Are you wanting to learn about positive parenting? Are you wondering what is an
effect of positive parenting on a child? Well, that's what we're going to be talking about
in this video. I'm Nicholeen Peck, I teach all over the world about relationships, parenting,
good communication and child development and we are going to be talking
about positive parenting and what that looks like and the best way to do it in this video.
In this video, I'm going to share a little bit of an understanding of positive parenting and then
what some of those effects of positive parenting are and how to take your positive parenting to
the next level. The idea of positive parenting has been growing more and more over the years.
I remember when I was a young mom, my children are all pretty much adults at this point. When
I was a young mom, I remember reading a book about positive parenting and thinking you know this is
actually pretty good. It was a book by Glenn Latham, it was called "The Power of Positive Parenting" and
I thought well this is really wonderful. I did find that there were a few things in the book
that could have been made more simple though so we're going to be talking about some of those
coming up and some other books that might even be more beneficial just to keep things streamlined
for your family but what is positive parenting, like let's take a quick look at that. So when a
parent is working on positive parenting, they're really focused on investing with their child,
okay, having good positive interactions with the child so that everything doesn't feel
negative or like they are militant and emotional. They don't want that kind of feeling with their
child which makes total sense, right? So parents who are doing positive parenting, they are very
involved with the children. They want to be there, they want to be part of how the child learns and
grows and develops. They want to have an active role in that childhood development, they are very
invested in the success of their children. Now sometimes I will say I've noticed in recent
years some parents get a little over invested where the parents start trying to have the child
succeed for their own benefit which actually then can be detrimental so let's be careful about that.
We know that the positive parent type parent is the one who really wants the best of the best,
which is why they're investing so much. And I do recommend that if we're going to make these great
investments into strengthening the bonds with our children, which is what the positive parent really
is hoping for, that we definitely invest in changing ourselves
as well as invest in helping our children to grow. In order to create this connection that occurs,
a lot of parents who are trying to do positive parenting will be very predictable in their speech.
So, they'll try to use the same words again and again with the same types of interactions. So
that it's more clear for the child and so that the child probably has less anxiety
associated with interactions that need to happen. So, parents try to make it so that they are easily
understood by their child. The hope of this is to increase the bond, of course. So, what are some
of the effects of this type of positive parenting? I've seen positive and negative effects. Yep, it's
true even though it's called positive of parenting there are some people who don't necessarily apply
it in a way that leads toward positive effects, however if it is done well, if a person really
truly is adhering to the principles of positive parenting and they are even taking it to the next
level which I'm going to be talking about here in a minute, then that positive parenting ends up
creating as an effect increased bonding and unity in the family, increased trust in the relationships,
hopefully some skill development, more predictability, less anxiety, also a more
positive environment which should be a given considering the title positive parenting, right?
But also should make it that when a child gets corrected, which should happen still consistently,
should make it that the child has an easier time accepting corrections from parents. Now, this brings
me to where it can sometimes go wrong. So, there is an effect that some parents think everything needs
to be positive and there can't ever be any show or sign of negative consequences and there's not
going to be any correcting, they just try to divert the child's attention towards something positive.
Well, that's actually not completely honest. In fact that type of adaptation of positive parenting
lacks integrity because we're not presenting the whole truth. A person needs to be able to be okay
accepting a consequence in order to truly have self-government and self-mastery for their lives
and so a parent needs to present that, it's our job as trainers and teachers of our children
to let them know when they need to course correct, which means that they need to feel that it's safe
to be corrected which means that those corrections can happen in a positive way. That doesn't mean
that there are cheery and happy but what it does mean that a parent doesn't take the child's
misbehavior personally, the parent maintains calmness, the child learns how to be calm and
accept consequences and everything is seen as just a learning moment, not necessarily that someone was
bad. Many people are so afraid of showing their children that they've been bad that they don't
even correct the children and then the result is the child develops entitlement. So, if you don't
want your child to get into that entitled mindset, then what you need to do is you need to make sure
you consistently correct and consistently praise but you do it all with a spirit of
optimism, a spirit of this is just a learning moment, no big deal, right? We can learn this, we can
correct this and it's okay to accept a correction and to find out you need to fix something and
move on, that's when you're really helping a person become emotionally strong. So, let's talk about how
to set up that environment. Let's take this to the next level because I definitely have a lot to add
to the positive parenting discussion. Like I said, for years I've known what positive parenting is.
It was one of the first parenting books I ever read was about positive parenting but I recognized
there were places that we could beef it up and I learned this by doing treatment foster care
for troubled teens. They were all between the ages of 12 and 18. I had to help give them treatment
and bring them to a place where they would have a change of heart and learn self-mastery
and I realized there were pieces missing from the positive parenting discussion that I could
definitely add in after I started working with these troubled children. So, let me help you take
your positive parenting to the next level. Before we take our parenting to the next level, hit that
subscribe button. There are great videos about positive parenting as well as many other things
that come out on this channel every day and you are not going to want to miss them. So, what takes
are positive parenting to the next level? Skill development and a lot more deliberate action. Some
of the things that I did with my foster children and my own family, I've raised four children too
of my own, is we created a deliberate plan for where we were headed as a family. I didn't try
to just make things positive when I talk to the children, we actually planned as a family where we
were going and we planned certain meetings for how we would check up on our progress going in that
direction and we learned skills for how to solve our problems. They learned the exact words that I
would say if I was going to correct them when they had a problem. So I mean talk about predictable,
right? That is super predictable, super low anxiety so that the children knew what they had to accept
because one of their skills that I taught them which was one of the four basic skills was how
to accept consequences. The four basic skills that I trained my children on were how to follow
instructions, accept "no" answers and criticism, accept consequences and disagree appropriately.
They need to learn their four skills and my five skills that I use to correct the problems
if they occur, that way they know everything. No surprises, no manipulations. When a person learns
self-government which is what I'm trying to teach them and practice myself, that means everybody's
on the same page and we have a plan for how we're going to communicate with each other.
Self-government is the next level of positive parenting. Positive parenting is a great movement.
Like I said, sometimes it can go off a little bit but for the most part it has led us in a direction
that makes our home environments feel a little bit more safe and more connected. But now let's take
it to the next level. Let's give the children the adult skill development that they need for success,
let's teach them how to handle the problems. Let's give them those skills so that they are
not struggling with increased anxiety and worries. Sometimes when everything is happy and fluffy and
nice, children don't develop the anti-fragility skills that they need in order to make it into
adulthood and beyond. We need to give them those things too, that is what teaching self-government
is all about. Creating environments where children and parents can be emotionally strong and united
together, which totally match all of the goals for positive parenting. Because you stayed with me
all the way to the end of this video, I would like to give you a free gift. This free gift will help
you right now start taking your positive parenting to the next level. That free gift is called the
Calm Parenting toolkit. So in the description below this video, there is a link to the Calm
Parenting toolkit. It's one of the top links. Click on that link and you can have that course, it's a
mini course called the Calm Parenting toolkit for free. Completely for free. My purpose and
everything that I do for teaching self-government is try to help heal families to create children
who are strong and confident and to create family bonds in this world and I know calmness
is a key piece to that. So, click on that Calm Parenting toolkit today and I'll see you there.