Hey guys, welcome back. Thanks for joining me for another video
So this week's video a viewer had a question and she had emailed me and said, you know
I have a question regarding the other woman and I want to know what causes
this woman to date or hook up with a married man a man that she blatantly knows is in a relationship or married and
how can
Herself or the wife of a partner? Stop comparing?
Herself to this woman and obsessing about that relationship the first things that you have to understand
Regarding a man leaving you for another woman or cheating on you
Repeatedly with the same woman is that this person does not value commitment?
The fact of the matter is there are two things that can happen. Number one. This man could have felt an attraction
for this woman there can be times when we're in environments where we might feel an attraction to someone either emotion emotionally or physically but
when you take it to the next level and
Indulge in the attraction indulge in the emotional affair that you're now having that basically is someone that doesn't value
Commitment and they don't value your heart
Now a mature grown-up person will be able to take a step back and say okay
This is actually going too far now and I'm in a relationship and I can't keep putting myself in these
Environments because it's not good for my relationship and they would feel guilt it would feel shame in
Order to stop themselves from going forward
This person is emotionally immature is not grown up because they don't have that guilt or shame
They don't value commitment and honesty and integrity they don't have integrity
And if you're dealing with someone who's narcissistic?
Then they're just gonna do whatever they want to ensure that they get in our statistics apply. That's just period point-blank
So your feelings your heart your emotions?
They're never taken under consideration
and so that's why a lot of times when you hear people that have had long-term affairs or
You know are repeated cheaters it is that type of a personality someone that possibly could have narcissistic
Personality disorder because it takes a special
person in order to play this game over and over in order to play this character and essentially live two separate lives and it takes
special person to not feel any
Empathy or guilt or shame for what they're doing for the person that they supposedly love especially if they have to go home to this
person every single night
Knowing what they're doing knowing what they did and still play that character of a loving husband a loving boyfriend loving wife
That takes a special person and that's not a normal healthy person
Whatsoever. This man was attracted to this woman right off the bat essentially what she did is
She just gave him a quick hi because he doesn't value commitment. He doesn't value honesty integrity
So if he doesn't value it in your relationship
There's no way he's gonna honor it and value it in that
Relationship and healthy people do not jump from one relationship to the next they don't see this quick hi and just begin
Indulging in it
They take responsibility for the fact that they're in a relationship
And that what they're getting on the side right now is just a quick fix
It's just a quick hi that they're getting in order to basically avoid the relationship that they're in they're avoiding taking
responsibility for their part in the relationship
so they're either blaming you in their minds for why the
Relationship isn't working that
you're not satisfying them or you're not doing this or you do too much of that and
Instead of owning their part in the relationship and trying to fix it
what they're doing is they're deflecting from all of that and just
indulging in the selfishness of whatever it is that they want to do which is this relationship what I want you to understand is that
If this person doesn't value commitment with you
Even if they're not in love with you anymore and that can sometimes happen to you know
Maybe we don't feel as attracted to our partner as we once did maybe emotionally there's really nothing there
maybe we're falling out of love with that that you know our partner that that does happen, but
The fact is what they're getting on the side is just a quick fix. It's just a quick hi
It's a distraction. This person is just a distraction is just a quick fix or a quick quick
Hi that your boyfriend or husband or girlfriend is getting because they don't want to take responsibility for
This relationship at all and what's going wrong with it, then that that's not a special relationship
That's not a relationship. That's going to have longevity
And even if it does have longevity, it's not a relationship. That's going to be healthy
the next thing is you cannot obsess about the smoke and mirrors and what I mean by that is if you have been
Recently abandoned if your husband has left you for another woman if your wife has left you for another man
Nine times out of ten. They have just found the love of their life
That is that they have found this person it wasn't you even though they thought it was you now. It's this person
It's all smoke and mirrors so you can't be envious of those things
Because again that person does not value commitment that person is not emotionally healthy. That person is probably
narcissistic on some level and so that's not something to be envious about and when someone does something wrong
Especially someone who's a narcissistic that is not gonna take accountability for their actions
When someone does something that's wrong and they don't want to feel the guilt and the shame of what they did
They're going to do whatever they can do to deflect that feeling away from themselves
And in order to do that
sometimes people have to portray this image that they're just so
Happy and that they finally found the love of their life
Everything is just so amazing in order to prove to the world
to themselves that they did nothing wrong that their actions were justified when you do see these things not take it so
Personally because it has nothing to do with you. They're doing it essentially like a little child is screaming for attention
That's all they basically want
They need to prove to the world that they're a great person that they're really happy in this relationship
and that they weren't happy with you and
again, if they were truly happy what they would have done is ended your relationship with honesty integrity and
Done it the right way. But instead what they did is they did everything wrong and instead of sitting in that feeling
They're gonna deflect by you know
putting on a show now the next thing that I want you to understand is this person actually did you a favor and
I know you may not see it right now because you might be right in the midst of doing this
But I promise you when all of this fades away and you've done all the work on yourself
And you're at a really great place. That is something that you are going to say over and over and over
You're gonna say, oh my god. I dodged a bullet you will get to a point. I promise you
where you can see everything for what it is once
you know your self worth and self value and you work on yourself and you will a
thousand percent look at the situation and actually be able to thank the person
They did you a favor because they didn't love you and you don't want to be in a relationship. That doesn't
That you don't want to be in a relationship with someone that doesn't value you
That doesn't see how amazing of a human being you actually are someone that doesn't love you at your core flaws and all
You don't want to be with a person like that. And I'm sorry, this is just my own personal leave
I don't think people like that have those deep connections in relationships
They're just not equipped to
Because if they were able to have a really truly deep connection with another person
They could have never done what they did to you cheating is one thing
Leaving someone for someone else and having an emotional affair or a physical affair
That is completely different at least in my book in my personal opinion
Because again we can make a mistake once but when we continuously make this mistake
That means that even if you weren't in love with that person that you didn't value
You don't value another human being because really that's what it comes down to do
I want to cause this person so much pain by doing something
That's so selfish because I don't want to be a grown man or a you know
a grown woman and handle this the right way and the other part of this is
There were probably red flags throughout your relationship that you didn't see and even if there weren't blatant red flags
I'm sure that there were times when you didn't set firm boundaries with someone when you didn't tell this person
How you want it to be treated and even if you did you didn't follow through with it
You didn't assert yourself in a loving and healthy way not saying that you allowed this to happen
But you probably assumed this person was on the same page as you you probably saw a few things in this person
that were things that you
wanted but you didn't look at all the other things that this person does that does not is not in line with
What you want in a partner and again from personal experience?
