,
when you've talked a lot, maybe he's not coming over for six months that you've started a
committed relationship, long distance.
There may be times where there's exceptions to this, excuse me guys, but particularly
because we have younger viewers on this channel, I would say definitely don't do it. If you're
a little bit older, a little bit more experienced, um, and if you really wouldn't be fazed with
the risk of it ending up on Google, remember even if it's live, he can still record it
from a camera behind him. Then maybe you can do it, but overall don't do it would be my
advice. Wait until you've gotten to know the guy in person. Ah third question, it comes
from Nikspiration and Nikspiration says, hi, Mark, huge fan of yours. I have a question.
What does one do when a guy gives up on you after trying so much to meet up with you?
My schedule is hectic and hardly ever get a day off. I think he got frustrated. Should
I do anything?
Nikspiration, this is on you. Just like how I say, don't chase someone who doesn't reciprocate,
invest in a man who invests in you. The same applies for a woman. No guy with self-respect
is ever going to keep chasing and chasing someone who doesn't chase him back. If you
expect that, you're just going to get guys who chase relentlessly, and are more in it
for the game than to build an equal standing relationship with you. So Nikspiration, this
is on you now. You've got to make some big efforts here to show him you're willing to
make time in your schedule. You're gonna have to chase him for a bit. You're gonna have
to reciprocate that and get things, get things back on, send him a text saying, Hey, look,
I know I've been really useless, but I really want, I really enjoy hanging out with you
and would love to make the time. Let me know your schedule and I'll, I'll make the time
ASAP because I do really want to see you.
A really forward, no bullshit, I like you. Text is what you want in this situation. If
you can get him on the phone even better. Uh, who have we got next? We've got Rizkia.
Rizkia says, Hey Mark, I think I need a solution for my relationship. I already do this step
to make them want to commit with me. But he said he cannot move on from his ex. He is
already engaged with his ex but because his ex want to marrying him sooner. So they just
broke up and then, yeah. And then one week later I met him. Now it's already been three
months. He's still scared of a relationship. Rizkia, this guy's all over the shop. He's
clearly got a fear of commitment. He's run from his ex who he's still engaged to and
now he' too scared to start something with you. No wonder he's still engaged. Let him
move on. Give him six months space. Let this guy get his head together.
And last question is from Clairesmind and Clairesmind says, hi Mark your awesome. Absolutely
love your videos. I have a question. Me and my boyfriend broke up two days ago. We'd been
dating only for two months, but the connection between the two of us was really powerful.
So strong that I'm confident we should get back together, especially since we didn't
break up for lack of emotions and feelings, but because he is scared of losing me since
I'm an exchange student and we live in two different countries, I'm leaving in two months
and he said it's too painful for him to see me leaving and he decided to end it now to
avoid future pain. I think it's utterly stupid since we both live in Europe, and still have
two months to get to know each other and also I want to at least give long distance relationship
a try. Given the circumstances, how long should I wait before contacting him again? I don't
have a whole month since I'm leaving in two months. Do you think there's enough chances
of me making him change his mind? We are in love, but misunderstandings and fear of pain
pulling us apart.
Here's the thing guys, love doesn't always conquer all. Reality does, it's true. I have
a client for example, who the guy she was seeing pulled away and I was still pretty
confident that that dude loved her, but his fears trumped it. See sometimes when a guy
pulls away, it isn't necessarily because the feelings aren't there. It's because the fears
that are driving it are just stronger, but it's the same result. You can have someone
with no feelings who just pulls away because they're a bit over it. Or you can have someone
with heaps of feelings who pulls away because they are shit scared of commitment.
The result's still the same. The emotional motivation is pulling them away rather than
to you. And until the emotional motivation trumps the reasons they're leaving, trumps
the fears. You can't talk someone into coming back. You can't logically convince them. He
can say, Oh yeah that was really shit. It's a good idea. And then he still doesn't call
you. It's, it's, he has to be emotionally motivated. Every salesman knows that people
buy with emotion and then justify their purchase with logic.It's exactly the same. For him
to come back, he has to emotionally miss you, he has to emotionally miss the positive experiences.
Yes. I think what he's doing is pretty, pretty stupid too. You guys obviously did have a
connection you guys could connect cause you're not far apart in Europe. But internally, he
doesn't believe that you've got to give him the space.
I would be giving him four weeks space, two weeks reassess, but probably four. Seeing
where he's at, he has to emotionally miss you and want to come back. Cause only when
he's coming forward is he going to be open to those conversations where you say, Hey
look, we really like each other. This is stupid. Let's give long distance a try. He has to
have the emotional motivation to want to do that. If he doesn't have that, you can logic
him all day in the world. Hey this is really dumb. Yeah it is. But I'm pulling away anyway.
So given the space, Clairesmind, you can't force someone to be with you. You can't force
someone to get over their, shit. They have to want to do it. Well that's it. Thank you
for watching. Post your questions below. Let me know more. We've had a bit of a change
over in videographers on the channel.
So that's why the slightly fewer videos at the moment, but we have heaps in the pipeline.
I have more videos that I've made so far in the pipeline, so we're just getting our, getting
our stuff together. We're going to keep the Ask Mark going, and I'm gonna have another
video for you tomorrow or the next day. Another Ask Mark after that. And you're asking me
to love some of the new content. It's my best so far, so I'm really excited for you to see
it. Thank you for watching. Subscribe. Hit the bell. Hit the like button and I'll see
you in the next video.