>> STEPHEN: BEFORE THE BREAK, WE WERE TALKING ABOUT HILLARY
CLINTON'S STRUGGLE WITH MILLENNIAL VOTERS.
AND SHE'S NOT ALONE.
"YOUNGER VOTERS ARE SHUNNING THE TWO MAJOR POLITICAL PARTIES ON A
SCALE NOT SEEN SINCE ROSS PEROT'S THIRD-PARTY BID FOR THE
PRESIDENCY IN 1992."
IT'S TRUE, YOUNG PEOPLE LOVED ROSS PEROT, BUT REMEMBER, BACK
IN '92, HE WAS STILL IN "NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK."
HE WAS THE FISCALLY RESPONSIBLE ONE.
THIS ELECTION CYCLE, FOR ANY MILLENNIALS DISENCHANTED WITH
CLINTON AND TRUMP, THERE'S LIBERTARIAN CANDIDATE AND AGING
CLOWN WITHOUT MAKEUP, GARY JOHNSON.
JOHNSON FANS HERE TONIGHT?
( CHEERING ) THEN YOU'RE GOING TO LIKE THE
NEXT SEVEN MINUTES.
( LAUGHTER ) JOHNSON IS THE FORMER GOVERNOR
OF NEW MEXICO, WHOSE PLATFORM INCLUDES A VARIETY OF
SMALL-GOVERNMENT POLICIES, BUT THE ONLY ONE YOU CARE ABOUT IS:
HE WANTS TO LEGALIZE MARIJUANA.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) IT ACTUALLY SAYS IN THE SCRIPT
HERE "AUDIENCE SCREAMS."
( LAUGHTER ) LIBERTARIANS HAVE LONG BEEN
WAITING FOR A SMART, RESPECTABLE CANDIDATE TO REPRESENT THEIR
VALUES... AND THE WAIT CONTINUES BECAUSE GARY JOHNSON SAYS SOME
CRAZY-ASS STUFF, LIKE LAST WEEK, WHEN HE MADE THIS CASE FOR HIS
INCLUSION IN THE PRESIDENTIAL DEBATES.
>> AND DO YOU THINK IF YOU WERE ABLE TO GET ON THE DEBATE STAGE,
THAT YOU COULD PULL EVEN WITH TRUMP AND CLINTON IN THESE
POLLS?
>> I DO.
AND IT WOULDN'T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH MY DEBATE
PERFORMANCE.
EITHER IT WOULD JUST BE THAT PEOPLE WOULD RECOGNIZE THAT
THERE'S ANOTHER CHOICE AND THAT THERE WOULD BE AN EXAMINATION OF
ME AND BILL WELD AS WHO WE ARE AND WHAT WE'VE DONE, AND BASED
ON THAT, I THINK I COULD STAND UP THERE FOR THE WHOLE DEBATE
AND NOT SAY ANYTHING AND EMERGE AS THE LEADER.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
( MOCKING ) >> STEPHEN: I THINK THAT PARK
BENCH IS WHERE GARY JOHNSON LIVES.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
AND IT DOESN'T GET MUCH BETTER WHEN YOU CAN UNDERSTAND HIM.
FOR EXAMPLE, TAKE HIS POSITION ON CLIMATE CHANGE, AS HE
EXPLAINED BACK IN 2011.
>> CHANGE.
I THINK THE WORLD IS GETTING WARMER.
I THINK IT'S MAN-CAUSED.
WE SHOULD BUILDING NEW COAL-FIRED PLANTS.
SHOULD WE TAKE THE LONG-TERM VIEW WHEN IT COMES TO GLOBAL
WARMING?
I THINK WE SHOULD.
THE LONG TERM VIEW IS THAT, IN BILLIONS OF YEARS, THE SUN IS
GOING TO ACTUALLY GROW AND ENCOMPASS THE EARTH, RIGHT?
SO GLOBAL WARMING IS IN OUR IN OUR FUTURE.
( LAUGHTER ) >> STEPHEN: THAT'S THE SAME
EXCUSE I USE AROUND THE HOUSE.
"SORRY, HONEY, I'D TAKE OUT THE TRASH, BUT IN A COUPLE OF
BILLION YEARS THE SUN IS GOING TO ENGULF THE EARTH, SO, WHAT'S
THE POINT?" JUST A FEW DAYS AGO, JOHNSON
CLARIFIED HIS POSITION, SAYING THAT HIS LONG TERM SOLUTION TO
GLOBAL WARMING IS THAT "WE DO HAVE TO INHABIT OTHER PLANETS."
I BELIEVE GARY JOHNSON ALREADY DOES.
( APPLAUSE ) GARY JOHNSON SEEMS LIKE A BIT OF
A MASOCHIST, AND IT'S NOT JUST BITING HIS TONGUE.
ACCORDING TO THE ECONOMIST, "HE ONCE SHUT HIMSELF INSIDE A
FREEZER TO PROVE HE COULD WITHSTAND THE COLD," AND HE
CLAMPED AN ALLIGATOR CLIP ONTO HIS TONGUE TO SHOW HE COULD
WITHSTAND PAIN.