That's what happened to me is I saw a few things that I was like, okay
this is definitely something that I want a partner, but I
neglected to look at all the other red flags all the other things that
were hitting me in the face as blatant signs that this person was not right for me and
And it was and it was that connection. There was no deep connection. There was no deep friendship
There was no unconditional love there was no
Supporting me in regardless of what I did
you know being my biggest cheerleader as I was for him there wasn't that type of real deep connection in the relationship it was
more of a surface, excuse me service level relationship and
that's probably what they're doing going forward because you have to know how to have those deep connections with people you have to just be
one of those people that
That is a value to you is to be able to connect with your partner on those levels
And I don't think that people that can have these affairs and just leave you for someone else abruptly
They're not able they're not quit to have those types of relationships
They're gonna end up with a trophy wife or they're gonna end up with a person that is just using them as well
And the other part of her question was you know, she wanted to know
Why do women hook up with married man? There's a lot of reasons for this number one
A lot of women are just addicted to drama. They're just addicted to bad boys
They blatantly see the red flags too, and they don't care
They want to be the one that changes him into like the good guy or the family, man
But he'll never be that person and she'll never be that woman because they're not equipped to be that person
They might be equipped for a few years. They might be able to play a character for a little while
But at their core that's not who they are and eventually that mask will fade
It may not fade as fast as it did in your relationship
But eventually it will because it's just who they are. The other reason is the woman has no responsibility
She doesn't have to deal with him. She just gets to play house with him essentially. Like let's play house. Let's pretend
especially if the man or the woman has children and
She doesn't or he doesn't then great they get to take your children and play house and again
portray something on social media like their big family because there it all stems from insecurity it all stems from
Something that's lacking within themselves a hole within themselves or just internal wounds that they haven't dealt with and also they believe the story
That this person gave them so this person is only hearing one side of the story
They're hearing the story of your you know, your man your husband your boyfriend your girlfriend your wife
Whatever, they're not hearing your side of the story and even if they did
even if you sat down with them and said well
You know what?
This is what happened to my relationship
And this is how this person behaves they're not gonna see it because they're probably either
Infatuated with them in love with them or whatever
um
or maybe just
wanting to hurt you because they're actually jealous of you and that's another big thing with women that you know date married men and that
Seeking of drama is a lot of the times that insecurity is really just downright jealousy
remember a married man is less demanding in this affair that they're having with this other woman so she gets
Basically the wining and dining and she gets you know
Like let's meet up and have sex and let's do flirty text messages while we're at work
She gets all of that like stuff that you probably had in the beginning of your relationship
She gets the same thing
Because it's the same cycle that's being repeated over and over again because this person again is not equipped to have
Normal healthy adult relationships. They're not equipped to have a deep connection
So that's just how they start relationships off is just with a lot of superficial things and this woman or this man
Thinks that they're special they think that oh my god
I'm the person that this person is changing from and they didn't really love their ex-spouse
But they love me because they do all of these things for me when in reality
They don't realize that
He also did it to you or she also gave you the same amount of attention and it was the same thing
when you first met them any woman that can hook up with a married man, you know is just an
insecure person
Really and truly is that she gets off?
She gets a high knowing that he's actually
Leaving his wife coming to her and she's really getting the sloppy seconds
So even if you know he loved you for her
She got a sloppy second. She didn't get a man that was fully committed to her
Even from the beginning because even if he wasn't in love with you or wasn't attracted to you
He still was in a relationship with you
So he had to still play a character and for me I would want a man all to myself
I wouldn't want to have to share him with anyone whether he's in love with his ex-wife or not and I guarantee you
even if you struggle with comparing yourself to someone else or even if you struggle with the hurt that you have gone through
You know during this transition and what you've been through
I'm definitely not downplaying at all. But I will say that one of the things that will help you recover
overcome and be able to have a even better life than you've actually thought you were gonna have with this person is when you just
focus on yourself promise you if you do the work you will attract an
Amazing partner someone that you never thought you could ever possibly attract
Before so. I hope that that has helped you guys. If you have any questions, please leave some comments down below. I love reading them
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