Hey there, it's Clay with modernlove.life and this is Relationship Inner Game.
Now in this series of videos, what we're going to talk about is we're going to cover the
five stages of getting over a breakup of getting over your ex and just as we've talked about
before, these are not the same five stages of grief that I'm sure you may have heard
people talk about over and over and over again, like denial, anger, frustration, depression,
all that stuff.
Right now, these are very specific emotional processes and very specific behaviors that
people often experience and go through when it comes to getting over a breakup or moving
on from their ex, and in this first video we're going to talk about the first stage
and this stage is what we call the Meltdown stage.
Now, when you're at this stage, it's very common to be at this stage when you first
learn about the breakup.
When you and your ex are first having that talk about breaking up or in the first couple
of days afterwards, right?
You might be very heavily depressed.
You could really have a lot of difficulty.
Just getting out into the world and doing regular things such as going to work or just
fulfilling on your regular day to day responsibilities.
It can seem almost debilitating.
You know, you might do a lot of the really cliche things that people do, like eat pints
of ice cream and just stay inside all day and that is because you experience the sudden
and dramatic loss of a very important relationship in your life.
And when that is just suddenly pulled away, it can be very damaging to experience that
on an emotional level.
Now, what's important to know is that this stage, the way to get past this stage into
the next stage, which we'll talk about in the next video, is through really accepting
that the breakup is an actual thing that has happened.
Okay?
Now, whether or not you and your ex are going to work things out or whether or not you're
going to move on and start some sort of new chapter of your life that is entirely up to
you.
And that's entirely your choice to make.
But in order to be in an emotional place where you're capable of having a great, wonderful,
amazing relationship with somebody new, you need to first accept the breakup is something
that happened and it is something that can't be changed.
Right?
So you know how sometimes you just kind of resist it.
You push against it.
You say, what if we didn't break up?
Or maybe for like a couple of those brief beautiful moments when you first wake up in
the morning, you kind of forgot the two of you broke up and then you know, it just comes
right back to you.
And it's like, oh no, that's right.
We broke up.
And then suddenly you start to feel that terrible feeling again.
Right?
So if you can just simply accept that it is something that happened emotionally, accept
that it is something that happened, then you can start to move past this stage and into
the next stage.
So when I say accept that it happened, I don't mean that you just roll over and die, just
sort of roll over and just let it kind of, you know, stampede all over you and that you're
basically just a doormat and a victim to these feelings of sadness and depression.
What I'm saying is that you acknowledged that the relationship that you did have ended because
as long as you are pushing against that, as long as you are resisting the fact that what
is real actually happened, then you are not going to be empowered to actually do something
about it.
Whether that means working things out with your ex, whether that means moving your life
forward in a powerful new direction where you actually have control and ability to create
a real sustainable loving relationship.
Not some BS rebound relationship that falls apart after three weeks or something like
that.
Not some sort of emotionally unavailable relationship with somebody who you know, isn't sure if
they want to commit to you and they just kind of keep you in limbo is like a friends with
benefits kind of thing or anything like that.
But if you want a real healthy emotionally available relationship that's going to last
the long term, you need to first start by accepting that the breakup is something that
actually happened.
And then once you get past that, you can start to move into stages two, three, four, and
five.
But that is the first stage.
It's the Meltdown stage and it's very common to do a lot of things in the Meltdown stage
that might seem out of character for you.
Right?
They might seem as if you're being compelled or driven to do these things by your overpowering
emotions such as panic, such as fear, such as depression, such as loss, such as sadness,
just weird things like call your ex multiple times or do something like that or act out
in some way.
And this is very similarly aligned with the Damage Control Mode behavior that we talk
about in some of our other programs except Damage Control Mode is operating from a specific
agenda of perhaps trying to save that relationship or perhaps trying to salvage the connection
that you had with that particular person.
However, when you are in Meltdown Mode, you could absolutely simultaneously be in Damage
Control Mode, but you're not necessarily working towards saving a relationship.
You're not necessarily working towards trying to restore a connection with somebody.
Instead, you're just going through the devastating blow of having that relationship that you
really valued and treasured, taken away from you and that alone can turn your emotions
upside down and cause you all sorts of angst, grief, loss, fear and anxiety and all sorts
of just awful emotional agitation.
But like I said before, the thing that you have to do to start to make progress moving
forward is to accept that the breakup is something that happened.
Now, if you're watching this video on our website - modernlove.life, and you'd like
to learn more about how you can start to move forward from your breakup and start to have
a healthy, powerful, strong relationship moving forward, whether that's with the person that
you broke up with and you want to work things out, or whether you want to move on and start
to create a more powerful connection with somebody else, or even just embrace single
life and move forward from there so that you can really enjoy the most of what life has
to offer without this breakup being some sort of stain on your past that kind of defines
you and just sort of this emotional wound that forms this scar that you carry around
for your entire life.
If that's something that you want and you're over on our website - modernlove.life, head
down below this video and click on a link that will be below this video and that link
will take you to another page on our website where we'll tell you more about how you can
start to reclaim your emotional world after a breakup.
Okay, and we'll start to show you how you can move forward in a powerful way.
From there, again that it's down below this video.
If on the other hand you're watching this video over on Youtube, go down below this
video as well and click on a link in the description box.
That link is going to be for the website relationshipinnergame.com.
Now over on Relationship Inner Game, I'd like to just ask you a couple of quick questions
about your breakup, what happened, what your goals are, and all of that stuff, and once
I know a little bit more about what you're going through and what it is that you want
in a little bit more about your situation, I'll give you some advice, tips, and strategies
to help you with what it is you're asking for.
Again, whether you're on modernlove.life or youtube, the next thing to do is to go down
below and check out that link.
But once again, this has been Clay with modernlove.life, and if you've liked this video, please go
ahead and give us a thumbs up.
Go ahead and subscribe to the channel and please go ahead and leave a comment down below
letting us know what sorts of videos you'd like to see in the future.
Anyway, once again, this has been Clay and I hope that this has helped you improve your
relationship inner game.