conversation is an important way to convey emotion and meaning the tongue is the most
powerful weapon we have in our arsenal and when used wisely can be for the greater good
in your journey of refinement the way you speak is of utmost importance and can convey
a number of things including how elegant you are in today's video we are going to
explore eight conversation mistakes to avoid that can make you come across as unrefined
my lovely elegance ladies welcome back to another video my name is vivienne i am the founder of
woman of elegance which is a platform that i have created to help women globally become the most
elegant sophisticated and classy women that they can be i hope you've enjoyed this series on the
conversation etiquette so far so without further ado let's go into the third segment of this series
points number one not using the correct greetings greetings vary from country to country for example
in australia people would greet using good day in america they would say hey in the uk hello
and so forth please comment on which greetings are used in the country that you're from it's okay to
use a particular type of greeting for the country residing however please save the colloquialisms
for casual settings are you accustomed to saying how are you well ladies here's a surprise for you
stop saying this it's really insincere it's really overused and it's really just used to acknowledge
people it doesn't really mean anything when you ask somebody how they are you're not expecting
a very long rambling answer you're really subconsciously expecting them to just say i'm fine
thank you so you're literally just acknowledging them start asking how have you been this is a
better phrase to use because you're not likely to get a monosyllabic answer and it's also a very
warm expression the same with what are you up to or are you well the person really has to give a
detailed response to this and it gives rise to more open-ended answers and a conversation even
stop saying hey and start saying hello don't say nice to me to you that's an absolute no-no and
start saying pleased to meet you if you're with your best friends for example
casual greetings are fine but i really want you to start adapting a better way of speaking from
the outset so you're never really caught off guard point number two rambling if for example
in a job interview the interview asks you a simple question and expects a simple answer
yet you start rambling on about your childhood for example or a divorce you come across as somebody
who isn't able to think critically and this skill is important as an employer myself i often shy
away from people who exhibits these traits because i assume that they constantly talk to hide their
lack of work basically talking excessively to hide something or i might assume that they may annoy
the rest of the workforce also if you want to come across as an elegant lady in your speech if you
are not concise your message will lose impact don't allow this habit to get the best of you
practice answering questions succinctly don't be robotic but don't ramble think about the question
carefully before giving an answer and remember if you ramble you could say something you may regret
point number three pretending to know something you don't did you listen to jordan peterson's
lecture on affecting psychological matters it was amazing wasn't it what did you think
about the references he used uh yeah they were really good which one stood out to you and why
wouldn't it have just been easier to say no if you don't know something that's perfectly okay you
don't need to pretend if you do pretend you may start being defensive because your subconscious is
telling you that he is lecturing you or testing your knowledge when he is in fact trying to
establish common ground of course in more formal or academic settings you should always be prepared
to give an answer but in more casual discussions you should not be ashamed of not knowing something
in the example given the correct way to respond would have been no i didn't watch it please
enlighten me then you can showcase your interest by asking questions about what you've heard points
number four allowing hostile attribution bias to get the best of you what is hostile attribution
bias this is the tendency to abscribe harmful or otherwise adverse intent to the ambiguous behavior
of others in short unwarranted suspicion if you're always suspicious about other people's gestures or
their words then you may have a case of hostile attribution bias to be honest i had a problem
with this for a long time i was always suspicious of others why the person looked down when talking
to me or why they cracked a slight smile or why they coughed mid-conversation can you see ladies
why this is problematic you can't concentrate on what's being said and your mind begins to wonder
the best way to dissipate this line of thinking is to stop trying to interpret the other person's
thoughts or actions it doesn't serve you and you can come across as being aloof or disengaging when
you align your thoughts this way please stop these traits because if you behave in this way people
could be repulsed by this and stop engaging with you all together points number five not keeping it
neutral and civil i am very sure we're all aware of this johnny depp and amber heard debical if
ever there was a classic case of airing your dirty laundry in public then this is it so ladies for
example you're speaking to a friend who's going through a bitter divorce how do you console them
do you tend to say things like oh well i never liked him anyway you're better off without
them they were not good enough for you you may think you're consoling the person but you're not
helping at all in fact you're devaluing the marriage and questioning your friend's
judgment or choice of spouse after all they were once in love they still may be in love
they may share children and the feelings might still be raw also by taking sides prematurely
you could risk being a third party should a reconciliation happen always stay neutral in such
situations points number six forcing humor in conversation i remember once going on a date with
a man he was a nice guy he was a handsome and he was a gentleman but his sense of humor was drier
than the desert sand which is fine not everyone values a sense of humor and not everyone has one
however he was constantly trying to crack jokes and in an effort to preserve his ego
i kept laughing at his very dry jokes until my jaws hurt it was really exhausting and safe to
say there was no second date 44 39 put 20 in my card mate and then let her have some change back
it's important to be mindful of where you are jokes and humor should be kept to a minimum
depending on where you are obviously for example in settings like a funeral on the other hand if
you're trying too hard to tell jokes and the responses are somewhat lukewarm then it's time
to stop because you can risk creating an awkward atmosphere points number seven assuming a level of
interest in what you are saying when speaking to people especially with people we aren't familiar
with it's easy to infer from perhaps their body language or their mannerisms that they're
interested in what we're saying and vice versa as previously reiterated it's hard to focus on what
you're saying when you're constantly concentrating on the other person this often manifests itself
when giving short answers or rambling on for minutes on end in this instance you must
strike a balance you need to be discerning if they're giving you one word responses then it's
probably time to end the conversation however if they're trying to engage you and you keep giving
monosyllabic answers then perhaps you should try and rev things up a little because again
you don't want to come across as being aloof or disinterested in what the person is saying but
if you are disinterested in what they're saying then it's perhaps time to cut the conversation
short points number eight using repetitive vocal inflections what are vocal inflections
vocal inflections or intonation is when we change the tone or the pitch of our voice when
we're speaking in order to convey a more precise meaning of our words or to provide insight about
how we're feeling results from a study at the university of chicago revealed that the average
human ear can distinguish 1378 noticeable differences in tone the research also showed that
how you say something is five times more important than what you say if you're constantly monotone
and you don't put emphasis on the right words you take away the true meaning of what you're trying
to convey and you risk boring your listeners train yourself to use inflections when speaking
to give emphasis and meaning to the things that you say let's take for example the
following phrase i didn't say he stole the bag i didn't say he stole the bag
i didn't say he stole the bag i didn't say he stole the bag i didn't say he stole the bag
for example by giving emphasis to the eye i didn't say he stole the bag i'm inferring that somebody
else stole the bag in giving emphasis to the he by saying i didn't say he stole the bag
i'm implying that perhaps somebody else stole the bag i said that she stole the bag so can you see
by emphasizing particular words i'm conveying a different meaning if you are constantly monotone
and you don't put emphasis on the right words you take away the true meaning of what you're trying
to convey and you risk boring your listeners ladies i hope you enjoyed this segment of speaking
english elegantly if you haven't already done so please do follow me on my skillshare account
speak english elegantly where i'll be uploading videos that will teach you and help you to speak
better english thank you very much for watching and until next time bye for now