this is Damon from NLP gym NLP
identity change if you haven't already
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regular basis is it possible to change
at the identity level and if so what are
the effects of such a deep change and
your identity on the rest of your life
in your relationships and your major
life context the other day i was working
with a client and we were working with
her feelings of unhappiness and some
anxiety and the truth was she has a
really not really good life she has a
very supporting and loving family and a
great career but she's just feeling like
something is missing and a lot of us
feel this way we're not necessarily
depressed or unhappy
we're just not as happy as we know that
we could be in working with her I spend
a lot of time moving her pictures around
modeling experiences in her life that
were very happy experiences and then
mapping them across and two contacts in
her life where she wasn't feeling
fulfilled and she wasn't feeling happy
that wasn't working so well so I
enlisted her values and then took those
values and elicited whether or not she
would embody those values as qualities
of her personality of her identity that
didn't work so well even though we tune
these up and we built these into her
identity it still wasn't helping she
still wasn't feeling any different and
then it dawned on me she hadn't made the
decision to change she could like to
move her pictures around all I wanted I
could try all these things but until she
made that decision that she wanted to
change that she wants to be happy she
wants to live a different life it
doesn't matter what i do it wasn't going
to change she had to make that decision
why wouldn't she make that decision
because when you make that leap when you
make that change it can be scary because
you don't know what other things are
going to change in your life and she
wasn't ready to make that change
basically because even though she's
unhappy in her
current state she doesn't know if that's
a better place for her than stepping
into the unknown and actually making
those changes
this is exactly what I faced when i was
doing my first LP master practitioner
training I came right up to that
threshold and I started to realize that
some if I if I took the next step if I
made those changes things in my life are
going to change in ways that i didn't
even know yet and i was really stepping
into unknown territory and I had I felt
this the fear coming up in me and I had
to decide whether or not this was
something I was going to move forward
with at that point I was ready even
though it was scary
I decided that even though a lot of
things in my life were good that I was
willing to take that step into the
unknown and make those changes because i
really wasn't that happy and I knew I
couldn't be happier
so I made that change and it was even
within one day major changes started to
happen and I've never looked back since
and I'm happier than I've ever been
however some negative things did happen
when you've created these sort of false
structures in your life based on parts
of you that weren't really used that
they were what other people wanted for
you and what other people thought you
should do and you build these structures
in your life
those things will start to crumble and
that can be very very scary and
destabilizing but I trusted that process
and I trusted my values i trusted who I
was and I trusted that I was moving in a
positive and generative direction when I
realized this during this coaching
session i basically laid it out for my
client and I said what you're
experiencing is your potential to be
happier to be more fulfilled is
beckoning and you're not answering that
call
so yes you're feeling some unhappiness
the same time you're scared because
that's another part of you is pulling in
the other direction that part of you
wants you to be safe and that her life
is rather safe and to step away from
that and to go for something bigger and
hopefully happier
and letting go of that security that's a
very scary thing for her so I laid it
out for that this is what's going on and
either going to make that decision for
you got to make the decision to just be
okay with the way things are you have to
be okay with being less happy otherwise
our coaching sessions are a waste of
time and money I could move our pictures
around all day long I could try every
single NLP technique whatever hypnosis
none of that was going to work until she
made that decision that she's ready for
that change
it's not my place to tell her what the
right choices she has to decide that for
herself identity level change is a
fundamental recharacterization of your
experiences in your life which pretty
much changes your experience of how you
experience life in general and that's
why this is so scary and like I said you
don't know how this is going to affect
your relationships you don't know how
this is going to affect major lights
context you don't know how this is going
to affect your identity as a whole for
example if you've been a people pleaser
your whole life and suddenly you take
your life back and you start living for
yourself again
yeah you're going you're going to
disappoint a lot of people doing that
and it's not a selfish thing the truth
is is that living for yourself is the
best you can do for other people so do
you want to change or do you want to
stay the same
there's no right or wrong there is only
whatever you want
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happy new year and take care