New, one other very fast call here.
We're going to go now over to the state of Texas. Hi Scott. How are you?
Oh, I'm getting by. Thank you. Thank you for taking my call.
So this a little bit of background.
My wife had started to pull away from me about a year and a half ago,
somewhere in her ring and didn't want to kiss or hug and those kinds of things.
And when I asked about it, I would always get some kind of answer. And I,
so I, I, I didn't really realize what was going on this past November.
She told me she wants to separate. I was devastated obviously.
Um,
I've come to find out since then that she's been having an affair
and I made all the classic mistakes before I,
before I found you all know I did the begging and pleading and let's go to
marriage counseling. We picked a terrible marriage counselor.
And so I've been,
I've been watching your videos and working with rusty and try to get my wife to
come to Nashville so far. She just shut me down on that basket at times.
Um,
so I'm trying to figure out before I stopped snooping on the phone,
um, you know, I'd found out that about the fair that way.
And also she'd filed for divorce before,
before even telling me any of this was going on. Um,
so I'd been playing catch up,
but I'm trying to determine whether this affair is purely sexual
or whether she's in limits. Um,
there's evidence of both. And, and I'm trying to determine, I guess,
which one and whether that matters, you know,
the texts that I saw would indicate that a lot of times she would,
uh, reach out to him and see if he was busy or whatever.
And sometimes he would say, yeah, come over. Or sometimes he would say, no,
my daughter, she need her briefing. You know? Um, I can't do it today.
I'm getting a haircut. There's never been any, like, I love you.
I can't wait to be together or anything like that.
A lot of them, their behaviors.
Are also, yeah, that's what I was thinking.
But then a lot of her behaviors are also sort of like what I,
what I heard you say in your podcast about limits,
where she's rewriting history and telling me she never loved me. And, um.
Scott Scott understand that she could be in limerence and he may not be
that happens.
Sometimes you have one person who is in limerence and the other person just
taking advantage of the situation.
And so there is a possibility that she could be in limerence, but he's not.
And he's just taking advantage of, and what he can take advantage of here would,
would any of that change what you do knowing that one way or the other?
That's what I'm kind of wondering, like, should it matter?
And the reason I'm asking is because she is not admitted this to me, she,
she, she is, I've asked her if there was someone else. And she said, no,
and I've caught her in several lies.
My daughter also asked her if there was someone else.
And she also told my daughter, no, I can understand her,
not wanting to come clean with that.
I recently tried at that.
They're working with rusty and I've been working with Vinny as my coach.
And they kind of gave me some pointers about how to,
how to try to ask her to come to Nashville, to be with you all.
And just did that.
I had a business trip last week and I had asked her and she, you know,
she seemed like she was open to the possibility, but then when I got home,
not only have we not talked about it,
but all I got was really a note from my lawyer. I had the lawyer up based on,
you know, what she was doing. And all I got was, you know, see,
she is still set against reconciliation and we need to move this divorce
forward. Her, her,
her thing is she just wants to move this divorce forward as soon as possible.
And even though it's obviously detrimental to the kids and it's
detrimental to our financial situation, she doesn't care.
That leads me to believe that it might be lemons because she's not really being
rational.
But when it went up, when it comes down to it, my friend, Scott,
it really is the same. You would be doing the same things,
whether she's in limits or not. If you obviously, you still love this woman,
right?
I definitely do. Yeah.
And I understand that you want to make this marriage work and we're on your
side. We would love to help you do that if we can.
But in this situation that you're in, it's the same thing,
the same steps you would do, whether it was just sexual or whether it's limits,
which means that because you cannot change her, you can only change you.
And that's why we talk about the pies and a safe place.
I thought you were going to say something here. No, I didn't know you want,
and yes. I mean, I agree. It doesn't, it doesn't change what you do. I mean,
when reckons, when a time, when time comes for reconciliation,
different things like that, it might make a little bit of a difference,
but right now it doesn't right now. And if you want to know more about pies,
you have done a few videos on the past, the physical, intellectual, emotional,
spiritual that's what pies are. And, um,
if you go to youtube.com/marriage helper
subscribing that way,
you'll know because we put two or three new videos a week over there,
and there's over 300 videos on that site right now.
It's not the same as coming to our workshop. And Scott,
I really do hope that at some point she chooses to come with you.
We'd love to meet you and love to meet her,
but for all rescue you guys out there and Scott as well,
there's a lot of it is it's pretty 300 adding about three a week.
And if you're subscribed, you can know about all of those things.