By the end of this video, I'm going to give you the red flags,
so stay tuned.
Hey, I'm Rebecca Zung.
I'm an attorney, an author and a narcissist negotiation expert.
What I do on this channel, I give you tips, tricks and
resources so that you can avoid
getting ensnared by a narcissist, but
more importantly, the exact resources that you need
so that you can become the most powerful and
persuasive person in the room and
teach you how to shift the dynamic so that
you can set yourself up and so that you'll never
get trapped by a narcissist ever again.
If that sounds good, make sure that you subscribe
to this channel and hit that notification bell.
Let's talk about the four ways that
you can set yourself up so that you will
never fall into a narcissist’s trap ever again.
All right, so here's the thing, you want to
make sure that you'll be able to detect this
so that you'll never you'll be
able to spot it ahead of time.
The thing is that a narcissist really good at this.
You've heard about the whole 10,000 hours thing,
Malcolm Gladwell wrote a book a long time ago
called “Outliers” and that's a great book, by the way and
I will drop a link below to the book if you want.
In this book, he came up with this whole idea
that in order to have outliers success,
like and he went through The Beatles and
Bill Gates and people who are really good at math,
like Asians, and study people who are
like outliers and successful.
Like why are the really good at what they do? and
he came up with this like magical number,
that to be really, really good at something
that they spent like at least 10,000 hours that something.
So, like the Beatles spent time in Germany and,
years before they became a success, and
that's why they were so good and Bill Gates,
when he was a kid, he got to spend time at the school. and
was like coding for hours and hours as a teenager and
that's why he got he got so good at what he was doing.
So, 10,000 hours like was the critical number.
Well, narcissists have spent way more than 10,000 hours
becoming manipulators and becoming really,
really good at manipulators, because
they've been doing it their whole entire lives.
They have studied people and read people and
figured it out their craft and honed their craft,
basically, since they were children,
they figured out a long time ago,
something happened to them when
they were children and, they were like,
okay, the world is a scary place,
in order for me to survive,
I need to be a certain way,
I need to read people,
I need to be a certain way in the world
I have to survive, and for me to survive,
I need to make sure that you don't survive, and
they don't think of it like consciously,
it's definitely subconscious, but
they really think of it in terms of like,
if you have something, then that means I can't have it.
Or if I have it, then you shouldn't have it.
I mean it's definitely the scarcity mentality
to the absolute extreme and so
they're really very, very manipulative and
they've honed their craft, and they've spent, as I said,
way more than 10,000 hours and so
you're falling into this trap of this person.
By the way, you can't feel bad about it.
You can't beat yourself up over it.
You can't go, “How did I manage to do that?”
“I can't believe I fell into this trap”
“I can't believe this happened to me”
because these people are really good at it, and,
you can't wonder how did the judge fall for it?
How does the mediator fall for it?
How did the lawyers fall for it?
because they're really good at it, right?
So, if you want to learn how to detect
these red flags before you fall into the hole,
then you also have to get really good at reading the signs.
Whether it's in business,
whether it's in your personal relationships,
work, dating, any time you're meeting someone new,
whatever the situation is,
you've gotta get good at reading them too,
because they want to ensnare you into their webs,
that's what they do.
They want to get that narcissistic supply from you.
That's their MO,
they're looking for that supply all the time,
they're predators,
they're looking for prey and they're on
the hunt for it constantly, and by the way, if you want
to know more about the narcissist manipulation tactics,
you should definitely check out my video on that topic.
By the way, they do want to trap you
before, you can figure out who they actually are and
and they are love bombing you as much
as they possibly can, as quickly as they can
before they figure out.
So, the love-bombing process is a very quick process,
it's usually just a couple months and sometimes
it's called the idealization phase.
I mean, sometimes love bombing is kind of
a weird term if it's like a business relationship
but it's really the same sort of thing.
I mean, I had to deal with it in a business
kind of a setting, but it was the same sort of a thing.
Oh, you'd be the perfect business partner,
I can get this kind of client for you,
I can bring this sort of relationship to the business...