WHICH MEANS IF HE DOESN'T WIN THE PRESIDENCY, HE'S STILL GOT A
GOOD SHOT TO BE IN THE NEXT "JACKASS" MOVIE.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
GOOD MOVIE.
REALLY GOOD MOVIE.
HE DIDN'T HELP HIS CHANCES EARLIER THIS MONTH ON MSNBC'S
"THE COFFEE JOE MORNING SHOW" WHEN COFFEE JOE BARNACLE ASKED
HIM HIS POSITION ON THE EPICENTER OF THE SYRIAN REFUGEE
CRISIS, ALEPPO.
>> AND WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOU WERE ELECTED, ABOUT ALEPPO?
>> ABOUT...?
>> ALEPPO.
>> AND WHAT IS ALEPPO?
>> YOU'RE KIDDING.
>> STEPHEN: YES.
OBVIOUSLY, HE'S JUST KIDDING!
IT'S A JOKE: KNOCK-KNOCK.
WHO'S THERE?
400,000 REFUGEEES.
NO SURPRISE JOHNSON IS POLLING AT NEARLY 37% AMONG MILITARY
SERVICE MEMBERS -- BECAUSE IF THE PRESIDENT DOESN'T
KNOW ABOUT SYRIA, THERE'S NO WAY HE'S SENDING YOU THERE.
( APPLAUSE ) I THINK WE JUST APPLAUDED FOR
IGNORANCE.
YAY!
WHAT ARE WE APPLAUDING FOR?
WE DON'T KNOW!
I'M WITH YOU, MY FRIENDS.
AND JUST LAST NIGHT, JOHNSON MADE ANOTHER GAFFE AT AN MSNBC
TOWN HALL.
>> WHO'S YOUR FAVORITE FOREIGN LEADER?
>> WHO'S MY FAVORITE-- >> ANY, JUST NAME ANYWHERE IN
THE COUNTRY, ANY ONE OF THE CONTINENTS, ANY COUNTRY.
NAME ONE FOREIGN LEADER THAT YOU RESPECT AND LOOK UP TO.
ANYBODY.
( EXHALES ) YOU GOT TO DO THIS.
ANYWHERE.
ANY CONTINENT.
CANADA?
MEXICO?
EUROPE, OVER THERE?
ASIAN?
SOUTH AMERICA?
AFRICA?
NAME A FOREIGN LEADER THAT YOU RESPECT.
>> I GUESS I'M HAVING AN ALEPPO MOMENT.
>> STEPHEN: THAT IS AN ALEPPO MOMENT BECAUSE BOMBING LIKE
THAT SHOULD BE A WAR CRIME.
EVENTUALLY, JOHNSON WAS BAILED OUT BY HIS RUNNING MATE, FORMER
MASSACHUSETTS GOVERNOR AND GUY WHO'LL BE PLAYED IN THE SHOWTIME
MINISERIES BY A WHEEL OF CHEESE, WILLIAM WELD.
>> ANYBODY IN THE WORLD YOU LIKE.
ANYBODY!
PICK ANY LEADER!
>> THE FORMER PRESIDENT OF MEXICO.
>> WHICH ONE?
>> (SIGHS HEAVILY) I'M HAVING A BRAIN, I'M HAVING A
BRAIN-- >> WELL, NAME ANYBODY.
>> FOX?
ZEDILLO?
>> FOX!
THANK YOU!
>> WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE LEADER?
>> GET HIM OFF THE HOOK, NAME A FOREIGN LEADER.
>> FOX!
>> STEPHEN: FOX!
THAT'S IT!
MEXICAN PRESIDENT MEGAN FOX!
( LAUGHTER ) OBVIOUSLY, GARY JOHNSON'S
IGNORANCE, CRAZY IDEAS AND STRANGE TONGUE EXERCISES MAKE
HIM THE MOST LAUGHABLE CANDIDATE OUT THERE.
OR, SHOULD.
( LAUGHTER ) BUT THINGS MIGHT BE LOOKING UP
FOR GARY JOHNSON BECAUSE IT WAS JUST ANNOUNCED THAT FORMER
NICKOLODEON STAR MELISSA JOAN HART WAS NAMED CHAIR OF HIS
CONNECTICUT CAMPAIGN.
THAT'S RIGHT!
CLARISSA.
PERFECT.
HE COULD REALLY USE SOMEONE WHO EXPLAINS IT ALL TO HIM.
( APPLAUSE ) POINT IS, HE'S STAYING IN THE
RACE-- DESPITE FIVE-THIRTY-EIGHT GIVING HIM A LESS THAN 0.1%
CHANCE OF WINNING IN NOVEMBER.
SO VOTING FOR JOHNSON MIGHT BE THROWING YOUR VOTE AWAY, BUT
IN BILLIONS OF YEARS, THE SUN IS GOING TO SWALLOW THE EARTH
ANYWAY.
( LAUGHTER ) WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORGAN
FREEMAN.