﻿When it comes to a relationship, you probably have these moments of second guessing yourself.
You're probably thinking, am I with the right person, sometimes they don’t even
understand me, or I could do way better. Then you look around you and see your friend
dating someone with beauty, intelligence and emotional stability. And think how do they do it?
In this video, we’ll break down what compromising looks like in a relationship and whether you
should compromise plus we will show you several tips on how you can assess your own situation
I am going to focus on men compromising with women since this is my own personal experience here,
but these concepts will apply to you all. Also let’s assume when talking about compromising
it is considered to consist of attractiveness, social class, wealth and intelligence.
Okay so let's start with a few examples that have one thing in common, see if you can guess
what step one when it comes to compromising Have you ever seen a celebrity who is a 10/ 10 in
the looks department and then you see the person they are dating and you're like, are you joking!
A quick google will hit you with a few couples ranging from Cameron Diaz and Benji Madden
to Kourtney Kardashian and Travis Barker Find video clips of the kk/TB dating / chatting
Celebrities and us alike all have someone we know
who is dating someone better looking and subsequently out of their league
and whilst the outside world may look at a couple and judge them, they too
know that attractiveness is a quality that we question when compromising in a relationship.
If you feel you are a 6/10 on the attractive scale then quite simply you will emit this to the world.
It will affect your confidence, your choice of clothing, the venues you frequent and subsequently
the women you date. You act in accordance with your identity as it is your comfort zone.
A Lot of celebrities know they are in their position for their talent
mixed with ambition yet looks does play a large part. This is then reinforced with large
paychecks boosting their confidence further as a reinforcement mechanism that they are doing right.
And who wants to date celebrities,well, good looking women and men that's who.
The dilemma of compromising in a relationship occurs when we look at our peers and friends
and subconsciously compare ourselves in terms of attractiveness. And sadly we seek out our zones
of comfort and seek to find another 6/10 to match our conception of us. If only we had a stronger
self image we would seek out more attractive individuals and not have moments of despair
if our partner is not attractive enough. But looks aren't everything… (Find video clips of
jlo maid in manhattan) If Jlo taught us anything from the movie Maid in Manhattan it's that there
is also an invisible barrier of social class that can cause us to compromise in a relationship.
Thankfully one thing the world is getting better is being a more inclusive society.
Your social class is your economic status, or the economic status of your parents.
People in the same social class usually have similar experiences, such
as a similar level of education and type of work. People who grow up in the same social class are
likely to share the same interests and values. This is because they are raised in an environment
where these things are important. No real shockers there, when I date
people I look for shared interests, and it becomes pretty hard if you date a billionaire
or museum curator as dating requires some common ground to progress.
One example is Kate Middleton and Prince William. (Find video clips of Kate Middelton
and Prince William )For all intents and purposes let's keep it simple,
when they met he was a royal she was not. Since the beginning of Monarchies they have
managed to build a wall of hostility to outsiders as they felt a power struggle could emerge.
You only need to look no further than the torment Prince Williams’ mother Princess Diana endured.
But did William compromise? Some will say he did and that he should
have stayed within the royal confines but let’s be real for a moment, these are two
well educated people who are genuinely attracted to each other for their own reasons and whilst
inside the palace walls im sure words of panic would have run through the halls initially
its safe to say Kate the Duchess is close to the most perfect royal we have ever seen.
Money, the taboo subject that we don’t like talking about, will divide many individuals
when it comes to relationships but thankfully we certainly are leading with our heart
rather than our wallets these days. This leads us neatly to our next example, social class.
You are not compromising when it comes to meeting someone outside your social circle
but it does come with its caveats. In a relationship, power is crucial. Power has
an impact on the way you interact with others in a group, whether it's between partners,
friends, or individuals. Personality or education might give you a leg up on another person,
resulting in a stronger personality or more educated individual having greater power
in the partnership. I'm pretty sure if you date someone from Eton College they will let
you know they went to Eton early in the dating phase.(Find a video clips of student at ETON )
But of all the factors influencing power in a relationship, social class is a major player.
Money matters because money means opportunity. If you are in a relationship with a person from
a different social class and do not think you are compromising, you need to be brutally honest with
yourself about how you feel about the social status difference, and have heart-to-heart
discussions about this difference and its potential impact on how you relate to each other.
And it's pretty clear that one thing is going to fall out of the social class struggle and that is
the next relationship issue, the wealth divide. (Find a video clips of Lady Branson and Chauffeur
Tom from Downtown )Lady Branson and Chauffeur Tom falling in love may have set hearts racing
in the TV series Downton Abbey. But the reality would mean entertaining a social lifestyle.
It can be tricky, as everyone, you and me included value money in different ways.
If you prefer a cocktail at £15 at an elegant bar, I might be thinking how many beers can £15 buy me!
Whilst it may not be a dealbreaker if this represents two people in a relationship
how can you ever get past go if you want to build a life together when you can’t
even decide on where to get a drink. Because of their class distinctions,
some couples kept separate sets of pals, and many had difficulties integrating into each
other's families. Couples' viewpoints on money are not always aligned;
lower-class partners get irritated by upper-class partners' frequent spending.
It can be hard for someone who has always had money to understand the realities of someone who
doesn't have money. This is what one person from a lower-class background said about their partner:
“When you don't know where your next meal is coming from… there’s only so much I can teach.”
And this is where wealth trickles into another element
of the compromising equation; intelligence. (Find a video clips of student at HARVEY AND
SCOTTIE From Suits ) Harvey Specter, the suave hotshot lawyer in the Suits Tv series
was Mr Alpha who could do no wrong, he even dated fellow lawyer Scottie.
Both were drawn to each other due to their highly similar personalities and ethics.
Naturally intelligent conversation flowed between them.
Its not hard to visualise if you go on a date with someone with a rocket scientist
and you simply are Personal Trainer, you may find conversation a bit dry.
I am not insinuating that anyone is not intelligent. But there are varying degrees
of information required for each job. The rocket scientist may not be interested in bench press
and the Trainer may equally not be interested in fuel distribution between jet engines.
What I'm saying is that it's not hard to see a few roadblocks on the horizon here,
and each party might feel they are struggling to adjust to each other's wavelength.
But despite all this The problem with compromising is the term itself, not the by products mentioned
earlier, Yea its going to be different if you date someone with significantly more money
but nothing you can't adjust to. Conversely if they are from an
entirely different world to you then why not relish the new experience and learn.
Ultimately it rests with you, as you have to be comfortable in your own skin. You should
never feel like you are compromising down the line in a relationship because at the beginning
it was a decision and path you chose to take. If i were you i would remove the word compromise
from your vocabulary, it does nothing but bring about feelings of inadequacy and negativity,
if you really want to change the assess your own situation, by asking yourself the following;
What do I enjoy about my partner? What makes me feel like I am compromising?
What evidence do you have to support your feelings?
How could you change your feeling to be more comfortable with the situation?
What steps could you take right now to change your beliefs?
Be yourself and communicate early with your partner, relationships are an essential part of
life and an ever evolving journey. For more on Finding love check our playlist on screen now!