- Gentlemen.
I have a plan.
The world is mine.
The world is mine, ya (beep).
Each of you has failed
to kill
Austin Powers.
That makes me angry.
And when Dr. Evil gets angry,
Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset.
And when Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset,
people die.
Why must I be surrounded by fricking idiots?
Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome to my moon base.
You've all been chosen to be part of my elite moon unit,
which is divided into two divisions:
moon unit Alpha
and moon unit Zappa.
In exactly six hours,
the moon will move in its orbit
around the earth,
bringing Washington, DC within range
of my giant
laser.
Begin
laser ignition sequence.
- Begin laser ignition.
- That's called blackmail.
As you know, the Royal Family of Britain
are the wealthiest land owners in the world.
Either the Royal Family
pays us
an exorbitant amount of money,
or we make it seem that Prince Charles
has had an affair outside of marriage,
and therefore,
would have to divorce.
- Prince Charles did have an affair.
He admitted it and they are now divorced.
- Right. Okay people, you have to tell me these things.
All right?
I've been frozen for 30 years.
Okay?
Throw me a fricking bone here.
I'm the boss.
Need the info.
Okay. No problem.
Austin Powers always defeats me
because he has mojo.
- Mojo?
- Mojo.
The libido,
the life force,
the essence, the right stuff.
What the French call a certain,
I don't know what.
Ladies and gentlemen,
I've developed a device for traveling through time
which I call a
time machine.
Using this
time machine,
I'm going to go back to the 60's
and steal Austin Powers' mojo.
- If you have a time machine, why don't you just go back
and kill Austin Powers when he's sitting
on the crapper or something?
- How about
no,
Scott?
Okay?
Back in the sixties, I developed a weather changing machine
which was in essence, a sophisticated heat beam
which we called a laser.
Using these lasers, we punch a hole in the protective layer
around the world, which we call the ozone layer.
Slowly but surely, ultraviolet rays would pour in,
increasing the risk of skin cancer.
That is,
unless
the world pays us
a hefty ransom.
- That also
already has happened.
- Zip it. Unveil the time portal.
As you know,
Austin Powers was frozen in 1967.
Therefore I will travel to 1969,
two years after he was frozen.
He'll be helpless.
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm about to travel through time.
I bid you adieu.
I'm okay.