No! Okay, you can hold my probe.
( music playing )
I have something that I'm going to tell you
and once I tell you you may find yourself questioning everything
even more than you already do.
Link, you might wanna take your glasses off
because I'm about to help you see clearly for the first time.
Get ready for some truth Lasik.
I thought you were gonna hit me.
I'm gonna hit you with some facts!
Okay, here we go.
Cut into my eyeballs.
Redheads are aliens.
Redheads--
- Are aliens. - Aliens.
Let me introduce you to Lyssa Royal Holt.
- Link:
but it said Lisa.
- Okay. - Already interesting.
And what, her background--
She is an internationally recognized author and lecturer.
She's known for her in-depth explorations
of the nature of extraterrestrial consciousness
and how it impacts human evolution.
In other words, this woman is a trusted source for truth.
Link:
And she not only loves to stand in front of purple flowered trees,
she believes, Link, that redheads are aliens.
The theory is rather simple, actually.
I've got this little chart.
Now if she were a redhead that might bring more credence to this.
What does she know?
- Exhibit A, my pointer's-- - Ooh, look at this.
A little longer than I need it to be.
You've made a-- a whole thing here, huh?
Yep, just so-- Just so I don't lose ya.
- Okay, that's nice. - Okay, as you can see the top--
It's a plaquered, a presentation.
My main thesis is at the top.
Redheads are aliens.
You can also see it visually.
Redheads are aliens. I can do it either way.
Redheads are aliens or redheads are aliens.
Okay, you're-- Great work so far.
The first human redheads were--
From a crafting standpoint.
The first human redheads were what?
Vikings.
Where did they get their red hair from?
- Aliens. - The redheaded alien giants of course.
- Oh! Hold on. - One race of giants was known--
This is-- This is a video game image of a giant.
Hey, man, listen.
I couldn't get a good photo.
I couldn't get a photo that would please you.
- But the alien looks great. - Yeah.
One race of giants was known as the red-haired Lyrans.
There they are.
And as Lyssa eloquently wrote once...
Not Earth means aliens!
Now, I know you're following me.
Actually, I'm-- If I'm following you
what you've told me is that these giant aliens...
- Uh-huh. - made regular giants...
- Uh-huh. - who became Vikings...
- Yeah, well-- - who are redheads.
Here's what happened, though.
Giants came from them
and then the giants and the Vikings interacted.
"Interacted."
Do you know what I mean by interacted?
Yes!
You know what?
Let me see that stick for a second.
Let me see the stick.
- Okay, that's more-- - No more interaction.
That's more realistic.
- They were probed, Link. - Okay.
They were probed.
Okay, now, how do we know--
- By this? - No.
I'm getting to that. I'm glad you asked.
The last image on here.
They Lyrans are known as the Lyrans
because they come from the Lyra Constellation.
Let's get a better look at this constellation.
Right there. Take a look on that monitor, Link.
Now, let's zoom in a little bit on the Lyra Constellation.
Link:
Rhett:
Do I see it?
- Yes, that is-- - You have connected some dots.
I see that you've connected dots, yes.
Rhett:
and alien offspring Julianne Moore
with her alien freckles.
She should be given an Academy Award for pretending
she's not an alien!
Bravo, Julianne! Bravo!
Hello?
- Link, would you like a glass of water? - I'm here, man.
Would you like a glass of water?
I-- Why?
To wash down all those red pills.
I mean, it does look kinda like Julianne Moore.
-
And I'm not done.
That's just the beginning of this theory.
Oh, great. I was--
I wasn't hoping you were done.
Keep listening.
Redheads are biologically different
from all other nonalien humans.
They're born with a MC1R gene mutation.
This gene mutation makes them burn in the sun.
When do aliens probe people?
What time of day, Link? What time of day?
- Nighttime? - At night, that's right.
When you hear a redneck talk about being probed with an alien
they don't say, "This mornin'."
They say, "Last night!"
Every freaking time,
because the aliens can't stand the sun.
- Hello? - I-- I'm right here.
Redheads also have pheometa--
- What? - Pheomelanin.
Which causes the reddish pigment on their hair.
If you rearrange the letters of pheomelanin
you know what you get?
Alien phenom.
Hello?
It's-- You're so loud.
A report written on the Website, Elevated Today,
on of my favorite sources,
- states that redheads are-- - Why'd you look over there?
Just 'cause I'm just making sure everybody's listening.
Their entire-- I don't know why I'm holding--
- Continuing to hold this, but-- - Can I--
No! Okay, you can hold my probe.
"Redheads are entirely capable of withstanding more stinging
and pressure pain than the average blonde or brunette."
You know what else requires withstanding stinging and pressure pain?
- Being probed. - Okay, okay.
Hello?
NASA always uses the excuse
that UFO sightings are just weather balloons.
Even after the famous Roswell flying saucer crash,
they claimed it was just a what?
A weather balloon.
Do you know who else has balloons?
Clowns?
Wrong. Clowns.
And what color hair do clowns have, Link?
- Red? - Red!
That's right!
And what do clowns like?
Children?
Being probed.
Hello?
Ed Sheeran, he's a redhead.
This "GQ" article from February--
- You've broken your prober. - No, that comes in and out.
- This-- - No, it's easy.
I've taken it out many times.
This "GQ" article from February 2017 says,
"How Ed Sheeran became the biggest male pop star on the planet."
The planet.
If you were talking about the Earth,
wouldn't you just say the Earth?
- Who? Me? - Hello?
- And if that doesn't seal the deal for you, - No.
if you're still a doubter, sheeple--
They're-- Rhett, they're not here anymore.
- In his-- - It's just you and me now.
In his song, "I'm in love with the shape of you,"
he never specifies if he means this...
- Uh-huh. - Which is a woman.
- I see that, yes. - Or this...
Okay, Rhett.
I-- You're-- You're saying--
Probe drop.
You're telling me that this photo of the alien
from the movie "Alien" is the silhouette
- that Sheeran sees. - Ed Sheeran's thinking about
when he-- when he is in the mood
for probing.
I don't--
I don't have anything.
- Case closed. - You've lost your mind.
- Laptop closed. - Speaking of madness,
you've heard of March Madness, but what about Munch Madness?
Make sure to tune in this coming Monday, March 26th,
where we will be kicking off our Munch Madness.
A week of taste test
where we determine the greatest snack of all time.
Thanks for liking, commenting, and subscribing.
No redheads involved or your theories.
You know what time it is.
My name is Rene and I'm an archeologist
working at in the Mojave Desert.
That is a petroglyph
and it's time to spin the Wheel of Mythicality.
Click the bottom link to watch this episode from the beginning.
And click the top link to watch us match
the Mythical crew member to their frequently used emojis
in Good Mythical More.
And to find out where the Wheel of Mythicality is going to land.
Link:
"Where did your favorite mug go?"
Oh, that's right, you haven't bought it yet.
Buy your new favorite mug, this Boiled For Safety mug,
at mythical.store.