They quickly line themselves up to make themselves look perfect,
even if it's in a business relationship,
what I would say is one of the ways that
you can avoid getting yourself trapped by a narcissist,
Or something that you have personally
founded yourself such as your business,
your company, your finances,
or even if it's your children, your house, and
this is something I have to tell you that
I have such a personal feeling about, because,
of some situations that I've had
if you really want to avoid getting trapped and
manipulated by these narcissists,
don't allow them to take control of anything that
you have created yourself or anything personal,
like your business, your company,
or finances, your children, your house,
don't put them on your company,
don't have them take over your finances,
don't put them on your bank account,
if you have created a brand,
you keep your brand for yourself.
If you have created a business,
keep your business for yourself, I mean,
you don't need anybody to help you with that business.
I mean if there's something, where somebody is like,
could be a good strategic partner for you
where they have like a completely different skill,
that's different, where it's a complementary skill,
you know, you're a creative person and
there's a financial person who can come in,
that's totally different,
where you can really complement each other skills,
think about how you can set that up
where you can really complement each other's skills.
But be really, really careful about giving somebody
control over something that you've spent
time, money, effort, creating yourself
that you've built, that is your thing and
if you're so not sure about that,
go and watch, or listen to the podcast.
I mean, look what happened to that woman,
when she left that guy command and
take over her finances, and take over her life and
take over her children and look what happened there.
I mean, that is such a perfect example of that.
So, that's number one.
Don't give them access to your passwords, no logins.
Just don't, especially early on.
I mean, because they want this stuff really quickly,
like I said that love bombing phase is quick,
it's like within three months, they want all this stuff.
I mean, if we're talking about three years
have gone by, five years, ten years,
time has gone by and
you've really learned to build trust with this person, and
you've really gotten to know who this person actually is,
that's different.
Maybe you've signed a prenuptial agreement,
or maybe you haven't,
but you've really gotten to know who this person is,
you've taken the time to learn who their family is,
you've gotten to see what kind of integrity they have,
you've gotten to see who they are with your family,
with your children, who they are in business,
who they are with their families, that's different.
Take the time to really get to see who they are,
how they treat people,
but don't do all this stuff right away.
The problem with narcissists is
they want access to everything,
they want to be in everything right away.
I had a situation with a client one time who
she even signed a prenup.
She had started a company, a really great company
then got married and gave her husband
access to everything right away,
a narcissistic guy, made him her CFO,
made him in charge of all the social media,
made him her COO, I mean, this guy was
in charge of everything for the company
within like a year of getting married,
within a year of knowing him and
then realized that he was not a good guy,
that he was a bad guy and
the prenup wasn't… it was very flimsy.
I didn't draft the prenup, just FYI, and
they signed this prenup out of the country,
they had this crazy marriage and they litigated
the prenup and spent way more money,
took way longer to get divorced and
they were actually married and
she had to hire a civil litigation attorney
just to get him out of the business, and so,
it caused all kinds of upsetting her business,
all kinds of upsetting in her personal life because
she let the camel under the tent,
you know my whole story about the camel under the tent, right?
So, be really careful about that,
Okay, that's number two.
Watch for words like, “You make me feel…”
You're giving them power, and
you were giving them power when
when you're saying things like that,
another way to get trapped by a narcissist,
“You're making me feel…”
This is a good time for my little,
I want you to write something down below.
You don't control me. I control me.
As soon as you allow them
to start controlling your emotions,
then that's when they are also trapping you
because they know they have you then.
Once they can get under your skin,
they know they have you and they try to trigger you
they try to trigger you in a number of different ways
by their verbal, through emails, through text messages,
they do all sorts of things to gaslight you,
how they manipulate you,
they're constantly trying to trigger you.
A really good example of that, by the way,
is in the mini series “I care a lot” which
I actually did a whole video on that too,
which you can check out if you'd like,
that woman in that miniseries, was
really good at manipulating that woman and
getting her to be triggered and
then using it against her, which is what they do.
They trigger you and then use it against you.
Yeah. They're good at that as well.
So those are four ways to avoid
getting trapped by a narcissist.
So you can spot those red flags and
avoid getting trapped by them and
keep yourself out of that black hole.
If you like this video, give it a like, give it a share,
drop me that comment,
make sure you subscribe to this channel and
hit that notification bell.
You can grab my free “Crush my negotiation” worksheet
at winmynegotiation.com and
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at “Narcissist Negotiators with Rebecca Zung”.
I am so glad that you stopped by this channel and
all things negotiating with narcissists.
Remember, today is a great day to start negotiating your best life.
I will see you in the next video.
Thanks for stopping by!