(coughing)
- Sorry.
Hey guys!
So I probably should've made this video
before I went "mixing in apples" for about three weeks,
but the reason I haven't posted in a while
is because, well, there's actually three reasons why.
The first reason is because I recently just got back
from Singapore and Malaysia 'cause I had a couple of shows.
It looked something like this:
(fans cheer)
(fans scream)
The second reason is pretty obvious.
I'm sure you guys can hear it, but I got pretty sick on that trip
and it looked something like this:
(coughing)
Sorry.
And finally, last but not least, the third reason is because, well,
I'm filming a movie!!!
(voice squeaks) Listen to my voice.
Let me do another take.
The last reason is because I'm filming a movie,
since you couldn't understand what I just said.
That's right, I'm a freaking mainstream Hollywood movie star now.
Well, I mean, I'm not exactly the star of the film,
so I guess you can't really call me a movie star,
and it's not exactly mainstream because it's an independent film,
and it's not even shot in Hollywood.
It's shot in downtown LA.
But it's still a real movie, okay, and I'm still a real movie star.
I had so many lines. It looked just like this:
- (man) No buttons.
Guess they really don't want us to leave.
- (scoffs) Who would want to leave?
(swaggy music)
I'm a movie star. Look at this hair.
Okay, even though I'm making jokes right now, it's true.
I really have been working on a movie.
And I'm not gonna lie, it's been a little tough for me.
And I know a lot of you guys think that I'm a good actor,
but acting in a movie is completely different from what I do here,
especially since the movie I'm doing is actually not even a comedy.
It's actually a thriller/horror/...
I don't know what it is. I didn't read the script.
The point that I'm trying to tell you guys is that I'm a movie star now.
I'm famous :P.
I don't have time to be doing these silly amateur non-movie videos any more.
I'm moving on.
I'm "movie-ing" on. (chuckles)
See? I'm funny too. I'm so funny.
Look, Hollywood called and they wanted me to be a movie star.
Okay, well, maybe they haven't called yet,
but they're going to because I have everything it takes.
I'm going to be the next movie star.
Here's all the reasons why I SHOULD be the next movie star:
(funky music)
I can cry on demand.
The moment I saw you cry
(sobbing)
I can't stand the paparazzi.
Oh, please ma'am, no photos today, please.
No photos.
I have an agent that I always yell at.
Look, you've been my agent for over a year.
Where are all my auditions?!
- Sir, this is State Farm. I'm your insurance agent.
- I walk the red carpet pretty much every single night.
(water drains)
(crowd cheers)
- I always take a really long pause before I say things
to make them more dramatic.
- Hey, Ryan, you wanna go grab lunch soon?
(dramatic music)
- Yeah.
Not to mention, I always make the fans scream.
(fans scream in horror)
- Oh my god!
- Ouch, Charlie!
- And I'm already on a show called Teen Wolf,
which many of you might know.
It's just that people don't recognize me because of the makeup.
You can even ask some of my co-stars from the movie I'm doing right now.
They have already seen and witnessed the awesomeness that is my acting,
and these guys, they love me.
They're gonna tell you how great I really am.
Like Nathan Kress, for example.
A lot of you guys may know him from the infamous TV show, iCarly.
He knows I'm good.
- (Ryan) Uh, Nathan? - (Nathan) Yeah?
Uh, hey, Ryan.
- (Ryan) Could I ask you a question?
- No, Ryan, you can't.
Because I know what you're gonna ask.
You're gonna ask me if you're a good actor,
and you're not a good actor, okay?
Now let me go do my work.
- (Ryan) Oop, yeah. I wasn't going to ask that, but--
- Yes, you were. - (Ryan) Oh.
Hey, I'm going to come in.
- NOOOOOO!
- (Ryan) Okay!
Like I said, Nathan was on iCourtney, or whatever that show is.
It's a TV show.
It's not a movie, meaning he knows nothing about nothing.
That's a double-negative. He knows nothing about knowing...
He knows everything about knowing nothing.
I'm a movie star.
I didn't say I was a mathematician.
My other co-star, Ginny Gardner, which some of you might know
from the movie Project Almanac, a huge studio film.
But she knows exactly what it's like to be a movie star,
and she'll tell you how great I've been.
(Ryan) Oh, hey, Ginny! Can I ask you a question?
- Hi, uh... yeah, sure.
- (Ryan) Um, okay, so on a scale from nine to ten,
how great of a movie star actor would you say that I am?
- Uh, you only gave me two options, Ryan.
- (Ryan) Yeah, nine to ten. So what would you rate me?
- Uh, I mean, I guess I would give you a nine?
But then again, I only have two options.
- (Ryan) Yeah, nine, as nine being the highest?
- As in nine being the lowest out of the two options that you gave me.
- (Ryan) You know, that's still a 90%. That's an A.
I respect Ginny, but she wasn't the "star star" of Project Almanac.
If she were, she would've gave me a ten
'cause she would've known better.
Or even my other co-star, Kirby.
She's from Project X, another huge film.
She absolutely adores me and tells me how close I am
to breaking through Hollywood and just blowing up there.
I don't know what that visual was.
(Ryan) Hey, uh, Kirby, can I ask you a question?
- Sure.
- (Ryan) So, you know, Hollywood heartthrobs, right?
Like-- - Know them well.
- (Ryan) Yeah, Ryan Gosling. You know, there's Ryan Sheckler,
- Ryan Seacrest-- - Meow.
- (Ryan) Ryan Reynolds-- - Mmm!
- (Ryan) Don't you think it's about time for some Ryan Higa?
- Some what?
- Ryan... Ryan Higa. Me.
- Your name's Ryan?
- See, 'cause she's used to calling me the King of Acting
or the Best Actor Ever, so she doesn't really call me by my name.
And last but not least, my boy Mark Furze.
He is from... well, he's from Australia.
So I don't really know the shows out there,
but he's on something out there.
He's probably one of my best friends on set.
I always got his back. He's always got mine.
He even has a YouTube channel.
(Ryan) Hey, Mark? Can I ask you a question?
- F*ck off, Ryan.
- (Ryan) Oh... okay.
(nervous laugh) Sorry.
Well, you know what, Mark?
You make YouTube videos, okay?
Why don't you grow up and get a real job, nerd!
Anyway, now that you guys have seen the facts for yourselves,
you should be able to understand where I'm coming from.
It's time for me to move on.
It's time-- (laughs) It's time for me to "movie" on.
(laughs) See? I'm funny. Twice now.
So as I was saying, I made this video to let you guys know
that this is going to be my last video ever.
I'm not going to be posting next week because it's time for me to move on.
I'm moving on to Hollywood.
(phone rings)
Speak of the devil.
Hello, I've been expecting your call.
Yeah? Okay.
Oh my god, that's perfect!
Okay, bye.
Okay, so Hollywood is saying they hate me.
They don't want me. They never did,
so I'll probably do YouTube videos for the rest of my life.
I guess I'll see you guys next week. Talk to you later. Goodbye!
Tee hee!