VOICEOVER: It's probably been about 15 years since I went a
Friday night without drinking.
Except for that time last year I had gastroenteritis
and couldn't get out of bed.
And even then, I had a couple of Tyskies just to take the edge off.
To go out on a Friday and not drink and seem happy and talk to people.
How the fuck are you supposed to do that?
That teenage night was a lot like this one.
Booze, booze everywhere, but not a drop to drink.
Are you going to ask one of them, Craggy?
Ask this guy coming down now.
Try him, try him.
You can ask him, you're the confident one.
Excuse me. Will you go into the shop and get us some booze, please?
It's not for me. It's for my grandad.
He's broken his hip. I mean, he's 75.
He can't really get out and that.
He just wants a drink on a Friday night.
Yeah, all right. What does he want?
12 Bottle of WKD. Blue, please.
Nice try.
For fuck's sake.
Here. Do you know who we should ask? Who?
Old Larry Metcalf.
Who the hell is old Larry Metcalf?
Larry. You know Larry. He's that bloke who'll buy anyone booze.
He don't give two fucks how old you are.
And he only lives round the corner.
Just cos he buys booze for kids don't make him a paedo.
It's a slippery slope, though, innit?
I've got a better idea.
# Cos right now, I see clearer than most
# I sit here contending with this cheese on toast... #
SHOP DOORBELL RINGS
Did you get served?
Does it look like it?
Thought you might have stashed it in them clown pockets that you've got.
This is my dead uncle's suit, you little prick.
What did he dies of, being fucking huge? No.
He slipped and cracked his head in the shower.
Didn't feel a thing, apparently.
That's how I want to go.
Oh, shit. Look.
Come on, let's go.
Let's be gone, boys. Ralph.
Come on now.
Nah, fuck that.
Now then, Ralph.
Will you buy us some booze?
You what?
Will you buy us some booze?
What's just happened there, Tinhead?
Ralph just asked you to buy him booze, Rupert. What?
Ralph, who got battered a couple of weeks back for being
a mouthy little prick and not knowing his place?
You're asking me, Whitey's mate, to buy him some booze?
Yeah, blagshead, that? How do you feel about that, Tinhead?
I don't know. How do you feel about it, Rupert? I think it's funny.
I think it's real funny.
I think it's proper funny.
Ha-ha-ha! Cheeky little prick, asking me to buy you booze.
Cheeky. Takes some real stones.
Yeah, let's have a look at that shiner.
That's a beauty that, lad. Look at that, Tinhead. Oh, it's a proper nice one that.
Yeah, it's gorgeous, innit? All the yellows and blues and that.
Why does it do that, Tinhead? It's due to the breakdown of haemoglobin.
You just know shit like that, Tinhead, you know, it's mad.
Right, now then, boys.
Hey, Craggy.
Well done for making an effort to look smart on Friday night, mate.
Like a proper little mogul and that, don't he?
Don't he look like a mogul, Tinhead? Exactly like a mogul.
Yeah, a proper mogul man.
Right, so you want us to buy some drinks, yeah? Yeah. Yeah, if you will.
All right. What you want then?
WKD. Cider. Fanta Lemon.
Tell you what?
I'll take your money and I'll pick for you, lads, all right?
Fucking hell, I feel like the guy out of Oliver Twist,
all the orphans. Fagan. Fagan.
I feel like Fagan, to be honest, Tinhead.
Come on, mate. Let's get you a drink.
# Scumbag, scum of the Earth, his worth was nil
# Until he gained the skill of tongues
# From 15 years young... #
SHOP DOOR BELL Thank you. Get off.
They're for me and Tinhead.
We got this for you.
Green Danger cider?
What's this?
Cider is fermented from apples.
Yeah, I know. It's just not what we wanted.
We don't always get what you want, do you, Ralph?
So, did you get that with our money?
Craggy, look.
Such a little mogul, aren't you? You're always talking about money.
So, what then, boys? Are you all big men now, yeah?
Getting pissed up and that, yeah?
How's about you come get blinder with us in Gibbs Woods tonight?
Erm, will Whitey be there?
Like, he's been away for a bit, all right.
Won't be seeing you around this town for a bit.
Where's he gone? I can't tell you.
Whitey moved to Blackpool to do a hotel catering course.
Right. So then, boys.
Get in't car, Addy squeeze in't boot.